A few nights ago I spent an hour thinking about my game and what I could do differently to increase my results. At some point I came to an interesting conclusion, my style of bold polarizing game may be hurting me more than it’s helping me. I think a great example comes from Wednesday, when I opened a girl by saying all this bullshit about Russian mailorder brides. Initially, when I opened she was receptive and liked me. I had a shot of making it work, then I started saying ridiculous shit and she left. This is just one example, if I tried hard I’m sure I could find others.
What got me thinking about this is analyzing all of the girls I’ve slept with in the last year. When I really looked at these interactions, I can only see one girl who slept with me when I was being deliberately obnoxious and saying crazy shit. She ate it up and I pulled in twenty minutes (didn’t sleep with her that night, slept with her the next week). Apart from that, for the most part I’m having normal conversations and then leading towards sex. When I look at the 3 cutest girls I’ve pulled, I notice that in all cases we had a good connection and I was acting like a normal dude, not a crazy pickup guy.
So why do I consistently say crazy things? Two big reasons, dogma and reactions. There are loads of pickup videos showing guys saying crazy shit and girls loving it. In a way it seems like a badge of honor to walk up to girls and have the nerve to speak in a way that most guys would never imagine. It’s fun and touching upon the second point, it can get some good reactions. Sometimes girls love it, sometimes they laugh, sometimes they tell you to fuck off. However, when I look at the patterns, I see that although they may giggle and even get doe eyed, that rarely seems to translate into blowjobs and condoms. I suspect this is why I haven’t detected this for so long. You can get lots of short term rewards with polarizing statements which tricks your brain into thinking they’re good, but you fail to see that they don’t usually lead to the bedroom.
Is it a Waste?
Coming to this conclusion that I need to be less polarizing draws out the question: have the last six months, of telling girls to get the fuck out of the club and that I’m going to marry them then divorce them and take half their shit, been in vain? If I could be getting more results by not being such a blowtard, have I just wasted six months of my life? I don’t believe so, here’s why.
By practicing these things I’ve become comfortable saying them. In other words, I’m less stifled than I was. I don’t think oh Jesus, how will she react if I say this? I know how she’ll react. She’ll either laugh and get closer, or walk away. Because I’m not scared to go there, that translates into increased confidence and the girl can tell you can be crazy, even if you choose not to do it. Just like a guy who is great at game can deliberately draw out silences and the girl knows that he can come up with a million things to say if he wants, he’s just choosing not to.
How I Look at Game
With a reduction in polarity comes a new way of conceiving of my night. This: I want to leave the bar with the girl. That can mean winning over the friends, being less polarizing, and even being less sexual. In some circumstances, maybe even more often than not, it might mean backing off almost completely and being the cool friend. Then we leave the bar, we end up at one of our places for “a quick drink” and then we hook up. I have pulled multiple girls to my bedroom without ever kissing them first, and I think that’s important to keep in mind.
Of course, doing this well requires calibration. There are times when pushing hard for the makeout is the best possible move, and times when playing it low key and indirect is best. How to know what’s best? Practice and failure. But more specifically than that, buying temperature. If I get into an interaction with a girl and she’s amped up, had a few drinks and doesn’t seem concerned about social pressure from the friends, then going for the makeout is probably best. But if she’s more logical then just having a normal conversation and being a cool guy is best.
Summed Up – Tl;Dr
The goal is not to have flashy game and be nuts. The goal is to do whatever it takes to remain with that for as long as possible, so that when she’s ready to leave the bar you leave together. Use whatever tools are necessary to make this happen and realize that being extremely polarizing or overly sexual may often hurt you.