Tonight raised more questions than answers. I wish that I had some high level guy standing behind my back so that I would know where I fucked up. While I can only speculate at my mistakes, tonight was fucking awesome on 9 different levels. It’s incredible what accomplished by going out with the intent of having fun, not “doing pickup”. I had a fantastic night out solo, talked to a bunch of girls, and did it all in venues that I haven’t traditionally done great in. Altogether I give myself an A+, two nights in a row of that ranking!
I think the most useful way to break down the night is to go over the notable sets.
Said hello as she was smoking a cancer-encourage outside the bar. I wasn’t really that attracted so it went pretty damn well. She was 31 and Asian, not cute like the Asian girl from last night. We went inside the bar together, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So in the meantime I opened the cutest girl in the bar who was nice, but gave me no positive signals. Cute girls often don’t, and I lack that strong icy pimpstate to power through. It will come in time.
I leave the cute girl, look around the bar and there’s not much else. I’m about to leave when Stella waves at me. I go over and talk some more, she’s wide eyed like a kid about to get a shot. We vibe and I’m just having fun, no goal in mind* (note on this at the end of this report). Her friend shows up, I introduce myself to him. He goes to get a beer, I tell Stella I’d like to meet up and get her number. This would be an easy day two but I think she falls just under my standards bar.
Girl in the Tanktop
First set of the night. My mindset was really good. I don’t give a fuck, I’m here to have fun, I just want to limber up and get into the vibe. I think this girl liked me but she had two or three guy friends around and that blocked the communication. She refused to move anywhere with me. Also, I’ve begun noticing with about 25% of girls, as I close space they back away. Sometimes it’s almost comical because after ten minutes we’re twelve feet from where we started. Something is amiss here.
The obvious thing to say is: you’re making the girl feel uncomfortable, you need to give her room, back off. Got it, but at the same time, if I don’t close space then I’m not making it clear what I’m there for. Closing space is also what sets up the makeout. Also, having been aware of this for a few weeks, I’ve been experimenting. When I notice the girl leaning away I’ll back off and take a step back and wait. What ends up happening is the space never gets closed. What to do? Maybe this is just a sign the girl is not ready to be physical, her buying temperature is extremely low. Possible. Maybe another solution is that I change our positioning so that I’m leaning against a wall and then I start pulling her into me. Need more reference points and experience.
I was on the dance floor about to be overtaken by the atmosphere, when I reminded myself: I’m awesome, I’m here to have fun, fuck feeling any negative emotions. This cut the bullshit off at the core, I began to live in that glorious space of glory that I love, and this girl started dancing with me and putting her arms around me. She wasn’t my type (I hesitate to say unattractive, she would probably be very cute to some guys) and so I just smiled and danced along and made no effort to push it farther. Pure fun, no motive. I loved every second of it, I had a grin the size of Texas on my face. The only reason I bring this up is that it shows that by cutting off negative thoughts and replacing them with the “I’m awesome” frame I was able to exude positive energy and a girl opened me.
Two Turkish Girls
Last bar of the night, the dance floor was dead. About to leave when I saw a girl sitting in a windowsill. I said hi and her face lit up and we started having a conversation. I sat down next to her. Turned out she’s from Turkey which I thought was cool. Her cute friend showed and I end up talking to her, and then the original friend leaves us alone. Cut and dry case of giving us space to be alone. She has makeout eyes but I just can’t make it happen the way it should. Everytime I get within 6 inches of her face she backs away a bit and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes happens that when I’m with the cute girl, my piece of shit brain short-circuits and causes me to act stupid.
I pull this girl to the dance floor, think we’ll make out there. I go for the makeout twice but she keeps pulling away. It’s very frustrating because it’s obvious she likes me, I like her, we should be kissing but there is some piece of me that is not letting it go down like it should. Am I investing too much or trying too hard? Probably, but I’m not really pissed. Despite my foolish brain I still tried for the makeout, still led her to the dance floor, still opened in the first place. All good shit, and I know that in time I’ll have no trouble with these cute girls, I won’t be able to keep them off me 😀
My note from above is this: I’m taking a few steps back from the pickup community and some of its beliefs about what’s correct and incorrect. For example, I feel like a facet of pickup is that you always need to be maximizing every moment, and that by talking to a girl you wouldn’t fuck you’re wasting your time. Fuck that! What I’m really learning is that what matters most is how much fun I’m having that night. If I only talk to girls “who could get it” then I end putting all the focus on that, and I’m way less likely to just have a fun ass night and pull.