Out in Black

Learning Game: Reports from the Field

Category: Field Report (Page 1 of 29)

Koh Samui Beach Drinking and Pool Party with the French

Going to combine two into one. Saturday night out for 4 hours in Koh Samui, beers with the guys. Loads of girls. Sunday night, laidback party with 4 French girls, our neighbors. Interesting vibe.

Saturday night, talking to all the girls. Took me a minute to get into it, had to warm up, the usual. Tried to kiss a Swedish girl, she deflected. OK, maybe misread that. Mostly I felt the impotence of lacking logistics. The party area of Koh Samui is a 40 minute drive, by taxi, from our house. I’ve talked about this before, I’m very confident that my shortcoming in game is that I’m not closing well enough. And with bad logistics I’m especially bad. But could this also just be a state of mind, something deeper? We here stories about guys pulling with no logistics? I promise that whatever my weaknesses are in this area, I’m staring closely at them.

In other news, tough part of going out in Thailand is that, foreigners aside, you don’t know when you approach an Asian woman whether she will be a lady boy (realistically small chance) or a prostitute (realistically, not a super small chance). We bitched about this inconvenience.

Now, party with the French girls, just got back from it. Interesting to see the dynamics of female/male attraction. I would have had sex with any of those girls and the preference between them was not that great. For them, all the attention focused on our Czech friend who looks like a model, illustrating the concept that girls would rather share a winner than have their own “mediocre” guy. In terms of evolution it makes sense.

Here’s the thing though, at the party I was just enjoying myself. I was not thinking about all the girls being into my Czech friend, I was not questioning my masculinity, I was not obsessing with the “power balance” or any bullshit. I was just sitting there, drinking the wine, feeling good. Compare that to my other buddy (not a virgin, this is a guy who is ob-fucking-sessed with pickup and has slept with 80+ girls), who had healthy interest in talking about good looking guys, how they capture attention, how we were getting less attention than him, how the vibe was playing out, etc. He wanted to put reality into words.

And that’s just it, if pressed I could read the situation just as well as him, I could obsess over why Czech guy got it all and I didn’t. But I did not want to do that. I do not want to think in these ways. I strive, fucking strive, to accept situations, to roll with it, to be fluid. Like a guy dribbling, he doesn’t think he does. Maybe he dribbles well, maybe he messes up, but he just does it. He doesn’t think about the angle of his fucking hand as he hits the ball.

This gets close to the deeper level of game that I believe exists. A level of extreme self-acceptance, self-love, self-belief. A level where you are the attraction, you don’t assume you have to do anything to generate attraction in the girl, you just feel it in the air. Man, this is hard for me to define because I’m describing something that I don’t embody yet. I’m trying to describe what it’s like to drive a car when I’ve never gotten behind the wheel. But I’ve seen pictures of people driving cars, videos of people driving, read what people have written about it. I have some clues, I’m studying to get my license right now.

All in all, a fucking exciting two days. Just a fun reminder of what girls are like. I have zero expectations right now, in terms of women. I’m 100% focused on building my brand, I’m releasing a YouTube video every day, crushing it in lifestyle which, long-term, will 10x my ability to effortlessly crush it with women. In terms of that party, what would I change? Nothing, my buddy was simply the more attractive man in a game where winner takes all. That’s fine, I will seek to learn from my Czech friend and I’ll appreciate that I was able to enjoy the party without overthinking it.

Bullshit in Bangkok and Evaluating my Life

This report is going to be divided into two sections. The first is a brief overview of my night out in Bangkok. The second part is an annoyingly honest evaluation of my life at present. This second part is mostly for me, I don’t imagine many will muster the interest to read it. So with that being said, let’s look at Bangkok.

A few months ago this RSD guy who I met in New York hit me up and asked go to out. Said I couldn’t, I was going to Thailand. He said he was too, what a coincidence. Said he had an apartment in State Tower, downtown Bangkok. Invited me to stay with him and I accepted. After recovering from jet lag on Friday night, Saturday night we took a ride out to the main party road in Bangkok. Debauchery, drunkenness, filth and hedonism.

