I’ll kick this report off with the following.. Last night I was talking to a girl who looked an awful lot like Anne Hathaway, so I told her so. She gave me a look of pure disgust, backed away from me and said:
“Fuck you. Do you know anyone who likes being told they look like someone else?”
She was pretty pissed. I worked through it because I’m fucking awesome, but in any normal interaction I’m not going to ever say a girl looks like someone else again. Nothing to gain, plenty to lose. The only time I would use it is if I’m trying to provoke a certain reaction or I plain don’t like a girl.
“You know, you kind of remind me of my best friend’s retarded cousin. She weighs 300lbs and they keep her locked in a basement, for society’s sake.”
I would actually probably never say this because I’m not really a mean person, but it is sort of funny. Kind of like the time when I made fun of my ex-girlfriend for losing her gym bag with all her shoes in it. That went over about as well as a holocaust joke at temple, do not recommend. Anyways…
Went out solo last night to some tiny hipster house music everyone wearing black and drinking Tecates club. I’m into house music so I was digging it, even if there were limited sets. It’s a shame that the clubs that I genuinely enjoy usually have limited girls and the clubs that I consider dog shit have dozens. That’s one reason I liked Berlin so much. Clubs I liked & girls, it was heaven.
So I get inside and open the first girl I see. Nothing, she’s boring. Maybe two other sets in the whole venue but it’s early. I decide to just dance for a while until it fills up. I do this for ten minutes till a girl walks right in front of me and I stop her. When I’m in the club my frame of mind is basically this: every single girl who walks close to me is trying to get my attention. Every single girl who bumps into me wants me to open her. I’m glorious. So I grab this girl and start screening her. She finds my insanity charming and asks what drugs I’m on. I get this a couple of times a week. I suspect that from a girl’s perspective, when a confident, outgoing and funny guy opens her, 90% of the time he’s either had a few drinks or on some drugs. I tell her I’m sober, she doesn’t believe me. I talk about how guys today are not confident and are socially awkward but once in a while there is an exception..
I move her off the dance floor and we end up making out. I’m able to do it because of this vibe I’m holding. I’m not pinging off the girl for a reaction. I’ll say something and then think it’s awesome, I won’t wait to see whether she thinks it’s awesome too. This is crucial and it’s only something I’d say I’ve developed in the last two weeks. Before this, a majority of my interactions were me feeling good when the girl would laugh. That’s a fine place to start, but it’s not optimal. Reaching an advanced level (which I’m striving for, I’m by no means there now) means loving everything I say and not giving a fuck what the girl thinks.
Her friends pull her away. I dance to house music and think about the girls walking past me and how badly they just want me to open them. I don’t. Fuck them, I’m dancing. My girl comes back, I reopen then pull her to the back of the club. Making out, it’s getting hotter, she’s horny. My brain comes up with the following..
“Yeah, I love living in Williamsburg. It’s so fucking cool. We’ve got a pizza place, a bagel place, and a bunch of hipsters. We also have a bodega. The only bodega in New York. I need gum. Let’s go get some gum.”
I kind of condensed a three minute build up into a few sentences but that was the gist of it. Pulling her out of the club to get gum except that as soon as we get out I’m going to “remember” that I have gum in my room and we don’t have to go to the bodega after all. We can go get fresh breath in my room haha. She responds with:
“What if I told you that there’s zero percent chance that I’m leaving with you? I have a bunch of girls from New Jersey sleeping in my apartment tonight and I can’t leave.”
Logical bullshit, bahh. I spend the next ten minutes pushing very hard for the pull. I do everything conceivable to overcome these logistics, including telling her we’ll be right back. No go. This is a logistical problem that cannot be overcome. Eventually I shift gears and start planning a date. One thing that I did really fucking well here is:
A. Figured out right there and then when she’s free (next Friday)
B. Figured out what she wanted to do. I suggested a club, she said no, and instead suggested watching the sunset on the river eating ice cream. I love all these things so I agreed.
This was smart, setting up the date in person. Also asking her what she wants to do makes it way more likely she’ll come out because it’s something she wants to do, not something I suggested. Can’t believe I’ve never really done this before. In most of my future sets, when setting up a date, I’m going to ask what she likes. Obviously there are some occasions when I’m the fucking man, I decide, I make plans. But other times if we can find something we both like a lot that’s pretty cool too.
*My #1 focus last night was holding my frame. Every time I was about to start thinking or doubting myself I would cut it off and instead say:
I’m fucking awesome.
This was big and it allowed me to have a great night. Can’t wait to continue working on this and see what kind of results I’m getting in six months with it.
*In simple situations (no horrible logistics, no vengeful friends trying to fuck things up) I have all the technical knowledge I need to make the pull happen. I can recognize the moment to pull her out of the club, I know where to go, I know how to pull to the pizza place then my home, I know how to handle objections. This all comes fairly natural to me when I’m dealing with:
A. Girls who are not super attractive to me so I don’t really care
B. Attractive girls who are very into me so they’re making it easy
However, where I totally crash and burn is with:
C. Attractive girls who are not making it easy, they’re just being normal
I care too much and I fuck it up in all sorts of ways. With that in mind, I get the feeling that reaching the next level will not require more technical knowledge, it will require giving less fucks and being able to be awesome with more attractive females. To that end I don’t think there’s anything I need to learn or study. I just need to keep going out, keep approaching good looking girls, and continually remind myself to not give a fuck about the outcome.