This is a long one, may I suggest some field report reading music? Last night was insane. I went out with the idea of getting reference experience (not seeking a result) and it was a game changer. This simple shift in how I view the night had a profound impact on my game. The idea of reference experience is going to allow me to level up and break through this annoying fucking plateau that I’m on now. Hoorah to that! But let’s get into the evening. Had a brilliant time, and as I was riding home all I was thinking is this: I’m 100% capable of becoming amazing at game, there is nothing holding me back..
Started off at a place that can’t decide whether it’s a bar, a club or a restaurant. The first set I opened went fantastic. I still don’t fully understand why / how this happens, but sometimes I’ll just speak and girls hang onto the words. They love it and are totally into it. When this happens it doesn’t feel like I’m doing anything all that different but the reactions from girls sure as hell shows that I am. That lasted about five minutes and then I left her. In retrospect I should have gotten the number, she was cute. I tend to not get numbers because of high flake rates but I think she would have texted back.
Open another couple sets then we go to another bar. 100% dead, nothing to open. We leave and start walking towards another place. Almost there when my wingman opens four girls walking on the street. He talks to one and I have the good luck of talking to the leader girl of the group.
Me: “Where are you guys headed right now?”
Her: “Not sure, just walking around right now.”
Me: “Let’s go to XYZ club, it’s going to be great right now.”
She agrees and we all start walking. I got curtly denied from this place last Saturday but since we have 4 cute girls it’s 100% we’ll get in. We get there, they let us in and we immediately ditch the four girls, haha purely currency to get into the club. We start opening. I’m extremely proud of how well I did opening everything. Girl comes into my sight-line, she gets opened. She doesn’t like it? Girl three feet away gets opened. At my wingman’s suggestion I stand in one place and hand-of-god open three girls in a row as they walk by.
Something is off though and I can feel it (more to point, I open six sets and they all die within 30 seconds). I take a second to regain my composure. I remind myself I’m not seeking any result at all. I’m simply opening to get the experience to see what will happen. This helps me to come back to what’s important and I end up making out with a fat girl a few minutes later. She’s obviously very into it and I could probably pull her, provided I didn’t have standards… I get her number and then go open a bunch more girls.
Somewhere in the fray one responds very well and we end up making out in less than a minute. Start talking, start dancing, and I notice that her friends leave us alone. That’s a very good sign. We make out some more then I suggest we go grab some water from the bar. We do that, she introduces me to her friends, then we go back to the dance floor. Right at this moment my thinking is this: I need to pull this girl. It’s going very well and I think she can be pulled. But I also vividly remember the girl from last Friday where I went for the pull too soon and immediately ruined the set. What should I do? I decide upon a course of action. I ask:
“Do you know that bar down the street? Let’s go there right now.”
She replies: “Is it good right now?” But then quickly adds: “Actually, I think I’d rather stay here.”
Bam, everything quickly unravels and a few minutes later she leaves. I don’t blame her. She wanted a strong guy to lead and pull her out. I was not that strong guy, I was a weak permission seeker. It came from a place of being aware of ruining the set last Friday by going to soon for the pull, but in this case I needed to fucking do it. Hype up the bar, get her outside, lead, lead, lead! She was down for the pull but I messed it up. That sucks, but I got the reference experience. I’m beginning to develop an eye for when the window to pull is. I’ll fuck it up a bunch more and get it right sometimes, and after six months or a year I’ll be deadly with this..
By now it’s about 1:30 and my wingman has already left. I leave too and get in line for the bar he’s at. End up talking to two girls in line and one is very cool. She runs marathons and works out. We talk, her eyes are getting bigger and bigger, there’s a natural vibe here were we are both attracted to each other. Then things get fucked up. They comment on the annoying bullshit of two guys ahead of us in line, and it’s my friend who is the best guy at opening that I’ve ever met. I yell his name out and we shake hands. He’s OK at best right now but he’s with his drunk cousin who immediately starts molesting my girl. I don’t handle it well. I’m way, way too passive about it. A few minutes later I tell him she’s my girlfriend and he apologizes profusely but by that point I’ve been burned by these two drunken idiots shouting out shit about winging each other and hooking up with girls and other crap. So in this same situation again I would do things very differently. From the very start I would create a physical barrier where I’m between my girl and the guy and then I would say that “We’re dating right now” and then I would ignore the guy and start creating stories with the girl about us dating.
