Out in Black

Learning Game: Reports from the Field

Author: davai (Page 1 of 34)

Overplayed my Hand

I don’t really want to say this because I made an ass of myself. But hell man, what’s life if not failing your way to success. We’re staying at a villa compound with a central pool/bar/lounge area. Me and my buddy showed up with some drinks, already there was a bunch of Thai people and some Frenchies. All drinking, all having a good time. Cute Chinese girl next to me, I started ruthlessly flirting with her. Trying over and over and over to get her to come back to my place (40 feet away) to “go swimming in the pool”.

She kept saying no but my sixth sense told me to keep pushing. And you know, I think that she did want to. But everyone, I mean everyone, at that table was staring at us. And she wasn’t going to walk away with me when everyone staring at us implicitly knew we were going to fuck. So if I could replay this I would chill the fuck out, be less aggressive, build the comfort, keep it cool, seed the pull subtle, and wait longer before trying to extract.

Fuck it man. I pushed hard for the pull, I overblew my hand, but at least I didn’t fold.

The Unaffected Man

This is going to be short because it’s not really a field report in the traditional sense. Me and two buddies went to the local Thai beach bar last night.Sitting there were two older English blokes. I walked in bold and immediately rubbed them the wrong way. They hated my guts in 6.3 seconds flat. They weren’t shy about telling me that either. 

Then, to top it off, my “buddy” who is visiting staying with us for a few days, loudly said to my face, You have no fucking communication skills. Then he froze me out and treated me like a pariah.

Here’s the point of all this. I was really, really fucking close to being unaffected by this onslaught of bullshit. I was 90% of the way there, but still, 10% of me was beaten down a bit. I had to take a minute to sit away from everyone and think this through.

And what I thought was this. This experience encapsulated the very essence of game. I see how a guy with real game would be unfazed, unaffected at his core, by this bullshit. His mood would be 100% self-determined and nothing that anyone throws at him would affect him. This is the holy grail and it’s what I’m aiming for. I want to be the guy who could stand in a room with people taunting him and still feel the same as if he was sitting on a couch watching a Jason Bourne movie.

I’ve made great strides in reaching the point where less shit fazes me, I still have a ways to go, but the progress so far is very encouraging.

Koh Samui Beach Drinking and Pool Party with the French

Going to combine two into one. Saturday night out for 4 hours in Koh Samui, beers with the guys. Loads of girls. Sunday night, laidback party with 4 French girls, our neighbors. Interesting vibe.

Saturday night, talking to all the girls. Took me a minute to get into it, had to warm up, the usual. Tried to kiss a Swedish girl, she deflected. OK, maybe misread that. Mostly I felt the impotence of lacking logistics. The party area of Koh Samui is a 40 minute drive, by taxi, from our house. I’ve talked about this before, I’m very confident that my shortcoming in game is that I’m not closing well enough. And with bad logistics I’m especially bad. But could this also just be a state of mind, something deeper? We here stories about guys pulling with no logistics? I promise that whatever my weaknesses are in this area, I’m staring closely at them.

In other news, tough part of going out in Thailand is that, foreigners aside, you don’t know when you approach an Asian woman whether she will be a lady boy (realistically small chance) or a prostitute (realistically, not a super small chance). We bitched about this inconvenience.

Now, party with the French girls, just got back from it. Interesting to see the dynamics of female/male attraction. I would have had sex with any of those girls and the preference between them was not that great. For them, all the attention focused on our Czech friend who looks like a model, illustrating the concept that girls would rather share a winner than have their own “mediocre” guy. In terms of evolution it makes sense.

Here’s the thing though, at the party I was just enjoying myself. I was not thinking about all the girls being into my Czech friend, I was not questioning my masculinity, I was not obsessing with the “power balance” or any bullshit. I was just sitting there, drinking the wine, feeling good. Compare that to my other buddy (not a virgin, this is a guy who is ob-fucking-sessed with pickup and has slept with 80+ girls), who had healthy interest in talking about good looking guys, how they capture attention, how we were getting less attention than him, how the vibe was playing out, etc. He wanted to put reality into words.

