Out in Black

Learning Game: Reports from the Field

Author: davai (Page 1 of 31)

Going in Sideways and Coming out Ahead

Amazing dub-electro-sexytime field report reading music. In some sense, last night was the best I’ve ever done. I felt a freedom in expression that I’ve never experienced before. I handled difficult situations well and every set hooked. It was really a hell of a thing and relates to this concept: good, great and world class. To reach world class takes massive commitment and practice. In my lifetime I’m aiming for it in just two areas, pickup and writing. I aim to be great at BJJ (which I haven’t started yet) and German. I’ll probably be good at lots of things, those are not as important. The world class aspect is what matters. Nobody cares about the guy who is average, he might as well sell hotdogs in Chinatown.

In the last several weeks I’ve been consistently good at generating attraction and holding a solid conversation. However…. My game lacks structure. I’ll have gold conversations but because I don’t check for logistics, seed the pull or set up a date, nothing ends up happening. My outergame, the nuts and bolts, is now my weakest link. I have consistent opportunities with women but fail to make shit happen. I must seek out information on how to fix this.

This is especially important given that I would have liked to have pulled last night. Every girl I talked to for more than six and a half minutes I would have slept with. I was never put into a situation, like last night, where I couldn’t make up my mind. One girl was especially attractive and I just barely, barely kept my shit together. I was able to stay out of my head and keep it all going nicely. This shows progress, traditionally a girl this cute would have cut me down.

Another set stands out, first of the night, Biergarten. Two women are sitting down, I open and I’m not expecting it to last. Based on how it opens, the physical location of the girls, it being the first set, me finding her attractive, I expect everything to blow up. But it doesn’t, we talk for nearly half an hour. I go for the kiss multiple times, I take her number, it was solid. And this in itself shows massive progress. Even just a month or two ago, this set would have crumbled. I can’t take all the credit though, I have to give a shout-out to my awesome wingmen. He’s capable with women and that made the difference. If his girl lost interest she would have taken mine away.

Goodnumber Hunting

I picked up three numbers last night. The first came from the first set of the night that I just mentioned. After those girls left we went back and started flirting with their remaining friends. This went well and I suggested that I see my girl home. She was not having this so I took her number. I didn’t even have time to save it before I was in set with the really beautiful girl. When she left I got her number, erasing the other girl’s number in the process. My wingman chided me for this and he’s right to do so. But the reality is that I’ll never see any of them again. A set has to be so fucking solid for a number to not flake. Cold approach is difficult! Take the first set of the night, it was grade A. If that lady was my coworker or in my college dorm, she’d be begging me for my number. But that’s not the case, it’s cold approach and this changes the dynamic. Even though I got her number and texted her, no reply.

It’s all good though. Last night there were so many situations that went amazing, that normally wouldn’t have, that it’s impossible to ignore the growth.

Changes

Logistics are stacked against you on a Wednesday night. Every girl I talked to had to work in the morning. So that’s a big buzzkill. However, in general I have to consciously make that effort to think ahead and a plan. What are the logistics, is she ready to be pulled, what about the friend? And so forth. I’m getting caught up in the moment, which is good because I’m not stuck in my head,  but without a plan I just end up losing them. I must correct this.

Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride

Whatever I’m doing right now it’s working. Last night was the third session in a row where I had a viable opportunity to pull. Last Wednesday I pulled the Swedish chick to the bathroom but we didn’t fuck. Last Friday it’s likely I would have pulled the super cute mother if we could have just found a guy to keep the daughter busy. Last night I had a decent chance to pull the first girl I opened. The conversation was awesome but she wasn’t that cute. This created some indecision in me. I’m thinking, I’ve slept with a dozen girls cuter than her, I’m really not that interested. On the other hand, the reference experience, and the practice. I should be going for it. 

At the end I decided to go for it but I weak-sauced it. I didn’t know the logistics, didn’t know that she wanted to keep partying and I didn’t want to spend another 2 hours with her. So we kissed goodbye and that was that. The lesson is one in mental discipline. I need to decide early on whether I’m going to pull or not, then act accordingly. If I’m not going to pull, fine. But leave the set and look for another girl. If I am going to pull, fine. But give it 100% attention, figure out the logistics and lead like a boss.

