I’d like to preface this post by saying that I go out 5 nights a week and apply these concepts. This idea has already been talked about a lot, but this is my own take on it. All of the sections have to do placing more emphasis on results than actions, although they all come at it from a different angle. Let’s have a look..
1. Master PUA Envy
I spent my first seven or eight months in game obsessing over my progress to a neurotic degree. I would obsessively seek out information that would let me compare myself to guys who got good at game.
“Oh shit, this guy says that within 9 months he had already exceeded his original goals in game! Fuck me. I’m 9 months in and I haven’t met my goals yet. I wonder what his goals were. Oh well. Thank god I read that field report where another insanely good guy says he didn’t pull his first two years in game. That makes me feel better.. But I just heard this chap say that by a year in game he already had a couple of girlfriends. I’m approaching a year in game and I don’t have any girlfriends yet, should I be worried?”
I drove myself crazy with this shit and ultimately it all came down to this: I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to learn game. That’s it. I was looking for people to compare myself to because of my own insecurities about growth. I did this for 9 months before I one action changed my attitude. I pulled a very attractive girl who I connected with on a deep level.
That pull happened because of how much better I’ve gotten at game since starting, and I was struck with the idea that I don’t need to compare myself to anyone else. I can look back and see that I get better at game literally every single week. I can see myself consistently pushing my comfort zone and breaking into new territory. I’m getting good at this at my own speed, no need to compare myself to others.
2. Feeling Anxious All Day Long Before the Club
For many months I would feel anxious during the daytime when I thought about going to the club. The first six months or so this kind of made sense. I was scared of approaching and so game was an anxiety-producing hobby. However, after about six months of going out I wasn’t that scared anymore. And yet the anxiety persisted. It took me a long time to figure out why.
The problem was no longer feeling anxious about approaching, it was feeling anxious about what results I would get.. Would I pull? Would I get a makeout? Would I have a shitty night and get a bunch of rejections? I spent all day worrying about how well I would do. Once I realized this was causing anxiety I was able to make a simple shift.
I got rid of this thinking:
I have to go out and get results. If I don’t get results I fucking suck.
I replaced it with this: Every night I go out and my only goal is to learn one single lesson.
That’s so fucking easy. You can learn one lesson in thirty seconds, then the rest of the night is pure gravy. This doesn’t mean that I leave the club once I learn a lesson, far from it. This attitude isn’t really about the club though, it’s about how I think about game during the daytime. It’s basically Xanax to my over-calculating brain because it takes the pressure off of me to achieve a certain result. This ties directly into the next point.
3. Putting the Focus on My Actions, NOT My Results
In this regard game is similar to poker. A poker player may do everything right and lose. Or everything wrong and win. However, in the long term a man who wins at poker is one who consistently takes the correct action. That’s how I’m starting to look at my nights. I simply cannot control the outcome. I can go into the club in a fantastic state, open everything in sight, and do my absolute best fucking game and still not pull. Or I can go out in so-so state, open one set, make a bunch of “mistakes” and still pull. Game is funny like that, which is why focusing on results is a recipe for insanity.
Fuck that. Instead of focusing on results, I can focus on these results producing actions..
-Good eye contact
-Approach everything, especially the “difficult” sets
-Go for the makeout
-Seed the pull
Unlike the outcome (pulling / getting a makeout) I have control over these. I can give myself a big pat on the back if I go out and do all of these things, even if I don’t pull. The implications are huge, which lead directly to the next point.
4. Achieving Self Driven State
I wrote a field report about last Saturday and I blatantly fucking lied. I had approached a very attractive woman and talked to her for ten minutes. At the end I asked for her Facebook, she told me to take her number instead and then she texted herself from my phone. I wrote in my field report that “It felt good.”
Truthfully, I felt nothing. Barely a blip on the radar. You know what felt really fucking good though? The moment I saw this beautiful girl, who was much cuter than I’m used to, and I decided to approach her anyways. My action (approaching) caused me to feel really good, not the result (which happened to be good, but could have just as easily been “bad”).
It’s only recently that I’ve begun to appreciate the potential here. By choosing to derive state from my own actions, I take control of my life. I don’t need validation from a girl, it doesn’t fucking matter. I feel good because I went approached and went for the makeout. Whether I get the makeout or not is irrelevant in terms of how I feel about myself. Of course this mental shift doesn’t happen overnight. However, I expect that within six months or a year I’ll be a radically different person. Big things on the horizon..