Out in Black

Learning Game: Reports from the Field

Category: Thoughts on Game (Page 1 of 4)

Have Your Best Night by Annihilating Negative Thinking

If you’re like me, when you’re in the club your brain loves to make horrible suggestions..

You’re not good enough for her.

What you’re saying is boring and she doesn’t care.

You’re tired, just go home.

You’re not going to pull her, why even try.

You’re not awesome, don’t even bother.

The problem with this horrendous bullshit is that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you feed into these thoughts they grow and become reality. Then you’re done. Maybe you ruin that set, maybe you ruin the night. You slip into a downwards spiral and it’s awfully tough to climb back out.


This doesn’t have to happen. If you can annihilate these thoughts early you can keep your awesome vibe going. It’s pretty easy to do. As soon as you notice the first hint of a negative thought weaseling in, cut it! Say no, fuck that. I’m awesome, girls love. My night is going great, I’m fucking amazing.

And then you make that your reality. Let that simmer and grow into something, instead of watering the shitty thoughts. Reality is subjective, there really isn’t some “truth” that is valid. You can shape the moment into whatever the fuck you want it to be, so shape it into something beautiful.

Self-Referencing State, the Root of Attraction

The following is predicated upon,

attraction = a display of high status behaviors. From the obvious eye contact and posture to the subtle abundance and non-reactivity.

A common problem for new guys is running out of things to say. Your mouth freezes and you can’t open it with a crowbar. There are ways around this. You free associate, tell stories or talk about retarded shit. In time your brain eases up on the judgement and you start holding normal conversations.

Now that you can talk, you might begin to worry about the value you’re offering. Was it the right moment for that, should I be staying silent and waiting for her to speak up, I shouldn’t have interrupted her just then, etc. In seeking to offer value you may do things with a proven track record. You know that certain words / phrases tend to get positive reactions and you say these things and hope she laughs or asks a question. This is unfortunate because you are now dependent on her reaction. If she laughs you feel good. If she doesn’t, you feel a little gap there, a sense of lack. This is not good! The thing we’re aiming for is self-referencing state.

Self-referencing state happens when your emotional well-being is generated solely by your own actions and words. You are free from her outcome, you need nothing. You say I love your shirt and it doesn’t matter whether she laughs, cries or tries to kiss you, you’re good. You crack a joke, she doesn’t get it, stares at you like you’re weird. That’s cool, you weren’t depending on any kind of reaction. You just keep feeling good, recognizing that everyone has a unique sense of humor. You have an implicit faith in yourself, you’re just the high status guy that she’s been waiting for. It’s your lack of trying to prove that which demonstrates it perfectly.

Anyways, it’s only in the last week or two that I’ve started to understand this in any kind of meaningful way. So I’ve got a long, long ways to go. In refining my thinking, however, I do have a place to start. Those split-second moments, in every interaction, when I try and make interaction go better, fill in the silence, whatever. Instead of doing this, I can listen to that coolness voice, break an old pattern and focus on keeping myself happy instead of her. Moving forward depends on this.

7 Things that I’m Fucking Up in Game

I’m listening to Ray Dalio’s book and one line stuck out. He said something along the lines of,

The people who improve the fastest are the ones who are self-aware and reflect carefully on their mistakes.

So in the spirit of following a billionaires advice, I think it’d be cool to reflect on what I’m currently fucking up.

  1. I’m not saying in set long enough, especially with the cuter women. I bail early because they give me so few signs and I assume they’re not attracted. This is not the case, they are attracted it’s just that they’re conditioned to hide it. They want guys to plow without any encouragement. In order to get these high quality girls it’s crucial that I persist, persist, persist.
  2. I can’t interpret eye rolling or dismissive comments as a total rejection, not the truth! Girls live in the moment. One second she may call me the devil’s toilet paper on quesadilla night, the next second she might love me. I have to keep an even keel and assume attraction.
  3. I tend to leave the club too early. Often this is because I run out of sets which is understandable. However, we must go back to rule one. I need to push every single set to the breaking point.
  4. I’m just not that type of girl, I don’t sleep with guys I don’t know well..

    This one is big, it’s been tripping me up a lot. Girls saying things like I used to be that kind of girl but now I’m better. Or, If you had met me three months ago we would have slept together, but not now. I’m a better person. Experience has taught me that this is all bullshit and it’s the final shit test before getting laid. To win these I have ignore the words and use charm to diffuse the situation .It’s funny how wording works. When a girl says something like there’s no way we’re sleeping together tonight, I blow past that with ease. But when she says I’m not that type of girl anymore, it trips me up. I obviously have some things to figure out.

