Last night was unimpressive. I’m digging deep to discover the lessons, they don’t jump out. It goes like this. I get to 13 Step around 11. I’m waiting for a new wingman to show up but before he arrives I see Alex who I met over the weekend. He’s there with his perpetual wingman Zach. We all do some approaches and then my wingman arrives. He’s new to all this and I throw him in a few sets. After an hour we’ve approached 90% of the sets in the venue. All this approaching happened because sets were not sticking. I was persisting and giving it everything but the glue wasn’t present. I’m proud of one set that I approached three times, but by the third time they just brushed me off.
After standing around with our dicks in our hands we decided to go to Pianos. It’s me, wingman, and Alex. Zach had already pulled a three-beer seven. We get there and it’s unusually dead for a Tuesday. There’s only one girl upstairs who I instantly approach. We talk for ten minutes, I think it’s going good until she walks over to a guy she’s with and starts making out with him. So much for that.
We go across the street to No Fun which easily lives up to its name. One set and Alex approaches them. We end up talking for twenty minutes but we didn’t know how to handle it. There were three of us, it would have been better if there were two. One girl was cute, one girl was OK. Alex opened so he had claim on the cute girl but I was the one sitting close to her so it was all a bit of a clusterfuck. In the end Alex tried to isolate the cute one but he failed pretty bad. That ended the night and we dispersed at the Subway station. I took the J into Brooklyn, they took the F to other parts of the city.
For me, frustration arises from feeling like there’s something missing. I feel like I’m trying to play chess without knowing how the pieces move. It’s like I’m wearing glasses that force me to see the world in black and white, and I don’t know how to take them off. I know that I should be doing better, I know that I’m capable of pulling more but it’s just not happening right now. Why? What’s not right? I’m going out, pushing my comfort zone, waiting for something to click. I know there’s not an insurmountable gap separating me from guys who pull like clockwork. I know the bridge can be built, I just don’t know what it’s going to look like yet.
Anyways, the great news is that pickup is way more enjoyable now. I’m having more fun talking to people because the anxiety is gone. For about six months I would worry about going out every night. Sometime around 6pm I would start to feel unpleasantly nervous about the coming night. Illogically nervous but I couldn’t shake it. That’s finally gone away and I’m enjoying my nights more.
*I didn’t lead enough last night. In fact I can’t think of a single set that I tried to move. That’s unacceptable. I know why it happens though. I only have about a 33% success rate with moving girls. Two out of three times when I try the girl says no and I look like an uncalibrated idiot. It’s not fun, especially if the interaction is five minutes deep and we’re starting to understand each other. At that point my first thought is not “How can I do something that has a 66% chance of making everything instantly weird?” That doesn’t matter though, I just have to do it. I need that experience, I need to fail a lot of times so that I can calibrate better and attain a higher success rate.
*Reapproaching is also on my to-do list. It’s one step below leading but it’s very important. Especially so if I’m in a spot where there’s maybe only five or ten sets at the bar. If I approach them all then I don’t get to just sit around and mope, I have to start approaching again. This will give me new reference experience and make me better at what I do.
*There was about 15 minutes last night when I was really, really in state. It felt like having a three beer buzz. It was just a tease though, it was gone so quick. I certainly don’t depend on state to take action, but I can see how spending great deals of time in a state like that would make pickup much easier. Like putting a turbo-charger on an engine.
*I’m beginning to really enjoy the challenge of going out alone, but the three or four time I’ve done this it’s failed because I always see wingman at my favorite venues. Quality problem to have.
*I feel like I’m swimming from a shitty island to an awesome island, but at the moment I’m in between the two, it’s foggy and I can’t see either. This is a confusing time in my life.