And that’s just it, if pressed I could read the situation just as well as him, I could obsess over why Czech guy got it all and I didn’t. But I did not want to do that. I do not want to think in these ways. I strive, fucking strive, to accept situations, to roll with it, to be fluid. Like a guy dribbling, he doesn’t think he does. Maybe he dribbles well, maybe he messes up, but he just does it. He doesn’t think about the angle of his fucking hand as he hits the ball.

This gets close to the deeper level of game that I believe exists. A level of extreme self-acceptance, self-love, self-belief. A level where you are the attraction, you don’t assume you have to do anything to generate attraction in the girl, you just feel it in the air. Man, this is hard for me to define because I’m describing something that I don’t embody yet. I’m trying to describe what it’s like to drive a car when I’ve never gotten behind the wheel. But I’ve seen pictures of people driving cars, videos of people driving, read what people have written about it. I have some clues, I’m studying to get my license right now.

All in all, a fucking exciting two days. Just a fun reminder of what girls are like. I have zero expectations right now, in terms of women. I’m 100% focused on building my brand, I’m releasing a YouTube video every day, crushing it in lifestyle which, long-term, will 10x my ability to effortlessly crush it with women. In terms of that party, what would I change? Nothing, my buddy was simply the more attractive man in a game where winner takes all. That’s fine, I will seek to learn from my Czech friend and I’ll appreciate that I was able to enjoy the party without overthinking it.

Bullshit in Bangkok and Evaluating my Life

This report is going to be divided into two sections. The first is a brief overview of my night out in Bangkok. The second part is an annoyingly honest evaluation of my life at present. This second part is mostly for me, I don’t imagine many will muster the interest to read it. So with that being said, let’s look at Bangkok.

A few months ago this RSD guy who I met in New York hit me up and asked go to out. Said I couldn’t, I was going to Thailand. He said he was too, what a coincidence. Said he had an apartment in State Tower, downtown Bangkok. Invited me to stay with him and I accepted. After recovering from jet lag on Friday night, Saturday night we took a ride out to the main party road in Bangkok. Debauchery, drunkenness, filth and hedonism.

I haven’t talked to any girls in two weeks but I got right into it. Could feel my vibe was off which was to be expected. Kept approaching, things got a bit better. I sat down to talk to this English chick but the music was so loud we couldn’t hear each other. In general this whole area was the loudest place I’ve ever been in my life as a PUA. Made it impossible to even attempt to have a conversation.

I kept at it though and got a couple of “bad” rejections which really stung. Then I found this cute French girl and it was on. We were vibing, I could tell she liked me, bam… But I had to leave her because my wingman was lost, I didn’t have a working cellphone and without him I can’t get home. So that was the best set of the night. If it weren’t for the missing wingman and lost in Bangkok factor I would have pushed it much, much further.

After that we did a few more half-assed approaches before calling it a night. I got 2.4 hours of sleep, woke up and got on a bus, then a ferry, to arrive in Koh Samui 10 hours later. I’ll be here for the next 6 weeks, living with the two RSD guys who I spent two weeks in Ukraine with. Glory times! Now let’s look at the state of my existence on this planet.

Existence

Right now I’m in this really weird fucking place where I feel like no girl will ever like me. It’s really demented because logically speaking it’s not true. But I think that not getting laid in 3 months is playing a big part in that thinking. How the fuck did I manage to not get laid in three months? Shitty logistics and living with a domineering, older lady who tried to run my life and treat me like her son. I knew that this living situation would be shitty but I just didn’t realize how much a lack of freedom would affect me. I suspect it’s one of the reasons guys feel so miserable in marriage when they feel like their wife runs everything.