I haven’t talked to any girls in two weeks but I got right into it. Could feel my vibe was off which was to be expected. Kept approaching, things got a bit better. I sat down to talk to this English chick but the music was so loud we couldn’t hear each other. In general this whole area was the loudest place I’ve ever been in my life as a PUA. Made it impossible to even attempt to have a conversation.

I kept at it though and got a couple of “bad” rejections which really stung. Then I found this cute French girl and it was on. We were vibing, I could tell she liked me, bam… But I had to leave her because my wingman was lost, I didn’t have a working cellphone and without him I can’t get home. So that was the best set of the night. If it weren’t for the missing wingman and lost in Bangkok factor I would have pushed it much, much further.

After that we did a few more half-assed approaches before calling it a night. I got 2.4 hours of sleep, woke up and got on a bus, then a ferry, to arrive in Koh Samui 10 hours later. I’ll be here for the next 6 weeks, living with the two RSD guys who I spent two weeks in Ukraine with. Glory times! Now let’s look at the state of my existence on this planet.

Existence

Right now I’m in this really weird fucking place where I feel like no girl will ever like me. It’s really demented because logically speaking it’s not true. But I think that not getting laid in 3 months is playing a big part in that thinking. How the fuck did I manage to not get laid in three months? Shitty logistics and living with a domineering, older lady who tried to run my life and treat me like her son. I knew that this living situation would be shitty but I just didn’t realize how much a lack of freedom would affect me. I suspect it’s one of the reasons guys feel so miserable in marriage when they feel like their wife runs everything.

Another aspect of me not feeling like a king is that I’m being unnecessarily hard on myself. I accept 100% responsibility for my life, I do not blame others. However, I think a lot of my negative thinking originates from the pickup community. The message that I tend to pick up is that you should go harder, stay out longer, pull more, be bolder and if you don’t get laid X amount you have to check yourself.

This is probably really helpful for people who are just getting started, they need that kick in the ass. However, right now it’s hurting more than helping me. When I go out I’m so obsessed with getting the makeout, doing the tough approaches, breaking new boundaries, that I forget to just have fun. I’m so fucking caught up in my head that I can’t just let it all go and enjoy myself. Which, if I could do this more consistently, I believe would get me laid a lot more! And this doesn’t just apply to the club. I consistently judge myself throughout the day which, to some degree, hinders my ability to be that cool guy with the charismatic vibe

All that being said, I’m going to do a bit of an experiment. I’m going to stop reading so many god damn self-help books and comparing myself to people like Julien, Jocko, Wade Alters, Jordan Peterson, etc. I’m going to focus on telling myself I am enough already. I’m good enough for a girl to love, I’m good enough to be a cool person. If I never adopt this mindset than I’ll never get there! I could sleep with a 100 girls and read a 1,000 self-help books but if I feel like I still have to reach some next level, I’ll just end up climbing a ladder that never ends. Fuck that!

Another aspect of feeling like I’m not enough, this one more insidious, is the fact that I have the tendency to come early during sex. Never to the point where I blew a load in my pants, but there have been more than a few 14 second experiences. I’ve maybe confessed this to three or four people in my entire life. It’s been like a daemon in my soul, eating at me, eroding my confidence. When my mind decides to make an especially big deal out of it I reach the point where I’m actually scared to have sex because I’m scared of disappointing the girl and embarrassing myself. It really sucks.

Like many other things in life, this problem is not entirely logical. Of the 20+ girls I’ve slept with in my life, I’d say that me coming early has actually only been a deal breaker with 3. Most of the time they don’t care or I have no problem lasting longer for whatever reason (a few beers helps so much for some reason?). But still the insecurity remains. This is something I really, really need to change. The amount of time I spend mentally flagellating myself over this is entirely out of proportion to the problem. Again, I’m hoping to change this by just talking about this (even 3 months ago I was too scared to write about it) and just accepting it. Sure, sometimes I will come early. However, I always strive to give the girl a great sexual experience and also, when I have a girlfriend and we have sex a lot, the problem goes away.