Also, a minor note. The set with her lasted about 30 minutes and the whole time we were sitting across from each other at a small table. I knew she wanted to makeout but I was pondering how to make it happen. Leaning across the table would have been weird and I probably would have spilled her beer. Standing up and walking over would have been maybe OK but just not as smooth as I’d like. The solution was simple though! Stand up, grab her hand and get her up by saying let me see how tall you are! She stands up, I spin her, eye contact, makeout. Easy, I’ve done it a dozen times I just didn’t connect the dots last night.

Keep Going

Girl leaves, it’s 12:06, I have a choice. Keep going or go home. I think about my long term goals, about the models I’m going to date and the amazing women waiting for me. OK, I take the 15 minute walk to the bar my buddy is promoting at. Inside I quickly open the cutest girl there. I’m surprised by how well it goes. She’s interested, asking questions, getting close. In retrospect I needed to go for the kiss. I didn’t do it because I was caught off guard, my thinking, damn, this girl is super fucking cute and super into me! What’s going on here? I don’t know what exactly it is but I have to adjust and accept it. I’m getting more opportunities with more attractive women and I’ve got to be pulling the trigger.

After just five minutes of talking girl is leaving so I walk her and her friend outside. We chat for a few minutes then she takes a taxi home. Apart from not kissing her, my other mistake was giving her friend too much attention. I have a tendency to reduce the sexual tension with my girl by giving more attention to the friend. It’s not smart, it doesn’t help the pull, it’s weak-sauce. Should have maintained better eye contact, gotten closer, pushed harder for a kiss with sexy girl.

Go back downstairs, open two girls who bump into me. Immediately one is all over me. She’s flirting, laughing at my jokes and touching me. She gets so close that our lips are almost touching. Even though she’s attractive, I don’t kiss her for some existential reasons. She’s dancing with her girlfriend, as in girl she’s dating. In 4 seconds I suss out this situation. The girl who is into me is bi but she’s not really gay in any serious way. She’ll have this fling, move on and it will be a warm memory that she never tells her husband about. Her girlfriend is definitely gay, this is her lifestyle. Just by looking at her I immediately guess that men have caused her serious pain, she loves this girl and is acutely aware that she won’t be able to hold onto her forever. I could relate. It reminded me of college, when I would bring a girl around my natural buddy. 30 seconds later my girl can’t take her eyes off him and I’m just hoping I’ll be able to get her back at some point. All these things are running through my head, I decide to not kiss the girl, I stop speaking to her and they drift back into the fray.

I know that was a strange tangent but it’s an interesting topic for me. A large part of game is being able to put yourself into a girl’s head. Doing this tells you when to go for the makeout, go for the pull, back off, push harder, ask for the number, leave, don’t leave, whatever. I’ve developed this ability in the last year and it’s what allowed me to empathize with the girl above and decide to act accordingly. Game man, it’s a mind trip.

No more sets at the bar, I leave. Open at a cute girl on the subway platform, we talk for twenty minutes. By the end I just want her to leave. It’s interesting that logically we have an absurdly high number of things in common and should click, but emotionally it’s not happening. I question whether it comes down to me being in my head and reacting to her hot body, or if there’s just never going to be an emotional connection between us. Who knows, who cares, she gets off the train and 17 seconds later I’ve got some Jocko podcast going.

Game

There’s this cliche about sweeping girls off their feet and that being the ideal. Well, in a way it’s true. The good interactions are the ones where I go into that set and bring good energy. I don’t depend on her for good emotions. It’s like I’m surfing a wave and it carries me into the set. This can be very subtle and it can even be happening while I’m just standing there, not talking, seemingly not doing anything. I’m just bring my vibe, my energy and those are the times that things go the best.

In general, I depend on finding girls who like to talk. My game is getting her to open up and share her life with me. I want her investing in me and sharing things with me that she would normally never tell someone she just met. This isn’t manipulation, it’s just me optimizing my own circumstances. Sure, I can talk for 20 minutes straight about a pebble if I have to, but that’s not ideal. For me, a good interaction will be the girl talking 70% and me talking 30%. Obviously this works both ways too, she likes to talk more, I like to talk less, we click!