Another aspect of me not feeling like a king is that I’m being unnecessarily hard on myself. I accept 100% responsibility for my life, I do not blame others. However, I think a lot of my negative thinking originates from the pickup community. The message that I tend to pick up is that you should go harder, stay out longer, pull more, be bolder and if you don’t get laid X amount you have to check yourself.

This is probably really helpful for people who are just getting started, they need that kick in the ass. However, right now it’s hurting more than helping me. When I go out I’m so obsessed with getting the makeout, doing the tough approaches, breaking new boundaries, that I forget to just have fun. I’m so fucking caught up in my head that I can’t just let it all go and enjoy myself. Which, if I could do this more consistently, I believe would get me laid a lot more! And this doesn’t just apply to the club. I consistently judge myself throughout the day which, to some degree, hinders my ability to be that cool guy with the charismatic vibe

All that being said, I’m going to do a bit of an experiment. I’m going to stop reading so many god damn self-help books and comparing myself to people like Julien, Jocko, Wade Alters, Jordan Peterson, etc. I’m going to focus on telling myself I am enough already. I’m good enough for a girl to love, I’m good enough to be a cool person. If I never adopt this mindset than I’ll never get there! I could sleep with a 100 girls and read a 1,000 self-help books but if I feel like I still have to reach some next level, I’ll just end up climbing a ladder that never ends. Fuck that!

Another aspect of feeling like I’m not enough, this one more insidious, is the fact that I have the tendency to come early during sex. Never to the point where I blew a load in my pants, but there have been more than a few 14 second experiences. I’ve maybe confessed this to three or four people in my entire life. It’s been like a daemon in my soul, eating at me, eroding my confidence. When my mind decides to make an especially big deal out of it I reach the point where I’m actually scared to have sex because I’m scared of disappointing the girl and embarrassing myself. It really sucks.

Like many other things in life, this problem is not entirely logical. Of the 20+ girls I’ve slept with in my life, I’d say that me coming early has actually only been a deal breaker with 3. Most of the time they don’t care or I have no problem lasting longer for whatever reason (a few beers helps so much for some reason?). But still the insecurity remains. This is something I really, really need to change. The amount of time I spend mentally flagellating myself over this is entirely out of proportion to the problem. Again, I’m hoping to change this by just talking about this (even 3 months ago I was too scared to write about it) and just accepting it. Sure, sometimes I will come early. However, I always strive to give the girl a great sexual experience and also, when I have a girlfriend and we have sex a lot, the problem goes away.

Finally, lately I find myself thinking that I have to be the most attractive man on the planet or girls won’t want me. Total fucking bullshit! I don’t expect the girls I sleep with to be perfect, just meet some basic criteria. The criteria for girls to sleep with a guy is typically higher but it’s not so high that I have to be some sort of saint. By accepting myself flaws and all, and realizing that girls have flaws too, I can get to the point where I’m OK with myself as I am. I don’t have to be Julien or Brad Pitt, I can be me and girls will like me!

Fin

That’s everything in a nutshell. The two biggest takeaways are that I had no idea how detrimental it would be to live with an overbearing roommate who wanted me to act like her son. I thought I could ignore her, I couldn’t. I went borderline insane and the effects of that spilled over into all aspects of my life. Second, it would behoove me to stop trying so fucking hard to chase perfection. Always reading another self-help book, doing the next “right” thing, striving to always be better.

I mean this is all good, but I’m already on the right highway to success. Maybe the 80mph lane gets me there a bit faster, but I’m also more likely to crash and burn. As it is I’m driving 65mph and doing just fine. Lighten up, love myself a bit more and get back some of that naturally magnetic vibe that I’ve had in times past.

Long Lessons from 18 Months in NYC

The following are some of the lessons that I’ve learned since moving to New York City 18 months ago. I came to NYC with the sole intent of doing cold approach pickup. I ran some rough math and figured out I went out 4.5 nights a week. I pulled a dozen + times, a number which definitely would have been higher if I hadn’t had zero logistics for 5 months. I’ve fucked up a lot, I’ve succeeded just as much and I’ve learned a number of lessons. These are the main lessons, and the ones I’ll keep in mind for the future.