  5. I’m not seeding the pull and pushing hard for us to leave together. I’m letting things drift, waiting for the girl to lead, waiting for the perfect moment, etc. And I’m not pulling because of it. I have to push harder for the pull. Be the man, deal with objections, lead and make shit happens.
  6. I need to be getting numbers from girls that I meet for five or ten minutes. Not for dates but to meet up with them again an hour later in the night. Their buying temperature will be higher, they’ll be ready for the pull, it will be on. But I have to grab that number and make a plan to meet up for a drink.
  7. I need to be trying for the kiss multiple times, realizing that sometimes it may take as many as half a dozen times before I get it. If it still doesn’t happen after that, it’s time to move on.

Applying the 80/20 Rule to Game

In my experience, the most difficult, high pressure and intense sets bring 80% of results. Those sets where it’s a gorgeous girl with two friends and two guys. It’s three girls, you’re talking to the one in the middle and the two friends are suggesting you go back into the steaming pile of shit from whence you’ve risen (happened last week). It’s everyone staring at you and you’re focused on the girl and trying to keep your cool.

While I claim that these sets produce 80% of the results, I don’t mean that you pull the high-pressure-girl. Instead, surviving these sets reduces your social inhibitions, frees you from fears and destifles you. Most likely you can be cool and chill around a cave troll who you don’t care about. So it’s not that you don’t know how to express yourself well, it’s that you get nervous around more attractive women and demanding social situations. Doing tough sets decreases your anxiety and let’s you express yourself more fully.

Beginnings and Beyond

If you’re like me, when you start most sets are tough. It takes lots of willpower to approach. Then do it again, again, again, again, again, etc. As you go out more things change. What was once difficult is now easy. That’s when you have to start seeking out the most difficult sets. I’m not just preaching this, I practice it. Whenever possible I approach the cutest girl, regardless of who is around her. I make a conscious effort to open girls in large groups. I deliberately force myself to stay in extremely awkward situations in order to become comfortable with social pressure.

I do these things because I notice that they’re a turbo-boost on progress. These sets don’t happen every night, sometimes I just have a regular night with nothing exceptional. But when shit gets weird, there is intense pressure, I feel uncomfortable and awkward, that’s when I know I’m in a growth zone.

Redefining How I Think About Game

I write a similar post every month. The reason I keep writing it is that I’m getting new experience at the club and I’m refining my thinking. I’m reaching new levels of understanding when it comes to running the ideal reaction. The traditional idea of pickup is the guy, you, chasing the girl. You’re trying to win her over and get her to come home with you. This obviously works and it can work well. However, there’s a higher level. It goes something like this.

At the club I put my personality out there and act in accordance with my own ideal. When I approach a girl I’m not trying to calibrate to her. I’m not actively doing anything in order to sleep with her. Instead, I’m expressing myself naturally. Maybe she will like me and become attracted. Maybe we’ll sleep with each other. That’s cool. Maybe she won’t like me, maybe she’ll want me to go away. That’s also cool. In both situations my behavior is not changing. I’m just there, bringing good vibes and having fun. If the girl wants to join my party that’s awesome! But I’m not going to chase her or compromise myself to be with her.

A word of caution though. It’s possible to take this too far and forget about the ultimate goal of closing the girl. It’s easy to get involved in the moment and forget to lead or to seed the pull or check for logistics. So I might have an awesome 45 minute interaction then she has to leave or her friend pulls her away and I just lost all that effort because I didn’t set up the pull. As a guy it’s my job to lead and make the logistical situation happen.


At this point I can’t seem to live up to this ideal with the more attractive women. I can’t bring that fun, party vibe of pure expression. 95% of what I do around them is trying. It gets weird too. I know I’m trying so I’ll try to not try, which is a form of trying. For example, pickup doctrine states that you shouldn’t try to impress a woman with your words. So I’ll go up and talk about my favorite color or beer or whatever the fuck it is, but I’m still trying to not try. It doesn’t feel good and I know it. I can’t try myself into a natural, fun mindset around cute girls. It seems that it’s something that will only happen with time and more experience.


I’m really not giving pickup my all right now. I’m not pushing it as hard as I was six months ago. This speaks to a focus on other things and also my innate personality. I’m a binary guy, zero or one. I don’t do well in the grey area. I’d rather be going out five or six nights a week and pushing it hard, or not going out at all and totally focusing on business, health, reading and German. That being said I’m going to keep going out three nights a week because I have to have some social interactions in my life. However, I recognize that it’s not ideal for me.