Anyways, I’m just working through some ideas. I never imagined that game would be so nuanced. Now that I’m wading into the deep end I’m continually surprised by what I’m finding.

7 Things that I’m Fucking Up in Game

I’m listening to Ray Dalio’s book and one line stuck out. He said something along the lines of,

The people who improve the fastest are the ones who are self-aware and reflect carefully on their mistakes.

So in the spirit of following a billionaires advice, I think it’d be cool to reflect on what I’m currently fucking up.

  1. I’m not saying in set long enough, especially with the cuter women. I bail early because they give me so few signs and I assume they’re not attracted. This is not the case, they are attracted it’s just that they’re conditioned to hide it. They want guys to plow without any encouragement. In order to get these high quality girls it’s crucial that I persist, persist, persist.
  2. I can’t interpret eye rolling or dismissive comments as a total rejection, not the truth! Girls live in the moment. One second she may call me the devil’s toilet paper on quesadilla night, the next second she might love me. I have to keep an even keel and assume attraction.
  3. I tend to leave the club too early. Often this is because I run out of sets which is understandable. However, we must go back to rule one. I need to push every single set to the breaking point.
  4. I’m just not that type of girl, I don’t sleep with guys I don’t know well..

    This one is big, it’s been tripping me up a lot. Girls saying things like I used to be that kind of girl but now I’m better. Or, If you had met me three months ago we would have slept together, but not now. I’m a better person. Experience has taught me that this is all bullshit and it’s the final shit test before getting laid. To win these I have ignore the words and use charm to diffuse the situation .It’s funny how wording works. When a girl says something like there’s no way we’re sleeping together tonight, I blow past that with ease. But when she says I’m not that type of girl anymore, it trips me up. I obviously have some things to figure out.

  5. I’m not seeding the pull and pushing hard for us to leave together. I’m letting things drift, waiting for the girl to lead, waiting for the perfect moment, etc. And I’m not pulling because of it. I have to push harder for the pull. Be the man, deal with objections, lead and make shit happens.
  6. I need to be getting numbers from girls that I meet for five or ten minutes. Not for dates but to meet up with them again an hour later in the night. Their buying temperature will be higher, they’ll be ready for the pull, it will be on. But I have to grab that number and make a plan to meet up for a drink.
  7. I need to be trying for the kiss multiple times, realizing that sometimes it may take as many as half a dozen times before I get it. If it still doesn’t happen after that, it’s time to move on.

The Mother and Daughter Dynamic

I learned so many valuable lessons last night. The kind of stuff that they don’t teach you in pickup school. It started with meeting up with a new wingman. We hit up my favorite club early, got right in as usual. Upstairs I opened a few sets until I found two cute girls that were interested in what I was selling. The one I was talking to was half Japanese, half something, 100% beautiful. We hit it off well, I was being my normal amazing self even though I found her very cute. However, five or ten minutes deep something went down that I’m not so cool with. Before I knew what was happening my wingman switched girls, started talking to mine and left me with the friend who, while cute, was not fun. My pickup manifesto states that the guy who opens the set gets to choose the girl. If the guy who comes in second doesn’t like the girl he’s with he can suck it up or leave, but not take my girl.

That being said, I accept responsibility for all things in my life. So this incident shows that I need to learn how to address this situation. If my wingman, or any other guy, opens my girl and draws her away, I need to find a way to get her attention back on me without being a dick. My brain is already thinking of ways to achieve this, it shouldn’t be that hard in general.

The Family Set

After that I ended up opening a tall blonde woman. Skinny, bubbly, taller than me. She was 40, looked like she was 30 and I found her gorgeous. We hit it off really well and I spent an hour or two with her. We danced some, made out, flirted and talked about life. It was a unique situation because this woman was with her daughter who, like her mom, was beautiful! This led to an expansion of my awareness of female dynamics. Here’s why.