Finally, lately I find myself thinking that I have to be the most attractive man on the planet or girls won’t want me. Total fucking bullshit! I don’t expect the girls I sleep with to be perfect, just meet some basic criteria. The criteria for girls to sleep with a guy is typically higher but it’s not so high that I have to be some sort of saint. By accepting myself flaws and all, and realizing that girls have flaws too, I can get to the point where I’m OK with myself as I am. I don’t have to be Julien or Brad Pitt, I can be me and girls will like me!

Fin

That’s everything in a nutshell. The two biggest takeaways are that I had no idea how detrimental it would be to live with an overbearing roommate who wanted me to act like her son. I thought I could ignore her, I couldn’t. I went borderline insane and the effects of that spilled over into all aspects of my life. Second, it would behoove me to stop trying so fucking hard to chase perfection. Always reading another self-help book, doing the next “right” thing, striving to always be better.

I mean this is all good, but I’m already on the right highway to success. Maybe the 80mph lane gets me there a bit faster, but I’m also more likely to crash and burn. As it is I’m driving 65mph and doing just fine. Lighten up, love myself a bit more and get back some of that naturally magnetic vibe that I’ve had in times past.

High End Clubs and Making Girls Abandon their Ubers

Favorite new song. Coworking spaces have been a big part of my experience in New York. I’d always toyed with the idea of sleeping at WeWork but the layout is too open. Not my new space though, they have a couple of couches tucked away in the back. I slept like a baby, no regrets. In other news our night out was interesting. My wingman is doing some promoting and he said he could get us all into a hot club. We showed up late, a ton of bullshit ensued and we more or less had to sneak in. Nothing like the high end club experience to make you feel like you’re a valueless piece of shit.

Inside it’s a different world. It’s a 4 girls to 1 guy ratio, maybe better. We start hammering out approaches and I quickly notice how ineffective my game is. I can’t hook a set to save my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m drinking, I don’t know. I realize that to succeed in this environment I would need to practice in it. But tonight is not the night for it, me and my other wingmen leave and take the 20 minute walk to Meatpacking.

Almost at Biergarten we open two girls on the sidewalk. My wingman starts making out with his girl, I talk to the friend. She’s getting into an Uber. I lean into the car and try to pull her out. She keeps saying nonsense like,

No, I would feel so bad about cancelling. We can’t just leave our Uber. We’re going home!”

I tell her it’s no big deal, he won’t care if she gets out. She doesn’t listen until her friend, who is fawning over my wingman, says,

Alicia! Get out of the Uber, we’re going with them.”

And that was that. It’s called an Uber pull, our specialty. We take the girls to the club but lose them after 3 minutes. No big deal, we open a bunch more. However, nothing sticks so well. Around 2 we call it a night and I go back to the hidden couch in my coworking space and sleep it off. That was my last weekend in New York for at least 6 months. It’s been a crazy adventure but I’m ready for a change. Time to throw the middle finger to the cold and go drive dirt bikes in Thailand.

Notes

*I’ve gotten a lot better but I’ve still got so far to go. Reaching a level of game where I’m effective in a high end club is going to take a lot.

*I’m ready to take a few months off from intense pickup. I’ll still do some daygame and go out here and there in Thailand but most of the focus is going to be on building up a business. I’m totally cool with this because I know that when I come back to it, my vague plan is to move to Berlin in the spring, I’m going to crush it and go harder than no other.

Stolen Sets and Thoughts on Chasing

Tonight my wingman took a girl from me. I was making out with her, her friend had just left, and my wingman came in and started hitting on her. I did not handle this well. I should have grabbed her hand and pulled her to another area in the bar. On the other hand, it’s my wingman. He’s supposed to have my back and I wasn’t really prepared to defend my girl from him. I’m disappointed that he would do that. I stick by the rule that the guy who opens the girl, gets the girl. So I’ll have words with him, see how he rationalized this into being cool.

In other news, I opened an awfully attractive chick who liked reading, traveling and was doing a grad program in creative writing. So my ideal girl. I reacted like a little kid when the teacher asks a question. I got all excited and lost my cool, as if I would prove to her that I like the same things by showing her how excited I was about what she’s saying. A terribly ineffective strategy. In the future, if I’m very impressed with a girl, I can tell her that but I don’t have to turn into a six year old.