Getting Good at Pickup: Perspective from Two Advanced Guys

Hey gents, I’ve got some wisdom to share. First we have the perspective of Distant Light, who is the person I aspire to be. I may have posted this before, not sure, either way it’s valuable. The second post is from a cool guy who I messaged on the RSD forum. I read some of his posts, knew he was legit and decided to reach out. He will go unnamed, however, he’s been going out for 4 years and has reached a high level. Enjoy!

Question: what did you do to get good at pickup?

Distant Light

– Lack of fear & ego
– Good Intentions, this naturally came due to experiences others were having as a result of my presence
– Affinity for adventure, risk-taking, thrills, spontaneity…I loved being on the fringe of the unknown as that is where people should be exploring.
– Realist…I make the experiences & proof in the pudding do the talking, so rather than a scientist more of a data collector who then pieces together whatever was accumulated
– Challenge Myself…Only thing I care about is personal growth, everything else is a platform…When we die that is all we take with us, not materials
– NPMR Experiences have made me more aware of the illusions of life, where nothing is taken as seriously as the average. (Exception being monogamous relationship, I have gone mental because of it)
– I lived like I did because of the memorable experiences I had…Nothing compares to that time frame. Prague last year is the closest thing to it minus fact didn’t go on a fuckfest like I would’ve done…However, that’s just complimentary to overall memorable experiences.
– Non-Judgmental…I understand everyone is on their own path and have their own affinities…I love internal peace, adventure, pushing the edge and exploring


Yeah, apart from getting out the house (and patting yourself on the back for it, HUGE thing that seems insignificant) I’d put my success down to these things:

Positive reframing
Trying my best in each set that I really wanted
and then learning as much as I can from each set… (what did I learn here etc..)
In the tough times, Believing you’re about to blast through the plateau
imagining the next chick you meet is gonna be the next amazing chick in your life…keeps you at you’re best (on your toes) at all times
Working out
Holistic growth
Keeping it real with the girls, not being gimicky, or being a “player” just cos you think that’s what is cool,….

Thanks for messaging 🙂

Game Without Chasing, Trying or Expectations is Mind Blowing

I’m onto something really fucking awesome right now. The idea of game without chasing, trying, or any other bullshit. I’m obviously not the first person to get here, tons of guys have talked about it in their unique way and left clues about what it’s like and how to reach it. Logically I understood it but I never really knew it or lived it. That’s changing.

I’m really only in the beginning stages of this, but it’s working out something like this. I’m going up to the girl and I’m just being me, being cool and assuming that at some point the interaction will lead to sex. Even if there is zero visible indications, even if she’s throwing massive shit in my face, it doesn’t matter. Because of this strong belief I’m free to drop all of the pickup bullshit that I’ve been so obsessed with for the last year. I don’t have to physically molest her, or go for the makeout within 6 minutes, or lead at all times. Those things will naturally happen when the moment is right, but I don’t have to proactively force them so much. Same thing with my tonality and eye contact, I can trust that they’ll be on.

Here’s another fascinating side effect. There’s a lot of talk in the community about screening the girl and judging her personality (not just her looks). However, for most guys (me for a long, long time) is that you can’t really do it when you’re chasing the girl and expending effort to win her over. When you’re doing this it’s like your driving 100mph down the interstate and still trying to appreciate the landscape, it just doesn’t work. However, let’s flip this around. Now with the idea of “non-chasing” game, screening happens naturally. I might spend 40, 50, 60, 90, whatever minutes with this girl and there might be no makeouts, no blowjobs in the bathroom, no fingering her, etc. I’m just talking to her that entire time and so she damn well better be interesting. And if she’s not interesting I’m going to leave and find someone else. But this is no longer a pickup trick or tactic, it’s simply that I don’t want to spend 90 minutes talking to a girl who is totally boring. There are lots of chicks out there, I can find another one who is more intriguing.

Man, I’m really just starting to figure this stuff out. It’s so fucking exciting though! One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed is that I’m super fucking excited to go out and practice this. Basically since I’ve started pickup (May 2016) I’ve had to force myself to go out most of the time. I always enjoy it once I get to the club, but come 10:30 I was usually shoving myself in the fucking ribs to get my ass out there. But coming from this new frame of no expectation, no chasing, just going up and being myself, it’s glorious!