I was obviously with the mom, she was the lady for me. The daughter was jealous, she wanted attention too. Now she’s a really good looking girl, plenty of guys would take a bath in guppy guts and swim through a shark tank to date someone as cute as her. And yet during the hour and a half I spent with the mom and daughter, hardly any guys talked to her. She had a few drunk splooge sockets grab her ass and one Israeli guy talked to her for a bit, but that was it. And it was fascinating to see this because as guys, I think we have the propensity to think that,

Girls (hot girls) have it so easy, they can get laid as much as they want.

Sometimes, yes. But certainly not all the time. This beautiful 21 year old girl was desperate for some attention from a guy, she would have settled for just a plain dude who was cool and not drunk.

(big lesson here, thinking that you have to be the master fucking pimp of the universe to end up with the cute girl. Not true! If you could walk up to this girl, have a normal conversation, lead a little bit and go for the kiss she would have been yours)

Talking to the mom she elaborated on her daughter’s problems with men and how she can’t seem to find high quality guys. Seeing all this and talking about it in depth was a real perspective shift for me.

Pushing Past the Wall

The mom also taught me another valuable lesson. She said that her daughter puts up a bitchy front when guys approach her, even though in general she’s actually a nice person. This is a key point. The bitchy act is just a front, it’s a wall to screen out guys who don’t make the cut. To get with a woman like this you have to push past that wall, have faith in yourself, keep plowing and understand that at some point the wall will crack and you’ll get to experience the real girl.

Another key point! I mentioned those two girls we opened in the beginning, where my wingman took my cute girl. We ended up leaving that set after about fifteen minutes even though it was going good. I think we left because of a lack of innate belief that it’s going somewhere. It can be harder with more attractive women because they give you so little! So the feeling I often get is that I’m wasting my time because nothing will happen. But this is not a mindset that is going to get me laid with more attractive women. I have to change my thinking to this: hot women will give you less signs, you just have to persist, be the cool guy and assume that as long as she’s still talking to you, she’s attracted.

This is so key and important to enforce. It’s also important for me to personally stand by because many of my wingman want to leave sets too early. They don’t see any signs of attraction and they want to bounce. I get that but we have to stay in there and see it through to the end! This is of paramount importance.

Finally, I’ll say this. Being in a set with the mother and daughter was surprisingly not weird. They were totally comfortable being out and drinking together, the mom was a wonderful person, very pretty and we were having a blast together. At some point the daughter started to warm up to me, she was touching me, standing close, giving me signs. Now past experience has shown me that if you go into set, start with one girl then switch to the other, you’ll lose both. So I was very careful to decline invitations from the daughter and talk to the mom. However…… If these were friends, not family members, this would have been an ideal threesome situation. Both girls were highly emotional, I was in the fucking zone, all the pieces of the puzzle were there. Except for the incest problem haha.

So that was my awesome night out. I got the mother’s phone number, I planned an entire date with her and confirmed it multiple times. She hasn’t texted back yet. I think that she’s blowing me off because I’m so much younger than her, even though we had an awesome bond. It hurts that she hasn’t replied but that’s game man. I’ll just keep pushing the envelope, growing myself and make shit happen. I’m 100% confident that I can reach an extremely high level of game at this point. The worst part is over, I’ve spent the last fucking year getting rid of AA and I’m so thankful for that. It would take about $150,000 and an E350 with all the options to get me to start from the beginning again.

Drinking Stoli with the Swedes and Hotel Lobby Bathrooms

Crazy times. Pregame beers at my WeWork then we took an Uber to the club. Got ushered in and met up with another wingman. Said a few words and then I opened some women standing around. Turns out they were Swedish, the one I was talking to was OK. Better than most 40 year old women, I’ll bet she was really something when she was young. We were on the dance floor, too loud to talk so I lead her to the couches. Big surprise, my promoter friend has a table and they’re cracking open some Stoli. Not one to beat around the bush, I pour myself a glass and start making out with this Swedish woman.

This goes on for a while, I lead her all around the club, I’ve lost my wingmen forever ago. Finally it’s time to leave, it’s 3am or something, I’m pretty drunk and I find out this lady is staying in a hotel a few blocks away. Take her downstairs, find a taxi. She says,

Thanks so much for getting the taxi, really nice to meet you!”