Inside the bar I open, open, open. Start talking to a girl from Long Island and she’s getting massive pupils. She gives me a few shit tests which I laugh off. I think that I’m about to get my third makeout of the night (never made out with three girls in one night before) when I say something that blows the entire set. We’re planning our future together when I say jokingly:
“I’m thinking about being a stay at home dad.”
I had said this same thing earlier in the night and it provoked some cool conversation, but this girl from Long Island is having none of it and immediately leaves. It was almost funny. So the lesson is that some calibration can be helpful. She’s talking about Long Island, how her parents have lots of money, how she works hard. She obviously values ambition and hustle. In this case I should have said I want to be a banker or some shit, Idk. Anything but a stay at home dad. That’s just a manifestation of the larger principle which is that if you can figure out what the girl values you can present yourself in a way that conforms better to those values. You don’t have to lie or change yourself either, you can just focus on different aspects of the same thing. For example, a girl values spontaneity. I talk about how I traveled a lot and being spontaneous was what made it fun. Or a girl values good education. I talk about how I traveled a lot and learned about lots of different cultures and how people live, which is a way more powerful experience than reading about it in a book. Same thing, you just highlight different aspects of it.
After that I open another set or two but I’m toasted. Completely worn out. It’s been three hours of opening non-stop. Really impressive actually that I’ve made this much progress in only 11 months. When I started I could get maybe five minutes of the glorious social mood before it crashed. Now I’ve got three hours. In six months I’ll bet I’ll be crushing the entire night with energy to spare.
*I freaked a girl out by cold reading that she lives in Chelsea. Occasionally an accurate cold read can put a girl on guard, but this one really, really did not take it well. The set basically ended because she accused me of being a stalker and I argued that I wasn’t and once you start doing this you’re falling heavily into her frame and it’s all over. So this can happen.. I still enjoy cold reading though and this is the worst reaction I’ve ever seen from a girl. Total drama queen haha.
*I really needed to lead that girl the fuck out of the club, instead of *asking her permission* to do so. I was trying to feel out the situation and see if the time was right to pull. Well it was, but by being so passive I missed the opportunity. Lesson learned. In the future I’d rather just go for the pull and calibrate after, versus try to suss things out before taking action.
*When your only goal is to get reference experience there can be no *bad* sets. Even if she horribly rejects me I still gain reference and so I win. By focusing on it this way I put myself in a situation where I can’t lose. And as last night shows, it doesn’t mean I slack off. I opened valiantly for three hours, made out with two girls, almost pulled, and had the quick instinct to steer a wandering group of four girls to the club I wanted to visit.
*At some point last night I felt like the dancing monkey. I was jumping around, being energetic and having a grand old time dancing on a table. However, in terms of attracting the girl this failed. My wingman (who doesn’t tend to do these things) was just standing there with his good posture and vibe and drawing all the attention. Girls focused on him versus me. I quickly dropped the dancing monkey act. I’m not saying super-party-vibe won’t work, but I was trying to *use it* and it was inauthentic. I was not totally feeling it and so girls were not into it.
*I really admire how my wingman is able to attract and pull girls even when he’s tired and yawning. I tend to assume that as soon as my energy dips I’m useless and no girl will like me. His actions and results speak otherwise.
*Everything I experienced last night led to the firm conviction that one day I’m going to be very, very good at game. I’m going to consistently pull and I’m going to spend time with very attractive women. I cannot say when this will happen, but I can say with absolute certainty that it will happen.