Yesterday was a brutal four hour session. By brutal I mean that it was fun as hell. The vibe the whole night was solid, things were clicking, I enjoyed it. Instead of going into an overview of the night I want to start by addressing some key points.
1. I’ve had a lot of problems doing well when the party is nuts, the club is packed, the music is deafening. Last night we were at the zoo that is this club but that didn’t stop me from generating some attraction. Girls stopping to talk to me, girls engaging me for more than 17 seconds, girls letting me lead them. It’s not getting a blowjob in the bathroom, but it’s way more than I’ve ever previously gotten in the skull-fuckingly-loud clubs. The key was opening loud as possible, maintaining excellent eye contact, great posture. Fundamentals refined.
2. I came very, very close to a 30 second makeout last night. Cute girl too. I was talking, moving in close, she was into me. I kept talking, moving in for the kiss but at the very last moment, my lips three inches from hers, I stopped talking. Some switch went off, she backed away and the interaction was done. However, I’m almost positive that if I had kept talking all the way till our lips were touching that we would have ended up making out. Big lesson learned there, never stop talking. I’m getting pretty good at this too, I can come up with bullshit out of thin air.
3. This is a very subtle point and I’m going to do my best to describe it. When speaking to women I generally have two modes. The first mode is when the vibe is there, the fear is absent and it’s going great. At moments like these I never worry about running out of things to say and what comes out is gold. In mode two the vibe is different. I’m worried about the conversation and keeping it going. By now I can always come up with something to say, but it’s not grade A material. It’s not authentic, it’s based on fear. For example, last night I was vibing with a girl and for three minutes it was platinum, great stuff. Then a pang of anxiety hit me and I started talking about myself as a backup to having anything better to say. Talking about yourself is great in some situations, but I seem to notice the trend that it’s better to focus mostly on the girl in the first 5 to 20 minutes of the interaction. It’s better if I remain a little bit elusive at first. When I feel the vibe slipping, instead of talking about myself I should ask a question about her or make an observation. Or maybe even just say nothing, keep eye contact and see what happens. Let it get weird. I don’t know, but whatever I do I should focus on keeping the vibe going instead of blowing it out of fear or anxiety.
4. I’ve noticed that I’m getting attraction fairly consistently but without action this is useless. I talked to a girl last night for 20 minutes, she was all about me. Without action nothing happened though. She was cute, she liked me, I liked her, but I’ll never see her again. No action, no result. I need to do a better job of conditioning myself to make shit happen.
5. New idea: provoke an interaction in a girl, don’t react to it, stay solid, she gets attracted. I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks but it really struck me with one set in particular last night. I walked up to a girl and told her she wasn’t from New York, she must be from Seattle. She had a beautiful negative reaction and looked at me like I’m some guy who thinks pot and video games is still cool at age 43. Previously in this situation my reaction might have been that it’s over, I’ve fucked it up. But now I’m thinking I could actually use this to quickly generate attraction. If she throws all that shit at me, I hold my frame without flinching, she may quickly become attracted. In fact I can imagine the day where I’m deliberately trying to seek a negative reaction so that I can stay cool in the face of her harsh words. However, this belief that staying frosty in the face of loads of negativity is purely a hypothesis. I have very little support for it. Time will tell whether I’m on the right track or not.
6. I’m beginning to understand chemistry and how it affects an interaction. Great example last night. I open a girl and it turns out she’s from my home town. She freaks the fuck out and is instantly attracted. She’s a cool girl, attractive, and we talk. But we’re simply on different wavelengths. Even though I think she’s physically cute and she’s excited to meet me, there’s just no click. After seven minutes we stop talking and we’re both relieved. We both wanted it to work I think, but it wasn’t happening. I’m becoming more aware of this interesting dynamic.
7. Going out with someone better than you is the fastest way to learn. I spent all of last night with him and it was great. He sets the bar and I strive to reach it. I think that one night out with him is equal to three nights out by myself or with another wingman at the same level. Even forgetting all of his skills, he just goes harder. We go out at eleven and routinely stay out till four or five. I’m a zombie by the end of these sessions but I learn so much. It’s like a bootcamp.
8. I fucked up a freebie set last night. At the club it was a girl’s birthday. She’s dancing around and opens me. She’s looking for someone and I meet the bill. She’s being physical, it’s on. But then I say something like “You’re birthday is on Sunday? That doesn’t count. Get the hell out of here.” Sadly I ruin sets by saying shit like this all the fucking time. It’s not really mean, it’s not really a flirty neg, it’s just sort of shit. The result it gets me 80% of the time is shit, and yet I continue to do it. I suspect it’s just too much push. What I said isn’t too bad but without any pull back it just falls flat and the girl doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’ve actually written about this exact problem before but I’ve obviously failed to internalize the principle. I need to either quit saying this crap, or I have to quickly balance it out with some pull back in. If I don’t it’s just like throwing a frag-grenade into the chemistry.
9. Same set as above. After five minutes some other guy moves in and steals that girl from me. I do nothing to prevent it. I don’t try to keep her engaged, block out the guy, nothing. It was ugly and I just let it happen. I can’t abide by that! I can’t assume that the guy deserves her anymore than me. I deserve her, fuck him. He can go jack off at home.
Anyways, that’s about all. It was very fun last night, I was especially pleased with the better reactions I got in this difficult club. My question of: how the fuck can you possibly succeed in such an insane atmosphere, has been at least partially answered. Now it’s time to take it to the next level. Let’s make it happen!