Cold Approach is a Skill that Can Be Learned

If you go out a lot and approach, you can get better. It doesn’t matter how bad you are, everyone is capable of improvement. That being said, it’s a fucking intense skill to learn. Pickup has caused me to experience the highest highs and lowest lows. It’s also awfully complex. Earlier it took me 13 months to go from zero to fluency in Russian. I equate learning pickup to learning Russian, times three.

Your Living Situation Matters

Let me start with the massive caveat that there are heaps of guys who get laid who have nothing going for them. Their lives are in shambles but they have game and pull. I accept this but for me, at this particular stage, I’ve found that it’s important for me to have my life in order. That is, good living situation, good logistics and at least some modicum of satisfaction from my work. When I lack those things I notice that I do worse.

Field Reports are the Best Tool for Meeting Wingmen

I’ve gone to NYC meetups, posted in forums that I’m looking for wingmen, met guys at the club and had guys read my field reports then message me. Of these methods, having guys read my reports then hit me blows everything else out of the water. In 4 out of 5 cases these guys are the coolest, most dedicated, best wingmen imaginable. If you live in a big city and are going out, I would recommend posting reports not just for your own benefit, but as a tool to meet cool wingmen.

Your Self-Talk Matters, A Lot…

I used to tell myself things like “you’re bad with girls” or “girls just don’t like you”. I had no idea how much of a disservice I was doing myself. The problem is that these beliefs are self-reinforcing. That is, when you give them power then they become reality. Your brain will seek out ways to align your actions and results to those beliefs, thus killing your chances of getting laid. For the last year I’ve only reinforced helpful beliefs, like “I’m awesome” and “girls love me”. This has made a tremendous difference.

It’s Worth Putting in the Effort to Get into Good Clubs

Me and some wingmen have a Whatsapp group called NYC Nightlife Sucks. This is not negative, it’s the truth. From roughly October to April you’re lucky to find a couple of sets a night Sunday to Wednesday. That’s it! That being said, there is a good party happening every night of the week at one of the hot clubs. Getting access to that party would give you unlimited sets on all the off nights.

I initially had a few chances to get that access. I met a few promoters, I had some tentative relations there that could have blossomed into something. But I never pursued it. I told myself, fuck all that, you care about cold approach! Just focus on that! My heart was in the right place but long term I was shooting myself in the foot. It’s hard to focus on cold approach when you can’t find any girls. So in the future, in whatever city I move to, I would take the time to develop the connections that would allow me access to all the best parties.

Good Information Comes from Videos & Reading

The pickup videos are popular and with good reason, they’re great. But I find about half of all my best information from reading. Most pickup forums tend towards dreck, however, with a critical eye you can find some gold. I’ve found that typically videos provide a broad perspective on game while individual posts do a better job of breaking down minute concepts, giving you a chance to understand the thinking and logic behind another person’s beliefs.

It’s Up to You to Close

As the guy it’s your job to sort out the challenges. Get the logistics handled, deal with her objections, deal with her friends objections, and just fucking go for the close. Girls will not close you (exceptions aside for the stories we hear about advanced guys having girls close them, in my experience this rarely happens at a lower level). You can have the best fucking bond, have a magical time with her but if you don’t close, odds are sex isn’t going to happen.

Not Wanting to Leave Sweet Zone / Look Dumb

I think that in the last three months in particular I’ve stopped taking risks. My game got to the point where I can easily hook, have conversations, do cool shit, get makeouts, etc. It took a lot of work to just reach there and I feel that I started taking growth for granted and I stopped putting myself on the line. The problem is that to reach the next level I’m going to have to start looking dumb again. I’m going to have to take risks which will burn many sets.

