First, 80% of the reason I’ve gotten over most of my approach anxiety are the 500 sets I’ve opened in the last few months. You can’t armchair think your way out of AA.


Even after that, there was still this lingering feeling of anxiety that bugged the hell out of me and made me feel increasingly nervous, the closer I got to the club every night. Then I thought to myself, why am I having this illogical reaction? I’ve done half a thousand approaches, not a single bad thing has happened, why am I feeling so nervous? I pondered this for a minute and the following exercise is what I came up with. Asking myself:

What are all the reasons I feel nervous to approach?

1. I’m scared I won’t be able to give her good sex
2. I’m scared of what she will say to me
3. I’m scared I won’t have enough to say
4. I’m scared people will think I’m a social outcast
5. I’m scared of what other people will think of me

Then asking, are these beliefs valid? 

1. Not especially. I’m pretty good at sex and I’m not selfish in bed.
2. After 500 approaches I’ve maybe gotten five or ten harsh rejections that hurt. That’s only about 1 girl in 100, not so bad.
3. Not really an issue anymore. Even if it is, I can always revert to asking questions if I feel truly stumped.
4. As long as I have a wingman or two beers I don’t give a flying fuck what other people think.
5. Same answer as above.

The Result

This exercise took me just five minutes but it had a noticeable effect on my approach anxiety. Just identifying what was making me nervous, then logically dispelling it, made all the difference. Of course this won’t work if you don’t actually go out, but for those guys who do and are working through their Approach Anxiety, I think it holds serious merit.