Some Thoughts on Avoiding LMR

Last Minute Resistance is rarely a problem for me. In fact I can only remember one time (this night in Biergarten) in the last year where I got real LMR and we didn’t have sex. So I thought I’d share a few thoughts for the benefit of all.

*If I invite a girl back to my place, 97% of the time there is already an established sexual vibe. I hardly ever / never use “tricks” to get a girl back to my place. For instance I think some guys get girls over under false pretenses and then feel angry when she doesn’t want to have sex. If you’re with a girl and the conversation is light and there’s no sexual chemistry, maybe she will come back to your place for a drink but she probably isn’t thinking “we’re going to have sex.” Of course once she’s back then it’s easier to switch it to a sexual vibe. However, the whole situation is not as cut and dry as when the sexual vibe is established at the bar.

*I’m cognizant of how the girl is feeling once she gets to my place. More often than not she’s ready to hook up immediately. Other girls are more reserved. For instance, the girl I pulled last Friday. We got back to my room and I closed the door. I put my hands on her shoulders, looked into her eyes and moved in for the kiss. She just stood there looking uncertain, she didn’t reciprocate. Warning signs! She wasn’t feeling comfortable.

I backed the hell off, asked her if she wanted wine, opened up my laptop and put on Spotify. We sat there talking about music in a platonic manner, we weren’t even holding hands. After 15 minutes I went to the bathroom, came back and sat down close to her. Looked in her eyes, went for the kiss and three minutes later we were fucking. If I had tried to hook up with her immediately I think there would have been massive LMR. However, because I recognized how she was feeling and gave her space, I let her feel comfortable to the point where sex was no big deal.

*Recognize that once in a while a girl may not let you take her pants off because she has her period. If a girl stops me from taking off her pants (or underwear) two or three times, but is otherwise into it, I’ll ask if she’s on her period.

*Even though I’m writing an article about LMR it’s not a concept that is part of my daily life. I would never say to a friend,

Yeah, I got a lot of LMR and then we hooked up!”

Hell no. Some girls will occasionally make sex harder and make you take your time. That doesn’t mean you have to make a big deal out of it. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. If you reach a point where she absolutely won’t let you take any more steps forward then I usually just stop. This happened with a French girl I pulled a few months ago. Simply would not let me take her pants off. Eventually I got fed up with it, completely backed off and ignored her. Went to the bathroom and when I came back she was waiting for me in her underwear. We hooked up moments later. If I had kept mindlessly pushing forward she probably would have left. But I let her know that I wasn’t going to play her stupid game, withdrew all attention and that was all it took.


*Be hyper aware of how the girl is feeling, calibrate accordingly
*Establish the sexual vibe at the bar
*Once in a while LMR may really just be a sign she’s on her period
*If you reach a point where you cannot go any further, stop and totally back off. Take away the validation and see what happens

What is My Criteria for Success in Pickup?

I was watching a brilliant video by the marvelous Jordan Peters and he brought up an interesting idea, what is your criteria for success? I immediately thought about pickup. I’ve thought about my criteria before but I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten to the root of it. I’ll attempt to do that now.

My criteria for success is to be able to go to a new place and sleep with several attractive women in a week. Further, it’s the ability to attract a stunning woman, feel confident with and have the option to date her. I want to be such an outstanding person that she’s chasing me instead of the other way around. I mention feeling confident with her because it’s conceivable that you end up in a situation where you’re sleeping with an attractive woman that you don’t feel you deserve. I wrote an entire post about my experience with this.

What success is not to me is sleeping with the most women (talked about this here). If I sleep with 150 women before finding one that I want to spend my life with, I will consider that no different than if it happens at a laycount of 100 or 200.

Why I Got Into Pickup

I got into pickup because I never got laid in high school. Not only was I incapable of procreation, I had massive insecurities around it. Having to lie about being a virgin at 20 sucks hard, I swore I would not 21 without hooking up with a girl. So I took a bootcamp, did a 30 day challenge, went back to college and met a super chill guy who helped me to get laid with Nataly.

Despite being with close to two dozen women at this point, I’ve still been carrying that insecurity around with me. It’s been a powerful motivating force and without it I may never have gotten into pickup, which has done so much to improve my life. However, I believe that at some point one needs to drop the insecurity and find motivation in other places. If I’m still insecure even after I’ve slept with more girls than all of my high school buddies combined, that seems sort of stupid. Also, who cares? It’s not like anybody I went to high school reads my blog or even knows what I’m doing. I haven’t talked to most of those guys in half a decade.

