Last night I put myself into the least favorable circumstances imaginable: solo and sober in an obscenely loud bottle service club that I’ve done poorly in before. I couldn’t make the circumstances worse if I wanted to. I did it because there was a DJ who I wanted to see and fuck it, why not?

I did OK. I opened sets throughout the night and generally had pretty positive results. I talked to six or eight girls, developed a mini crush on a blonde model sitting with a promoter then left. It wasn’t crazy, I did not burn the place down, I left sort of early. So I could definitely be criticized in that regard. But if you look at it in another way, it’s the best I’ve ever done under these conditions in my life. So that’s pretty¬† cool. Let’s look at the notes.


*I do 400% better when I’m with a wingman. What’s that saying, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. A wingman forces me to approach more (not even that he forces me but when he’s there I feel more pressure to do good versus slack). Also, a wingman will open sets that you can join so it’s not always pressure on you to open everything. Then the obvious factor of it being easier to handle two sets. Given that I know this I think I should prioritize going out with a wingman more. I can do it solo and maybe 1/3rd of my nights kick ass when I’m alone, but with a wingman usually 2/3rds of my nights kick ass. Big difference.

*I did a really good job of opening with breaking rapport last night. This idea comes directly from this report where I pointed out that when I’m in state I do all sorts of breaking rapport things and when I’m out of it I tend to ask questions. Ok cool, but there’s no fucking reason I can’t do breaking rapport statements no matter what. All it comes down to is saying something provocative with breaking rapport tonality. So I was very aware of that last night and made it happen. I’m working to make this an unconscious competence so that I do it automatically at all times, no thinking involved.

*The leading.. Maybe I just haven’t been clear enough with myself but I have to start leading every single set that I’m in. No excuses. Every single set, go for the lead. It’s necessary but I’m aware of why I’m having trouble with it. Right now I kind of suck at leading and so often when I go for it the girl says no, the interaction becomes weird, things falter. Where as if I don’t lead I can usually keep a solid interaction going for a while. However, that doesn’t matter. I simply have to trade some short term sucking for some long term awesome. Break a few eggs, fuck up a few hundred sets so that I learn when the exact moment to lead is. Some thoughts include:

  • Leading right off of the open. When this goes well it’s the coolest shit in the world, I love it.
  • Micro-lead in the beginning. Move her a few feet before trying for a larger lead.
  • In every bar have one place in mind that I lead to so that I’m very confident about it and there’s no indecision on my face.
  • Institute a rule: if I stay in a set for more than five minutes without leading I have to lead it or leave it, no matter how well it’s going.
  • Whenever there is an emotional high go for the lead. Actively train my brain to lead when I see an emotional spike.