Game Stuff

*A consistent trend with me is that I seek to fill in silences and never let the conversation lag. Sometimes (often?) I cut the girl off while she’s speaking. This is bad. I want to let her speak as much as she wants and I don’t want to discourage conversation by cutting her off.

*I think my game is going to start progressing faster because I have more mental bandwidth to focus on improvement. It used to be that I spent 90% of my brainpower on maintaining a good vibe, approaching, posture, tonality, that stuff. Now I’ve autopiloted a lot of it, freeing up tons of RAM to focus on the details. This is very good…

*I’m really interested in finding a way to chase less and let the girl chase more. What are the actions/vibe/beliefs that lead to me being the awesome guy and her investing in me? Logically, I see it like this..

  1. Girls like guys who are the shit.
  2. A guy who is the shit doesn’t need to prove himself to anyone.
  3. When a girl sees a guy not trying to prove anything and being totally comfortable, she assumes he’s the shit and gets attracted.

Essentially, how can I strengthen the belief that I’m the shit and cut out all those behaviors that indicate I’m trying to prove myself?

Tuesday is Game Night featuring Cute Girls

Had an above average Tuesday. We approached quite a few sets and things went fairly well. Still, I think that I can learn a lot from where I messed up.

Lessons

*I opened some cute girls and my wingman came in later. I had my girl, he had the friend. The vibe was pretty good, my girl was cool but she wouldn’t let me kiss her. After a while me and my wingman switched girls. Now I’m with the friend. This caused me to feel uncertain. Am I just keeping her socially warmed up or is this game time and my job is to escalate and make it happen? Being conservative I was just social, no escalation. The result? Some pickup artist with better game than me came in and swooped her. OK, so next time if I switch with my wingman I just go for it. Even as the original girl watches.

*Started the night by opening some cute girls from Florida. Initially I was talking to two then one faded, leaving me to talk to the cuter one. It was going good but I could see her slowly inching back towards her large group. Instead of taking action I just left the set. I think that what I needed to do was introduce myself to the group, say a few pleasantries and then (now as a member of the group) keep talking to my girl. I think that would have let the conversation go on for quite a while.

I will have to consciously force myself to do this group introduction. I have a few insecurities here. I feel like all the guys in the group are going to dislike me and the whole thing is a waste of time. I need to trash that useless point of view, assume that I’m the one with value, I’m the opportunity, and everyone there is lucky to meet me!

*In several sets I was consciously aware of some annoying behavior I was exhibiting. I was fidgeting, shifting weight from foot to foot and otherwise dispelling sexual tension and acting like a nervous beta. Subtle shit but shit nonetheless. Becoming aware of it, I was able to chill the fuck out and shut that all off for about a minute. I noticed an immediate change in how the girl looked at me. Then I lost it again and things returned to normal. That’s OK though, I’m now more aware of how these bad microexpressions and I can focus on removing them.

*I give my wingman kudos for getting us to do a ballsy approach. We looked through a window and saw a bar with five people in it, all sitting down. Two cute girls, three drunk dudes. My natural instinct was to ignore this, my wingman insisted we do it. So fuck it, I walk in and tap the cuter girl on the shoulder. She turns around and we start to have a good conversation. After a few minutes I get her to stand up. Brilliant stuff, shows I learned my lesson from Friday night. However, after talking for a bit, she wanders off to get another drink. Then she never comes back, she sort of hovers around the drunk dudes. I interpret this to mean she doesn’t like me and I call the night quits. In retrospect I think she wanted me to get her back, to reengage her. So next time when she wanders off, I make the effort to bring her back in.

*I am no longer phased when a girl mentions a boyfriend. If the interaction is going good and she’s giving me positive signs I just keep plowing. I treat it as though she never mentioned another guy. I don’t think I’ve slept with a girl who has a boyfriend yet but it’s bound to happen at some point. After all the wonderful shit I’ve gone through to reach even a modicum of talent, I feel 0% bad about this.