Yeah, no. I get in with her and we give directions to the driver. She says,

“OK, so it’s great you’re bringing me back but you can’t come in! My roommates are there.”

Yeah, no. I tell her I have to use the bathroom. We get to the hotel, ask for the lobby bathroom, pull her in and lock the door. She sits on the sink, we’re making out but the buzzkill is that I really have to pee. Really, really fucking bad. So I do it, come back and we start making out but she isn’t going to have sex. I think maybe she was married and was borderline this whole time. When I was peeing that gave her logical brain enough time to kick in and stop it. Or whatever, but not sex. I would have whipped my dick out but it wasn’t hard. So fuck it, still had a blast. Reminds me of this time when I had sex in the hotel bathroom and this other time when I didn’t have sex in a club bathroom. The woman was all about it but I’m pretty sure she was married and wasn’t ready to break that whole till death do us part crap.

Thoughts on the Game

Everything I did last night was on fucking point. Moved her at the right time, said the right things, kissed her at the right time, had the balls to overcome resistance and got her to the bathroom. It was all fucking rock solid. I was drinking though, have to take that into account. Here’s my thought on drinking.

Half the time it makes my game horrible because I’m sloppy and annoying and a total jackass. The other half of the time it gives me about a six month boost in skills. That is, with a few drinks I feel like I’m as good as I will be in six months, after I’ve done countless sets and had countless experiences. Like Tyler always says, go out a lot and in six months you’re average set will be the best set you can do today. So I feel that it gives me that boost. But fuck it, it’s not a regular thing. I do it sometimes and I don’t do it other times. All in all, game is a fucking blast and unexpectedly having a promoter and a bottle of Stoli show up at your favorite club is always cool.

Applying the 80/20 Rule to Game

In my experience, the most difficult, high pressure and intense sets bring 80% of results. Those sets where it’s a gorgeous girl with two friends and two guys. It’s three girls, you’re talking to the one in the middle and the two friends are suggesting you go back into the steaming pile of shit from whence you’ve risen (happened last week). It’s everyone staring at you and you’re focused on the girl and trying to keep your cool.

While I claim that these sets produce 80% of the results, I don’t mean that you pull the high-pressure-girl. Instead, surviving these sets reduces your social inhibitions, frees you from fears and destifles you. Most likely you can be cool and chill around a cave troll who you don’t care about. So it’s not that you don’t know how to express yourself well, it’s that you get nervous around more attractive women and demanding social situations. Doing tough sets decreases your anxiety and let’s you express yourself more fully.

Beginnings and Beyond

If you’re like me, when you start most sets are tough. It takes lots of willpower to approach. Then do it again, again, again, again, again, etc. As you go out more things change. What was once difficult is now easy. That’s when you have to start seeking out the most difficult sets. I’m not just preaching this, I practice it. Whenever possible I approach the cutest girl, regardless of who is around her. I make a conscious effort to open girls in large groups. I deliberately force myself to stay in extremely awkward situations in order to become comfortable with social pressure.

I do these things because I notice that they’re a turbo-boost on progress. These sets don’t happen every night, sometimes I just have a regular night with nothing exceptional. But when shit gets weird, there is intense pressure, I feel uncomfortable and awkward, that’s when I know I’m in a growth zone.

Redefining How I Think About Game

I write a similar post every month. The reason I keep writing it is that I’m getting new experience at the club and I’m refining my thinking. I’m reaching new levels of understanding when it comes to running the ideal reaction. The traditional idea of pickup is the guy, you, chasing the girl. You’re trying to win her over and get her to come home with you. This obviously works and it can work well. However, there’s a higher level. It goes something like this.

At the club I put my personality out there and act in accordance with my own ideal. When I approach a girl I’m not trying to calibrate to her. I’m not actively doing anything in order to sleep with her. Instead, I’m expressing myself naturally. Maybe she will like me and become attracted. Maybe we’ll sleep with each other. That’s cool. Maybe she won’t like me, maybe she’ll want me to go away. That’s also cool. In both situations my behavior is not changing. I’m just there, bringing good vibes and having fun. If the girl wants to join my party that’s awesome! But I’m not going to chase her or compromise myself to be with her.