At any rate, I don’t see myself doing pickup for life. Ultimately I see it as a means to an end which is to find a stunning girlfriend and perhaps wife or baby mama who I live with. My criteria for success is that when I choose that woman she’s beautiful, intelligent, enjoys the same things as me. Until then, I’ll continue screwing girls in the bathroom of Le Bain.

Antics in Game and Preparing for Success

This is going to be the random post with orphaned topics that don’t belong anywhere else. Don’t judge them just because they’re bastards though, I think there’s some gold hidden in the muck.

Club Equipment

If you do nightgame with any kind of frequency then grab some earplugs! I have two varieties. For the skull-fuck-loud clubs I wear these cheeky numbers which work brilliant and they’re disposable so you don’t have to worry losing them. For the bar or lounge I wear these. They’re a bit pricey but they work well and they’re discreet. After speaking to thousands of women only 2 have ever noticed my ear protection.


I used to go to the NYC health clinics and bring a shovel to ladle free condoms into my backpack. I’m more classy now and I choose to pay for my baby protection. However, an amateur mistake is buying condoms at a drug store like CVS. When you step up to the counter they give you free lube because they fuck you so hard with the price. Instead of leaving with a sore bum, go to eBay. I just picked up 18 Trojan Magnums for $11 and free shipping.

Also, for the love of god always carry condoms with you. You never, ever fucking know what’s going to happen. Girls love sex, they crave it just as much as guys (maybe even more) and you should always be prepared to get your dick wet.

Talking Dirty with Girls For the Fuck of It

Few nights ago I was drinking with my sister’s friend and we started talking about sex. She told me that sometimes it sucks being a girl because she’ll see a guy and really want him to approach but she doesn’t have any control over it. Or, as she said,

Of course I could go talk to him, but it just doesn’t work like that does it?”

Nope” I replied. “No matter what feminism or the 21st century says, it really is the guy’s place to take action.”

We also talked about guys only wanting sex once then bouncing, or guys being selfish lovers. Then she threw out that she dated a girl for half a year but even then her girlfriend wasn’t great at eating her out which was surprising and disappointing. It was a fucking awesome conversation and it happened because it was so obvious I wasn’t judging and it was all just fun. If you can show a girl that you’re a cool, no-judgement guy she will open up and you’ll learn things that will change how you view women.

No Motive Conversation

In the last 48 hours I talked to a girl at a coffee shop, a girl on the train, a girl in the bagel shop, a girl at the truck stop and a girl at the bus stop. I also walked up to a girl on the sidewalk in an affluent neighborhood and said,

“Do you know how much of the rain forest is cut down each day and how much a single dollar can help?”

Self-amusement at its finest. All these “approaches” were so fucking easy because I had no damn agenda! I was bored, talking to women is way more fun than not talking to women, so there you go. While I had no agenda for these girls, in the future I’ll start going in harder and I will start getting laid from daygame.

Game is About More Than Just the Numbers

I’m friends with some PUAs on Facebook and recently there was a post about a guy who has slept with 680 women. That’s impressive and the guy has obviously worked his ass off to get that far, but seriously? I don’t take that as the ultimate sign that he’s worthy of my admiration. I would have way more respect for a post like this,

Hey I’m whatevermynameis, I’ve slept with something like 140 or 150 girls, I don’t really know how many because I stopped counting. Besides game I love to surf. Living in Hawaii is fucking expensive though so I took a year off game to build an online business and now I live on the beach and surf all day. I hookup with plenty of girls but if I find a really fucking cool one I’ll date her and use my extra time to read some books and work on my business.

Which would you choose?

Now that’s the fucking dude I want to meet! Mr. 680 could obviously help me a lot with my game but he’s not someone who I would model my life after. He reminds me of the difference between a bodybuilder who develops a strong healthy frame versus one who goes off the fucking deep end. If you look at this photo, which body would you rather have? For me that question is super fucking easy, I’d way rather look like Mario Tomic (guy on the right) than Mr. Steroids. Hell, Brad Pitt in Fight Club looks really fucking cool and he’s hardly jacked at all, he just ate rice and ran on a treadmill every day until he had a six pack.


