Tonight was a joy, like getting your favorite drunk food in the world after ten amazing beers at your friend’s birthday party. Except that I was at the club, I knew nobody, and I was drinking water. After getting steamrolled last night I was really hoping tonight would turn out better. Arriving at the club I was excited to see a great party, the most people on a Wednesday I’ve seen all year! Lots of dudes but plenty of girls too.
Opened a girl and talked for five minutes. It was going great but I ejected. Not really interested in her and horrible, horrible logistics. Upstairs I sat down next to a girl and we chatted for fifteen minutes. She was from Italy but spoke a bit of German. I felt no pressure to “make anything happen” or to push this set to its breaking point. I was 100% cool to just relax, look at the NYC skyline and have a conversation. After fifteen minutes I left, feeling great. I went to the dance floor and opened a very attractive girl who turned out to be Italian too. Friend of the Italian girl upstairs. I came very, very close to making out with her. Half an inch away, we both wanted it. Not sure why I didn’t go for it. The moment passed and it was time to lead, so I said:
“Let’s go to the bar, I need to get more water”
She said fine and I started leading. But we only get several feet before she stopped me, said she wanted to stay with her friends. They have a table and I led her right past it. One of the friends must have grabbed her attention. I had no idea the table was there with her friends otherwise I would have taken a different route. Too bad. She says she’ll see me later, I say OK.
Back on the dance floor I open another attractive woman and we chat. She seems to be into me and so after several minutes I attempt to lead her a few feet away. She won’t do it. She walks away without a goodbye. Hmm.. I make eye contact with another girl and open her, but we only talk for 2 minutes before she dances off. I make several more laps around the club but see few possibilities. I was really hoping to see somebody I knew, any pickup guy I recognized, so we could open some sets. Nobody though, I’m surprised. So I pick up my backpack, fetch myself an Uber and take the ride back to Brooklyn.
Growth vs. Good Vibes
Here’s the thing about the night: I really fucking enjoyed it. I felt very comfortable chatting with women, being myself, almost making out with a tall, skinny, dark haired Italian girl. It was great, nothing “bad” happened the whole night. However, the entire night I was playing not to lose, definitely not playing to win… I cared more about maintaining my good state then I did about taking risks that could potentially lead to a pull or a blown out set (but lesson learned).
It’s understandable. Last night I felt like hell and tonight I wanted to have fun. So I did and I left the club feeling grand. But now I’m back in my room and I have a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. I passed up on (almost) every single opportunity I had to potentially win. I didn’t reapproach and risk a blowout, I didn’t approach mixed sets, I let girls go without complaint or putting up a fight. I decided my mood was more important than learning lessons and potentially pulling.
I did it, it’s done. However, in the future I will not replicate this. I would much rather have a series of blowouts because I tried a bunch of new stuff and learned a bunch of lessons, than have a smooth, good-vibes night because I only did things that I’m already comfortable with. Doing only what you already know might feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t feel so good when you look back on it. It’s not a path to progress, it’s a trail to stagnation. Anyways, I did make an active effort to lead sets. That was good. My two main focuses right now:
- Leading sets.
- Maintaining the: I’m awesome frame no matter what the circumstances.