A word of caution though. It’s possible to take this too far and forget about the ultimate goal of closing the girl. It’s easy to get involved in the moment and forget to lead or to seed the pull or check for logistics. So I might have an awesome 45 minute interaction then she has to leave or her friend pulls her away and I just lost all that effort because I didn’t set up the pull. As a guy it’s my job to lead and make the logistical situation happen.

Unfortunately..

At this point I can’t seem to live up to this ideal with the more attractive women. I can’t bring that fun, party vibe of pure expression. 95% of what I do around them is trying. It gets weird too. I know I’m trying so I’ll try to not try, which is a form of trying. For example, pickup doctrine states that you shouldn’t try to impress a woman with your words. So I’ll go up and talk about my favorite color or beer or whatever the fuck it is, but I’m still trying to not try. It doesn’t feel good and I know it. I can’t try myself into a natural, fun mindset around cute girls. It seems that it’s something that will only happen with time and more experience.

However..

I’m really not giving pickup my all right now. I’m not pushing it as hard as I was six months ago. This speaks to a focus on other things and also my innate personality. I’m a binary guy, zero or one. I don’t do well in the grey area. I’d rather be going out five or six nights a week and pushing it hard, or not going out at all and totally focusing on business, health, reading and German. That being said I’m going to keep going out three nights a week because I have to have some social interactions in my life. However, I recognize that it’s not ideal for me.

You Did How Many Sets Tonight?

I’m going to listen to every Jocko Willink podcast, I’ve already got 15 or 20 down. What does this have to do with pickup? Discipline and overcoming fear. The discipline to get your ass out to the club and push your comfort zone. The strength to overcome fear and grow. Also, some damn fine stories! I recommend checking it out.

In other news, I thought that tonight I’d hit up a club, see if I could spark any conversations. Didn’t happen at my favorite club in New York, total ghost town. Bounced somewhere else, I opened a few girls sitting down. The conversation went well, vibed for ten minutes. Eventually left, found nothing else, called it a night. Some thoughts on this one decent set.

  1. Props on how I handled it. How I had the charisma to balance the conversation, spark attraction and be that cool dude. I can look at this interaction and see a drastic increase in my level of game.
  2. I should have sat down. After a few minutes I knew that it was the move but I didn’t do it. I don’t even know if I was scared about rejection, I was more worried about intruding on the conversation these girls were having. They both seemed so nice and I didn’t want to bother them. My motives are good but I need to realize that cool guys like me don’t come along every day and my girl definitely would have liked to toss some words around. Also, they can always ask me to leave.
  3. I opened the two girls solo while my wingman was playing ping-pong. When he joined the set I was so focused on making fun of him for caring more about balls than girls that I failed to introduce him to the set. This is another instance of me amusing myself and having a blast, but forgetting the ultimate objective of furthering the interaction.

Lifestyle

From now until New Years I’m living with horrible logistics so that I can save money for my winter excursion to Bali. I’m also going to the gym everyday and working on my business. So I’ll only be going out about three nights a week. I’m taking a long term view. I’m getting my health in order, saving for an awesome trip and hopefully building something that will allow me to travel and make money online. It’s been amazing going out a bunch of nights a week for the last year and a half but it’s reaching the point where I really want to get all the other areas of my life up to speed. Getting laid is cool but it doesn’t make up for being unhealthy or working a bullshit job.

Sometimes Things get Simple

Me and the wingman walked around EV last night and checked out a few spots. Opened some sets, talked to some girls, it was fun. At one bar I ended up talking to a less then perfect girl for about 30 minutes, it was actually cool. I did it because there wasn’t much else and I believe that every girl is capable of teaching lessons. I also don’t take a 30 minute conversation for granted. I have clear memories of all the nights where I couldn’t keep a set going for 20 seconds. I think I’m getting closer to identifying what that “it” is that allows a set to go well. As I get more experience my nights will continue to improve.

Another thing I’m doing is working through some old memories. There were a few girls in high school who said some mean, vindictive things to me, at the peak of my insecurity, and that’s had a lasting effect on me. It’s surely shaped how I interact with women and my success with them. Increasingly I’m trying to work through these old memories, relive them, take away the emotional sting and even in some cases, as Dr. Phil as this sounds, forgive these girls for what they said to me.