Interestingly, I think that one of the reasons I stopped taking risks has to do with my awesome wingmen. I started going out with really cool guys and I didn’t want to look retarded in front of them. This is obviously 110% my own problem. I think that in the future I may reserve 2 or 3 nights a week to go out solo where I give myself permission to fuck up horribly and look like an idiot.

You Can Detach too Far from Results

Outcome independence is a big thing in pickup, as is the idea of this being about not just the girls but the personal growth. I totally believe in both but I think that I took them too far. I didn’t pull my last two or three months going out because I had zero logistics, but also because I didn’t push hard for the close. I put so much focus on “internal growth” that the girls became almost secondary. So I definitely fucked up here.

Overall I had a blast though and I’m really looking forward to future challenges. Berlin and Vegas are next on the list, let’s do it!

High End Clubs and Making Girls Abandon their Ubers

Favorite new song. Coworking spaces have been a big part of my experience in New York. I’d always toyed with the idea of sleeping at WeWork but the layout is too open. Not my new space though, they have a couple of couches tucked away in the back. I slept like a baby, no regrets. In other news our night out was interesting. My wingman is doing some promoting and he said he could get us all into a hot club. We showed up late, a ton of bullshit ensued and we more or less had to sneak in. Nothing like the high end club experience to make you feel like you’re a valueless piece of shit.

Inside it’s a different world. It’s a 4 girls to 1 guy ratio, maybe better. We start hammering out approaches and I quickly notice how ineffective my game is. I can’t hook a set to save my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m drinking, I don’t know. I realize that to succeed in this environment I would need to practice in it. But tonight is not the night for it, me and my other wingmen leave and take the 20 minute walk to Meatpacking.

Almost at Biergarten we open two girls on the sidewalk. My wingman starts making out with his girl, I talk to the friend. She’s getting into an Uber. I lean into the car and try to pull her out. She keeps saying nonsense like,

No, I would feel so bad about cancelling. We can’t just leave our Uber. We’re going home!”

I tell her it’s no big deal, he won’t care if she gets out. She doesn’t listen until her friend, who is fawning over my wingman, says,

Alicia! Get out of the Uber, we’re going with them.”

And that was that. It’s called an Uber pull, our specialty. We take the girls to the club but lose them after 3 minutes. No big deal, we open a bunch more. However, nothing sticks so well. Around 2 we call it a night and I go back to the hidden couch in my coworking space and sleep it off. That was my last weekend in New York for at least 6 months. It’s been a crazy adventure but I’m ready for a change. Time to throw the middle finger to the cold and go drive dirt bikes in Thailand.

Notes

*I’ve gotten a lot better but I’ve still got so far to go. Reaching a level of game where I’m effective in a high end club is going to take a lot.

*I’m ready to take a few months off from intense pickup. I’ll still do some daygame and go out here and there in Thailand but most of the focus is going to be on building up a business. I’m totally cool with this because I know that when I come back to it, my vague plan is to move to Berlin in the spring, I’m going to crush it and go harder than no other.

Stolen Sets and Thoughts on Chasing

Tonight my wingman took a girl from me. I was making out with her, her friend had just left, and my wingman came in and started hitting on her. I did not handle this well. I should have grabbed her hand and pulled her to another area in the bar. On the other hand, it’s my wingman. He’s supposed to have my back and I wasn’t really prepared to defend my girl from him. I’m disappointed that he would do that. I stick by the rule that the guy who opens the girl, gets the girl. So I’ll have words with him, see how he rationalized this into being cool.

In other news, I opened an awfully attractive chick who liked reading, traveling and was doing a grad program in creative writing. So my ideal girl. I reacted like a little kid when the teacher asks a question. I got all excited and lost my cool, as if I would prove to her that I like the same things by showing her how excited I was about what she’s saying. A terribly ineffective strategy. In the future, if I’m very impressed with a girl, I can tell her that but I don’t have to turn into a six year old.