Some Sets and Some Experience in LES

My wingman strong armed me into going out tonight. I had my heart set on studying German and reading, but I couldn’t argue with his logic so we hit it up. Bounced all over LES, couple of different bars, loads of street sets. At the end I even approached a girl on the subway platform. We talked for a minute then she politely told me to buzz off. Earlier, another girl rudely told me to fuck off, shaking her middle finger at me to make sure I got the message.

Most times when this happens I’m cool with it, but once in a while I have a night where I take it personally. I think about me and my buddies, putting ourselves on the line and inviting rejection while girls just stand around and call all the shots. Or at least that’s how it can feel. But that’s really just a reflection of my mood right now. Other nights, when ownage occurs, we count ourselves blessed to be guys with a chance to improve.

In terms of interactions tonight, one set I missed the window for the makeout, that was unfortunate. She liked me for a while. Another set, met them on the street, bounced them to a bar. Once we got inside things fizzled. The ideal would have been to buy us all a drink. That would have guaranteed steady conversation for another 20 minutes. But $25 with tip is $30 more than I’m ready to spend.

There were other girls, I don’t remember them. It’s been four nights out in a row and I’m whipped. I’ve experienced heavy doses of most emotions. I feel like a guy who goes out regularly condenses five years worth of experience and emotion into one year, which can be intense. I have to say though, I love it. I wouldn’t trade all this for anything.

Notes

*What is it that girls want?

An Afterparty and Missing the Window for the Makeout

Mental flagellation for my actions last night. Pregame with the guys but I decided to stay sober. They had whiskey. Went to the club around midnight. Not much happening, checked upstairs and I saw two cute girls sitting on a couch. Sat down on the arm of the couch and started talking to mine. Realize two things,

  1. She’s tall, blonde and skinny as a fence post. Perfect, my ideal woman.
  2. This interaction has potential.

We talk for a while with me sitting on the arm rest, then I tell her to scoot over and I sit down on the couch. My wingman had sat down next to his girl a while ago. We talk some more and I’d like to go in for the kiss but I’m not sure how. We’re sitting next to each other and leaning in for it feels awkward. So I don’t do it. The club starts to clear out, I suggest we hit the afterparty in my buddy’s living room. Surprisingly they’re down. We get there, have a drink, I finally work up the courage to kiss her, she rejects it, I’m incredibly pissed I didn’t have the boldness to kiss her earlier when the window was open. I go home banging my head against the wall.

Notes

*The key piece I was missing last night was getting her to stand up to go for the makeout. Right before we left I had her stand up and we came close and I chickened out on kissing her, but the option was there. So next time when we’re both sitting down but I sense it’s time to makeout, I can wait till a high moment, pull her up and kiss her while standing. That’s the solution I was looking for last night.

*I think that beating myself over this is very helpful. What I’m trying to achieve is the courage, for lack of a better word, to do the right thing next time. The pain of rejection is nothing compared to the pain of regret. My game needs to be on point, no matter how cute she is.

*The thing I can congratulate myself on last night was closing the deal. Asking the girls to come to the afterparty and making that happen.

*Game has infinite possibilities. There are so many ways to achieve the end goal. As I get better and see the subtle variations I’m blown away by how much their is to learn. At the core of everything though I see one thing: emotional control. That is, your reality is strong and you maintain a steady good state no matter what’s happening around you. Without this the potential is limited.

Shady Dealings in the Lower East Side

I was skeptical about going out last night but decided to do it anyways. 90% of the night I was solo. Still managed to open a bunch of sets. I didn’t have it though. Few conversations lasted long. Two highlights. I was talking to a girl and her guy friend came in. I watched them talk for a minute or two, then I said to her,

So you guys are friends from high school huh.”

She took a step back and gave me the creep face, how the fuck do you know that, are you stalking me? I had to think about it myself, how I knew. Just something about the vibe, how they were interacting. It was some Jedi shit and as soon as I broke down why I made that assumption she stopped thinking I was a stalker and started playing with her hair and giving me puppy eyes.

Later, end of the night, heading home. In a fairly unhelpful mood I see a stunner across the street. Six feet tall, divine face and that silky translucent hair that beautiful girls have. Normally I would not even consider this, given my mood. But fuck it, I walk across the street and talk to her. It lasts twenty seconds before she runs off. I leave feeling slightly better about the night.