I definitely have some repressed anger there but it’s unfounded. If high school had been different and I had a few girlfriends and got laid, I never would have gotten into pickup which means I wouldn’t have heard Tyler talk about meditation or Brad talk about reading or Julien talking about the gun to the head and my life would be way, way worse.

Twerking and Burning Sets Down

Tonight my wingman opened some cute girls and I was making out with mine within a few minutes. We were dancing a lot, having fun. She asked me to take her out on a date tomorrow. I agreed but I knew I would flake. It was tonight or bust. She’s from out of town, staying with the cousin, bad logistics. That means it’s bathroom or never. We get right next to the stall and I try to pull her in, no way. She’s not into this and we never talk after that. She wanted to be wined and dined, I wanted sex in the bathroom, we had different motives.

About to leave when I see three girls sitting down. I don’t think, I just go in. So fucking easy and effortless, so natural. It’s hard to remember but when I started this I was sweating bullets doing an approach like that. Now it’s an afterthought. Me and my wingman end up talking to this set for half an hour. We want to go to the meatball place but they want to stay for a while longer and drink. They don’t quite justify sticking around so we leave. Go do some shots with my buddy who works in a liquor store. I open a Hispanic chick on the street, my buddy opens three girls in Five Guys. So easy.

Notes

*Dance lessons would be cool. Knowing how to dance is obviously completely unnecessary but it’d still be nice to know. I love to travel so maybe one day I’ll go to Spain or Portugal and take lessons every day for a month or two. Just those basics would be enough to elevate me up a bunch of levels.

*I’m getting better at reading makeout signs. When to go for the makeout, when to hold back. It’s subconscious knowledge though, I couldn’t articulate it with a gun to my head. I just get the sense that this is the moment and I go for it. Obviously I still have fucking years of refining but I feel more confident about it now. Once again, I can only think fondly of how good I’ll be in six months.

*My level of presence in through the fucking roof. It’s far more consistent and long lasting then anything I’ve ever had in my life. Pickup has played a big part but I also attribute a big part of it to Tolle’s The Power of Now, specifically the audio book. I’ve read the regular book two or three times and it’s good, but the audio book is next level. I’ve found a big difference between hearing and reading.

Finding Cute Women on the Sidewalk

Today I did something that I’ve never done before. Coming out of the movie theater I was texting my wingman when I saw a cute girl walk past. She stopped a few feet away so I went and said hi. We talked for about 10 minutes and I kissed her several times. That’s a first kiss I’ve ever gotten from a daygame approach. Here’s the kicker though, I had enough game to do that but not enough that the girl would come with me to my wingman’s place for a few beers. My belief just wasn’t strong enough and I could feel a few points in the interaction where I strayed somewhat from my core. For lack of a better way of explaining. Give me six months though and I’ll have those quirks ironed out.

Met up with my wingman for a few beers then we went to a spot in midtown. Opened most of the sets there, one girl stands out. Skinny, tall and cute. I opened her and she was giving me nothing. Kept plowing, more nothing. So I left and then came back five minutes later to open again. Now she gives me more, lots of smiles. I keep plowing, we dance a bit, grind some. Her friend comes up so I talk to the friend for a second and in that second some guy comes up and starts grinding with my girl. She seems to be into. So I have a couple of options.

  1. Ignore it, keep talking to the friend and wait for the guys to leave.
  2. Leave the set.
  3. Try to pull my girl away from the guys.

I opt for number one. I wait till the guys are chilling then I go in, hold out my hand to the girl to dance again. She shrugs me off, gives me ice. I don’t handle this well, I get in my head, the set dies soon after that.

OK, so first I have to mention the major positive. I reopened her, I plowed a lot, I kept going and going even when she gave me ice. I trusted in myself, the attraction and my instincts. That was all super solid, mad props. Where I fucked up was letting those guys burn me down. I should have stayed physically closer to my girl. Failing that, I should have done a stronger reapproach after the guys started milling around. My approach was soft and easy to blow out. This girl is obviously used to being hit on, she’s attractive, she wants some strong male awesomeness.