Game Stuff

*A consistent trend with me is that I seek to fill in silences and never let the conversation lag. Sometimes (often?) I cut the girl off while she’s speaking. This is bad. I want to let her speak as much as she wants and I don’t want to discourage conversation by cutting her off.

*I think my game is going to start progressing faster because I have more mental bandwidth to focus on improvement. It used to be that I spent 90% of my brainpower on maintaining a good vibe, approaching, posture, tonality, that stuff. Now I’ve autopiloted a lot of it, freeing up tons of RAM to focus on the details. This is very good…

*I’m really interested in finding a way to chase less and let the girl chase more. What are the actions/vibe/beliefs that lead to me being the awesome guy and her investing in me? Logically, I see it like this..

  1. Girls like guys who are the shit.
  2. A guy who is the shit doesn’t need to prove himself to anyone.
  3. When a girl sees a guy not trying to prove anything and being totally comfortable, she assumes he’s the shit and gets attracted.

Essentially, how can I strengthen the belief that I’m the shit and cut out all those behaviors that indicate I’m trying to prove myself?

Tuesday is Game Night featuring Cute Girls

Had an above average Tuesday. We approached quite a few sets and things went fairly well. Still, I think that I can learn a lot from where I messed up.

Lessons

*I opened some cute girls and my wingman came in later. I had my girl, he had the friend. The vibe was pretty good, my girl was cool but she wouldn’t let me kiss her. After a while me and my wingman switched girls. Now I’m with the friend. This caused me to feel uncertain. Am I just keeping her socially warmed up or is this game time and my job is to escalate and make it happen? Being conservative I was just social, no escalation. The result? Some pickup artist with better game than me came in and swooped her. OK, so next time if I switch with my wingman I just go for it. Even as the original girl watches.

*Started the night by opening some cute girls from Florida. Initially I was talking to two then one faded, leaving me to talk to the cuter one. It was going good but I could see her slowly inching back towards her large group. Instead of taking action I just left the set. I think that what I needed to do was introduce myself to the group, say a few pleasantries and then (now as a member of the group) keep talking to my girl. I think that would have let the conversation go on for quite a while.

I will have to consciously force myself to do this group introduction. I have a few insecurities here. I feel like all the guys in the group are going to dislike me and the whole thing is a waste of time. I need to trash that useless point of view, assume that I’m the one with value, I’m the opportunity, and everyone there is lucky to meet me!

*In several sets I was consciously aware of some annoying behavior I was exhibiting. I was fidgeting, shifting weight from foot to foot and otherwise dispelling sexual tension and acting like a nervous beta. Subtle shit but shit nonetheless. Becoming aware of it, I was able to chill the fuck out and shut that all off for about a minute. I noticed an immediate change in how the girl looked at me. Then I lost it again and things returned to normal. That’s OK though, I’m now more aware of how these bad microexpressions and I can focus on removing them.

*I give my wingman kudos for getting us to do a ballsy approach. We looked through a window and saw a bar with five people in it, all sitting down. Two cute girls, three drunk dudes. My natural instinct was to ignore this, my wingman insisted we do it. So fuck it, I walk in and tap the cuter girl on the shoulder. She turns around and we start to have a good conversation. After a few minutes I get her to stand up. Brilliant stuff, shows I learned my lesson from Friday night. However, after talking for a bit, she wanders off to get another drink. Then she never comes back, she sort of hovers around the drunk dudes. I interpret this to mean she doesn’t like me and I call the night quits. In retrospect I think she wanted me to get her back, to reengage her. So next time when she wanders off, I make the effort to bring her back in.

*I am no longer phased when a girl mentions a boyfriend. If the interaction is going good and she’s giving me positive signs I just keep plowing. I treat it as though she never mentioned another guy. I don’t think I’ve slept with a girl who has a boyfriend yet but it’s bound to happen at some point. After all the wonderful shit I’ve gone through to reach even a modicum of talent, I feel 0% bad about this.