I’m looking forward to the day when I cannot say conclusively how many girls I’ve slept with. Right now I’m on the cusp of forgetting and it feels really fucking good. A few more crazy experiences and the line will get even hazier. Brad Branson (Wade Alters now), who I have nothing but respect for, said that he quit counting around 25 women. I’m in that same ballpark. When you stop counting and just roll with it you’re showing that you enjoy the entire experience for what it is, and you would be loving life even if you fucked a supermodel and you couldn’t tell about it.

Anyways, these are just my thoughts on it. I think that no matter how good I get at pickup I will never, ever sleep with 680 women. If nothing else it’s a tremendous investment of time. I would rather have a balanced life where I study German, read books, travel and hang out with my friends and family. Shooting in the dark but I’ll probably sleep with something like 200 to 300 women in my life and that seems like a good number. Of course, by the time I even get close to that, I will have stopped counting long ago.

PS – My friend Calum Tingham also wrote a good article that talks about some of the same things from the point of view of someone who has slept with many more women than me.

Toning Down the Polarity & Staying in Set for the Win

A few nights ago I spent an hour thinking about my game and what I could do differently to increase my results. At some point I came to an interesting conclusion, my style of bold polarizing game may be hurting me more than it’s helping me. I think a great example comes from Wednesday, when I opened a girl by saying all this bullshit about Russian mailorder brides. Initially, when I opened she was receptive and liked me. I had a shot of making it work, then I started saying ridiculous shit and she left. This is just one example, if I tried hard I’m sure I could find others.

What got me thinking about this is analyzing all of the girls I’ve slept with in the last year. When I really looked at these interactions, I can only see one girl who slept with me when I was being deliberately obnoxious and saying crazy shit. She ate it up and I pulled in twenty minutes (didn’t sleep with her that night, slept with her the next week). Apart from that, for the most part I’m having normal conversations and then leading towards sex. When I look at the 3 cutest girls I’ve pulled, I notice that in all cases we had a good connection and I was acting like a normal dude, not a crazy pickup guy.

So why do I consistently say crazy things? Two big reasons, dogma and reactions. There are loads of pickup videos showing guys saying crazy shit and girls loving it. In a way it seems like a badge of honor to walk up to girls and have the nerve to speak in a way that most guys would never imagine. It’s fun and touching upon the second point, it can get some good reactions. Sometimes girls love it, sometimes they laugh, sometimes they tell you to fuck off. However, when I look at the patterns, I see that although they may giggle and even get doe eyed, that rarely seems to translate into blowjobs and condoms. I suspect this is why I haven’t detected this for so long. You can get lots of short term rewards with polarizing statements which tricks your brain into thinking they’re good, but you fail to see that they don’t usually lead to the bedroom.

Is it a Waste?

Coming to this conclusion that I need to be less polarizing draws out the question: have the last six months, of telling girls to get the fuck out of the club and that I’m going to marry them then divorce them and take half their shit, been in vain? If I could be getting more results by not being such a blowtard, have I just wasted six months of my life? I don’t believe so, here’s why.

By practicing these things I’ve become comfortable saying them. In other words, I’m less stifled than I was. I don’t think oh Jesus, how will she react if I say this? I know how she’ll react. She’ll either laugh and get closer, or walk away. Because I’m not scared to go there, that translates into increased confidence and the girl can tell you can be crazy, even if you choose not to do it. Just like a guy who is great at game can deliberately draw out silences and the girl knows that he can come up with a million things to say if he wants, he’s just choosing not to.

How I Look at Game

With a reduction in polarity comes a new way of conceiving of my night. This: I want to leave the bar with the girl. That can mean winning over the friends, being less polarizing, and even being less sexual. In some circumstances, maybe even more often than not, it might mean backing off almost completely and being the cool friend. Then we leave the bar, we end up at one of our places for “a quick drink” and then we hook up. I have pulled multiple girls to my bedroom without ever kissing them first, and I think that’s important to keep in mind.

Of course, doing this well requires calibration. There are times when pushing hard for the makeout is the best possible move, and times when playing it low key and indirect is best. How to know what’s best? Practice and failure. But more specifically than that, buying temperature. If I get into an interaction with a girl and she’s amped up, had a few drinks and doesn’t seem concerned about social pressure from the friends, then going for the makeout is probably best. But if she’s more logical then just having a normal conversation and being a cool guy is best.

Summed Up – Tl;Dr

The goal is not to have flashy game and be nuts. The goal is to do whatever it takes to remain with that for as long as possible, so that when she’s ready to leave the bar you leave together. Use whatever tools are necessary to make this happen and realize that being extremely polarizing or overly sexual may often hurt you.

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