Notes

*Game man. The more I do it the more I draw state from myself. I’ve been slammed and keep getting slammed by girls so many times that I can’t help but love myself. I’m the only constant. Her attention, her flirting, even her sucking my dick, that’s all temporary. I mentioned Danish girl from last night, she never replied on Facebook. Cute street girl didn’t text me back till the next day even though we had a solid vibe. Cute girl at the bar blew me out for one bad move even though a majority of what I did was solid. I’m not angry or complaining, I’m just saying that when you go out and put yourself on the line, this shit happens over and over. You can become bitter or you can decide to keep getting better and to reward yourself and give yourself massive props for taking action.

*Approaching is getting to a point where it’s mechanical and easy. I’ve done it so many times that it feels effortless. It’s funny, I’ve been saying that for a while but now it’s starting to reach a deeper level. I can do good approaches when I’m out of state, when I’m tired, when I just got two harsh rejections in a row, etc. My emotions are playing less of a role in how I approach game, I can be more calculating about it.

*I wouldn’t trade these experiences for the world. After fifteen months of cold approach I’m a significantly different person. On top of all of the game related stuff, I’m simply less afraid to express myself and I enjoy talking to people more. These are things that money cannot buy.

Rooftop Nights in Manhattan

Back into it, I proposed to a cute Italian girl. I almost picked her up and walked out of the club. Not sure what my wingman would have done, he was already telling me to tone it down. Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn’t. Sometimes I get more wrapped up in doing insane shit and I lose track of taking actual steps towards the pull. Other times insane shit is what makes the night amazing and I pull because of it.

I walked up to a girl, ignored both her friends, started talking. Almost immediately I encountered mild resistance.

You need to leave. Please go away. Can’t you just leave us alone? That’s so awesome! Omg, you are just so cool” Sarcasm you could bottle and sell. I say,

“Your dress looks pink. It could be peach though. I don’t like peaches, they bruise too easily. Strawberries are my favorite. Just wash them, cut off the top and you’re good to go.”

Obviously at this point nothing is ever happening, it’s a battle. I’m pushing myself to see how long I can stand here and keep my frame while three girls throw an arsenal of shit at me. It’s incredibly awkward. I don’t move and my frame is really good. I have a hypothesis. I think that at some point I won the emotional side of my girl. I saw her eyes go big and something changed. Logically she hates me or whatever. But emotionally she’s attracted to the guy who is holding a cool frame, even as three women try to run him over. I finally left though, I couldn’t hold the frame forever.

I talked to a Danish girl for a while. Got her Facebook, invited her and her friend out to the club tonight. Will she come? Who knows. Pre-Danish girl I was up on another cute girl, all in black. I tried for the makeout, didn’t quite happen. Led her towards a different part of the club but the friend ran and grabbed her. Leaving the club, I looked at her, said,

I’ll never see you again will I..”

She smiled, “Nope.”

Notes

*I think that I sometimes lose track of what I’m at the club for. I have conversations that go nowhere, I don’t try to pull, I don’t led enough. I’m waiting for obvious signs and this holds me back. I should lead and move towards the pull with less signs. I can also assume more attraction, regardless of what I see her giving me. Assume the frame that as long as she’s still talking to me, she’s attracted.

*At one point I met some cool guys and they invited me to their table. I was speaking some Russian and they asked me whether I was Russian. I was in the moment and figured it would be easier to say yes, versus explaining that I learned Russian in Moscow, that I was an English teacher, etc. I didn’t want to explain all this so I lied and said I’m Russian. This is dumb. One guy spoke Russian, he sussed out immediately that I’m not a native speaker, things got weird. OK, so what’s the lesson here. It’s to never, never lie. This is an ideal that I’ve recently adopted. It’s not that I lie a lot, very little. But I want to take that very little and turn it into not at all. Tell the truth no matter what the consequence. In this case it’s not like I was being a horrible person, I was just caught up in the party vibe and thought that explaining my Russian ability would slow down the party. But that led to weird consequences. It’s a reminder that always fucking always tell the truth, even when it’s seemingly inconsequential.

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