Some Sets and Some Experience in LES

My wingman strong armed me into going out tonight. I had my heart set on studying German and reading, but I couldn’t argue with his logic so we hit it up. Bounced all over LES, couple of different bars, loads of street sets. At the end I even approached a girl on the subway platform. We talked for a minute then she politely told me to buzz off. Earlier, another girl rudely told me to fuck off, shaking her middle finger at me to make sure I got the message.

Most times when this happens I’m cool with it, but once in a while I have a night where I take it personally. I think about me and my buddies, putting ourselves on the line and inviting rejection while girls just stand around and call all the shots. Or at least that’s how it can feel. But that’s really just a reflection of my mood right now. Other nights, when ownage occurs, we count ourselves blessed to be guys with a chance to improve.

In terms of interactions tonight, one set I missed the window for the makeout, that was unfortunate. She liked me for a while. Another set, met them on the street, bounced them to a bar. Once we got inside things fizzled. The ideal would have been to buy us all a drink. That would have guaranteed steady conversation for another 20 minutes. But $25 with tip is $30 more than I’m ready to spend.

There were other girls, I don’t remember them. It’s been four nights out in a row and I’m whipped. I’ve experienced heavy doses of most emotions. I feel like a guy who goes out regularly condenses five years worth of experience and emotion into one year, which can be intense. I have to say though, I love it. I wouldn’t trade all this for anything.

Notes

*What is it that girls want?

An Afterparty and Missing the Window for the Makeout

Mental flagellation for my actions last night. Pregame with the guys but I decided to stay sober. They had whiskey. Went to the club around midnight. Not much happening, checked upstairs and I saw two cute girls sitting on a couch. Sat down on the arm of the couch and started talking to mine. Realize two things,

  1. She’s tall, blonde and skinny as a fence post. Perfect, my ideal woman.
  2. This interaction has potential.

We talk for a while with me sitting on the arm rest, then I tell her to scoot over and I sit down on the couch. My wingman had sat down next to his girl a while ago. We talk some more and I’d like to go in for the kiss but I’m not sure how. We’re sitting next to each other and leaning in for it feels awkward. So I don’t do it. The club starts to clear out, I suggest we hit the afterparty in my buddy’s living room. Surprisingly they’re down. We get there, have a drink, I finally work up the courage to kiss her, she rejects it, I’m incredibly pissed I didn’t have the boldness to kiss her earlier when the window was open. I go home banging my head against the wall.

Notes

*The key piece I was missing last night was getting her to stand up to go for the makeout. Right before we left I had her stand up and we came close and I chickened out on kissing her, but the option was there. So next time when we’re both sitting down but I sense it’s time to makeout, I can wait till a high moment, pull her up and kiss her while standing. That’s the solution I was looking for last night.

*I think that beating myself over this is very helpful. What I’m trying to achieve is the courage, for lack of a better word, to do the right thing next time. The pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain of regret. My game needs to be on point, no matter how cute she is.

*The thing I can congratulate myself on last night was closing the deal. Asking the girls to come to the afterparty and making that happen.

*Game has infinite possibilities. There are so many ways to achieve the end goal. As I get better and see the subtle variations I’m blown away by how much their is to learn. At the core of everything though I see one thing: emotional control. That is, your reality is strong and you maintain a steady good state no matter what’s happening around you. Without this the potential is limited.

Shady Dealings in the Lower East Side

I was skeptical about going out last night but decided to do it anyways. 90% of the night I was solo. Still managed to open a bunch of sets. I didn’t have it though. Few conversations lasted long. Two highlights. I was talking to a girl and her guy friend came in. I watched them talk for a minute or two, then I said to her,

So you guys are friends from high school huh.”

She took a step back and gave me the creep face, how the fuck do you know that, are you stalking me? I had to think about it myself, how I knew. Just something about the vibe, how they were interacting. It was some Jedi shit and as soon as I broke down why I made that assumption she stopped thinking I was a stalker and started playing with her hair and giving me puppy eyes.