Notes

*That set with the girl and her high school buddy, I handled it awkwardly at the end. I wanted to approach another girl. Instead of saying,

It’s been great talking to you guys, enjoy your evening!”

I did this fucking weird sauce, kind of slink away with odd body language. Totally bullshit. Next time I just say goodbye instead of slinking off like a criminal.

*I had been talking to a girl for a while, she liked me but her friends were being bitches. They pulled her away and left me high and dry. Later on I saw her standing by herself and reapproached. We started talking, she was giving me all the signs for the makeout but I never did it because I was too cognizant of the friends standing five feet away, staring at us. I don’t know what I was thinking, maybe that if I tried to kiss her the friends would freak out or something, and so I didn’t go for it. Next time, forget the friends, I go for the kiss. They can react however the fuck they want to, I’ll deal with it.

Jumping into a Random Girl’s Uber

Did some pretty baller stuff last night. I was out in LES solo. Approached a few girls, didn’t really see much so I left the bar to hit the sidewalk. Saw a girl pulling the classic I’m waiting for an Uber stance. Walk up to her, can see that it’s on, makeout within a minute. Ask her about her night, what she’s doing now. She says whatever but the way she phrases her words and the way she looks at me, I know that she wants me to stay with her.

So her Uber pulls up, I open the door for her, she gets in and I get in after her. We have not spoken a word about this, I just did it. Inside, see that she’s understandably a bit nervous so I tell a story. She relaxes, we have a fun ride, get to Greenpoint where she lives. She says I can come upstairs. Unfortunately, as we’re sneaking in there, smack in the middle of the living room is her roommate with a guy. Being cool, the cool says,

“I don’t think she I know you. My name’s John.”

Stands up and shakes my hand. The girls are fucking dying from laughter at the absurdity of this situation. My girl is embarrassed, takes us outside and I never convince her that going back to her bedroom is the best life course. She says to take her number, says we should meet up this weekend when her roommate isn’t around. We makeout and I leave.

Notes

*I was able to do all this because she wasn’t that cute. I gave zero fucks and felt fully entitled to act in any way I saw fit. If I could just carry this level of indifference and ballsy behavior to all girls I think that I would do very well for myself. This is a really interesting idea because I don’t think entitlement is as set as we think. I think the bigger issue for me is that I don’t really feel like a boss in NYC right now. I’m not spending money because I’m saving, I live in a shitty part of town and I’m working a job that less rewarding than washing dishes. Why the fuck should I feel entitled to the hottest women? On the other hand, some guys have it way worse and bang all sorts of girls. This whole thing is a bit of a mindfuck and something that I think about daily.

*Currently, my biggest sticking point: I need to close harder. That’s it. Staying in set and pushing to get the girl back to my place, asking multiple times, trying in multiple ways and not giving up. At this point this is more important than my eye contact, making out, dealing with friends, approaching, staying in set, fucking whatever else. I’ve got all of that handled to a good level, failing to be a hard closer is my number one sticking point right now. Which leads me to..

*My natural buddy who sleeps with an ungodly number of girls. He has massive holes in his game, he admits that he’s prone to running out of things to say and other seemingly beginner issues. But he succeeds because he does three things extremely well. He approaches everything, he gets physical almost immediately and he closes like a motherfucker. His game is to walk up to a girl, say whatever, go for the makeout then invite her to the after party at his place. It’s unreal how many women he sleeps with and when I compare my game to his, the biggest difference I see is that he’s always fucking closing, and I’m not.

All the Sets and the Party Vibes

Damn, last night was new level. I think it’s the craziest I’ve ever been in a club. I was approaching everything, dancing, jumping around, had a bunch of girls staring at me, it was a blast. I brought a tanker’s worth of energy to the club. But even in the moment I knew it wasn’t effective in terms of pulling a girl. While everything blew open and I talked to 10 or 20 women in a short span of time, most of them probably thought two things.

  1. This guy is drunk as fuck and/or on drugs (in fact I was dead sober).
  2. This guy is too much for me to handle, I don’t even know what to say to him.

