For a very casual night I learned a lot. I got to to the club at 10:50 then chilled and read some Stoic philosophy on their couch in the lobby. Last Thursday it was good when we got there at 11:20, so I went up again at the same time. It was as alive as my dreams of becoming a professional poker player (after six months of playing online everyday and reading half a dozen books I was worse than when I started). So I sat down and waited. At midnight the promoters showed up and by 12:30 it was OK. I left my chair to take a look.
I ended up talking to a promoter who I vaguely knew from a few other nights out. He talked to me about promoting for ten minutes then I grabbed his number. I now have two solid promoter connections. I left him, opened another girl who immediately blew me off, then I went home. The next three days are going to be hardcore, psyched for them already.
*Even though I’ve gone out very consistently over the last months and have no plans to change that, I often feel like I’m forcing myself to go out. That sucks, here’s why. If you play video games do you spend most of the day worrying about how you’re going to play a game and feeling anxious about how you’ll go home and have to play later? Fuck no! The whole day you’re thinking I can’t wait for tonight when I get to play! So why the fuck am I not thinking that way towards going out? Let’s look at this logically. When I go out I:
-Make out with girls
-Talk to cool girls
-Get laid with cool girls
-Get blowjobs in the bathroom
-Chat with my cool guy friends
-Chat with the cool people who work at the venue
-Listen to cool music
So why the fuck do I feel anxious most of the day thinking about pickup? It’s logically retarded. That’s why I’m always looking for new beliefs to help me. I think I’ve stumbled upon a good one here: My goal, when I go out, is to learn a single fucking lesson. That’s it. My goal is not to pull, to get a makeout, or to burn the venue down. It’s just to learn a single lesson. That takes the pressure off of me and makes thinking about pickup all day long so much easier because I always fucking know that no matter what, I can learn one lesson. That’s so easy. And then once I actually get to the venue I end up in the moment, no anxiety, and I can go on to push comfort zones and burn shit down and get laid. That’s cool, but I don’t have to stress the whole day.
This also relates to embracing the action and not the results. I’ve mentioned this before: when I study German I focus 80% on the action and only 20% on the results. I just do my little routine, every day for half an hour or an hour, and I have faith that I’ll get better. I don’t look for results, I know they’ll come when they come. This is such a low stress way to learn a complex skill and it’s so damn enjoyable! So why the fuck is it that with pickup I feel like there is so much more on the line? Why do I put 80% of my focus on the results and only 20% on the actions I take? Some potential answers include ego or a fear that if I don’t focus on results I’ll never get better. Interesting.. I could easily write a thousand word post solely on this subject. And I probably will.. It’s fascinating and figuring out this thorny bitch will help me a lot and will probably help others too. Suffice to say, for now I’m putting the focus on the action, and saying fuck the results. They’ll come when they come, don’t worry about them.
*The blonde girl I talked to wanted to makeout. I could just see that but I couldn’t quite get it. I couldn’t figure out why but then it hit me later on. Her friend was right there watching us. I tend to not think about friend pressure because as a guy our buddies think it’s cool if we’re making out, so it’s not natural for me to understand slut shaming or whatever. But this girl was down to makeout and all I had to do was lead a bit, get her out of direct eyesight of the friend, and she would have been down. Lesson for next time.
*I didn’t stay at the promoters table because I didn’t want it to seem like I was taking his girls. However, this is another area where I have very, very little firsthand experience. I have no idea whether he would view it as that or he wouldn’t give two shits or he would actually be glad a cool guy was helping to keep his chicks entertained. So while my intent was good (I didn’t want to fuck up his shit) I don’t actually know the lay of the land here. Next time I should find out. It may be as simple as just asking.
*It was a fake fucking party last night. The place was fucking dead till the promoters showed up. Even after they filled the place it only gave the illusion of a party. To the trained eye you can see that everyone is only interacting within their own group, there is very little mingling. That changes as the night goes on but not by a significant amount. Thus getting access to a table is important (ironic because I basically had access to a table and didn’t even take advantage).
*My promoter buddy pointed out another promoter table which had some serious bullshit going on. It was maybe six promoters crowded around one table, each with one or two girls. They all split the table and make $50 or $100 each. Fuck that, it looked like a god damn college frat party. No thanks. I understand that as I begin to promote I’ll sub-promote and work with one of my promoter friends to start with. That’s fine, but it will only happen until I can hustle my ass off to get enough girls to have my own table. I have ZERO fucking ambition to be some chump sharing a table with four other chumps who can’t even get more than one girl out. So lame. My ambitions stretch well, well beyond that.