Later, end of the night, heading home. In a fairly unhelpful mood I see a stunner across the street. Six feet tall, divine face and that silky translucent hair that beautiful girls have. Normally I would not even consider this, given my mood. But fuck it, I walk across the street and talk to her. It lasts twenty seconds before she runs off. I leave feeling slightly better about the night.

Notes

*That set with the girl and her high school buddy, I handled it awkwardly at the end. I wanted to approach another girl. Instead of saying,

It’s been great talking to you guys, enjoy your evening!”

I did this fucking weird sauce, kind of slink away with odd body language. Totally bullshit. Next time I just say goodbye instead of slinking off like a criminal.

*I had been talking to a girl for a while, she liked me but her friends were being bitches. They pulled her away and left me high and dry. Later on I saw her standing by herself and reapproached. We started talking, she was giving me all the signs for the makeout but I never did it because I was too cognizant of the friends standing five feet away, staring at us. I don’t know what I was thinking, maybe that if I tried to kiss her the friends would freak out or something, and so I didn’t go for it. Next time, forget the friends, I go for the kiss. They can react however the fuck they want to, I’ll deal with it.

Jumping into a Random Girl’s Uber

Did some pretty baller stuff last night. I was out in LES solo. Approached a few girls, didn’t really see much so I left the bar to hit the sidewalk. Saw a girl pulling the classic I’m waiting for an Uber stance. Walk up to her, can see that it’s on, makeout within a minute. Ask her about her night, what she’s doing now. She says whatever but the way she phrases her words and the way she looks at me, I know that she wants me to stay with her.

So her Uber pulls up, I open the door for her, she gets in and I get in after her. We have not spoken a word about this, I just did it. Inside, see that she’s understandably a bit nervous so I tell a story. She relaxes, we have a fun ride, get to Greenpoint where she lives. She says I can come upstairs. Unfortunately, as we’re sneaking in there, smack in the middle of the living room is her roommate with a guy. Being cool, the cool says,

“I don’t think she I know you. My name’s John.”

Stands up and shakes my hand. The girls are fucking dying from laughter at the absurdity of this situation. My girl is embarrassed, takes us outside and I never convince her that going back to her bedroom is the best life course. She says to take her number, says we should meet up this weekend when her roommate isn’t around. We makeout and I leave.

Notes

*I was able to do all this because she wasn’t that cute. I gave zero fucks and felt fully entitled to act in any way I saw fit. If I could just carry this level of indifference and ballsy behavior to all girls I think that I would do very well for myself. This is a really interesting idea because I don’t think entitlement is as set as we think. I think the bigger issue for me is that I don’t really feel like a boss in NYC right now. I’m not spending money because I’m saving, I live in a shitty part of town and I’m working a job that less rewarding than washing dishes. Why the fuck should I feel entitled to the hottest women? On the other hand, some guys have it way worse and bang all sorts of girls. This whole thing is a bit of a mindfuck and something that I think about daily.

*Currently, my biggest sticking point: I need to close harder. That’s it. Staying in set and pushing to get the girl back to my place, asking multiple times, trying in multiple ways and not giving up. At this point this is more important than my eye contact, making out, dealing with friends, approaching, staying in set, fucking whatever else. I’ve got all of that handled to a good level, failing to be a hard closer is my number one sticking point right now. Which leads me to..

*My natural buddy who sleeps with an ungodly number of girls. He has massive holes in his game, he admits that he’s prone to running out of things to say and other seemingly beginner issues. But he succeeds because he does three things extremely well. He approaches everything, he gets physical almost immediately and he closes like a motherfucker. His game is to walk up to a girl, say whatever, go for the makeout then invite her to the after party at his place. It’s unreal how many women he sleeps with and when I compare my game to his, the biggest difference I see is that he’s always fucking closing, and I’m not.

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