So what ended up happening is I approached all of the best sets early in the night with that tornado energy then when I started reapproaching later on, I found a lot of them dismissed me or the friends pulled the girl away. Probably most of them thinking, ewww, you don’t want to talk to that super drunk dude.

I did make out with a girl but I hardly even count that as anything. That’s just what I expect at this point, it’s a normal night. You’re best night now is your average night in six months, this dictum seems to ring very true.

Notes

*I started off the night strong by approaching a tall beautiful woman on the street. She was Swiss and it turned into a very good conversation. I think that at the end I could have kissed her. Didn’t go for it, perhaps due to fear or lack of belief. But next time I absolutely will. All I can think is about is how I failed to do the right thing, I wouldn’t have cared if she reciprocated or not.

*I’m proud that last night I deliberately approached all the cutest girls and stuck in set for as long as they would have me. I can feel myself acting rather strange and incongruent whens he’s especially beautiful and I have to overcome this. I will say though, I see progress from even just a few months ago. I’m having longer interactions with the cute ones and things are generally going better. I don’t think it’s long before I makeout for the first time with a girl where I truly feel like, holy shit, I can’t believe that just happened.

Beer and the Lower East Side

Last night I told my boss that I’m leaving New York and moving to Thailand. He didn’t seem to care much, as expected. He said I could keep doing some freelance work online. That’s great for me, means I’ll be able to live off of that and keep my savings. After work was over I celebrated by drinking a bunch of beer and bullshitting with my wingman for 45 minutes at WeWork.

He was feeling sick so he left and I hopped the train back home. I had every intention of leaving Manhattan but fate intervened. We pulled into the station right by all the bars in LES and I couldn’t help it. I got off, went out and talked to maybe ten girls. I don’t think I accomplished much, I was fairly beer-laden.

Right now I’m in a weird spot. My living situation isn’t the best, I’m leaving New York in two weeks so I don’t feel fully committed. I’m not on an upwards spiral as they say. But I’m strangely OK with it. I know the work necessary to change and I know that I’m capable of it. I look forward to the future and I look forward to never again repeating the myriad of mistakes I’ve made in the last 18 months. It’s been fucking awesome and I’ve grown about 700%, but I also have done a lot of things that need never be repeated.

Hurdles and Questions About Game

Went out, pushed myself, did things I was nervous to do, all the usual. Still getting back into it though, haven’t completely gotten back my awesome vibe. I talked to a model, she said two words to me. I talked to a very attractive woman last night. She saw a chink in me and the set was over within a minute.

Even all the other girls, I’m not getting laid right now and it sucks. It’s true I have zero logistics but I’ve gotten laid before with zero logistics. If I had to say I’m fucking up one thing, it’s tactical planning. Figuring out a way to move the set from the bar to the bedroom. Going for the pull, getting her out of the bar and into the taxi. It’s like I lack the belief right now to do that.

This is the first point since the time I started, 18 months ago, that I would seriously consider paying for a bootcamp. It’s the first time where I really feel like I’m lost in the woods. Approaching, hooking sets, going for the makeout, keeping the conversation going, etc. All of the fundamentals of pickup are not currently my sticking point. It’s transitioning from the bar to the bedroom that is holding me up. It’s very frustrating to not see it happening. I have two weeks left in New York, I really want to pull.

Notes

*I talked in an earlier field report about how I sometimes close space with a girl and end up pushing her away. I’m 99% sure this is not good, but I also know that in order to makeout and get physical I do have to breach the barrier at some point. How to do it more effectively though? I’m thinking I need to get into a space where I’m leaning back and drawing her in. Create a vacuum for her to fill.

*My eye contact with the most attractive ladies is not fantastic right now. I think it’s perhaps why I missed making out with two cute girls the last two nights. I have to fix this.

*I’m wondering if the reason I’m not pulling is a subtle belief that’s sabotaging me. When I moved to my current apartment I said to myself, well, no logistics. Guess you won’t be pulling now. I haven’t ever really thought about that again but I wonder if it’s turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy? I have to believe I can pull otherwise it will never happen.

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