I’ve noticed a trend: when I have an awesome night I focus on what I fucked up. Since the night was so awesome, I feel great and I’m totally cool with picking apart my faults. However, on less stellar nights, I focus on the positives. The night didn’t go as planned and I would rather focus on everything I did right, versus beating myself down. Last night was one of those sessions that’s inspiring me to focus on the positives. Going to Freehold is a weekend tradition, but unfortunately I rarely seem to get a lot done there.
Last night started off good. Usually I start off by opening immediately. However, it’s become almost a compulsion at this point, and I don’t want to feel compelled to act any single way. Also, I’m completely confident that I can open after three minutes. Which I do and I have a brief, 30 second chat. Then I get a beer from a gorgeous girl who is also a shitty fucking bartender. I think that she’s one of those girls who will be in for a rude awakening when her looks fade.
Open another set or two and my wingman shows up. We open some sets and eventually land on a good one. However, here’s where a problem develops. Five minutes deep and I want to move the set. But I don’t want to fuckup my wingman’s interaction with his girl, and to be honest I’m a bit nervous that by trying to move them I may ruin the set. I don’t care about that, but I don’t want to ruin it for my wingman as well. This is why I’m becoming more and more interested in going out solo. I’d like to feel like I can do anything and act in whatever way I think is best, without worrying about the effect it has on anyone else. This same problem of me not moving because my wingman is there happens again, five minutes later in a different set. So I think the lesson is really that I need to communicate with my wingman before hand so that we’re on the same page about moving. And apart from that, I should just move sets, fuck the consequences to either one of us. I really feel like one of these two good sets could have gone a lot better if we had moved them.
However, after the two good sets the night starts to go down hill. I end up doing openers that are worthless and get me instant blowouts. But why, why are these openers so ineffective? Last night I was actively trying to figure out the difference between how I was opening when I was feeling good, and how I opened once my night collapsed. The biggest fault that I can point to is that when I feel good, I open with lots of energy and enthusiasm and I stand there expecting a good result. I usually get it. Once I get wacked out I start doing these lame half-assed openers, trying to get the girl’s approval. I need her approval to feel good, but I’m not willing to put in the energy to make sure it goes good. It’s almost like I’m getting beaten down so I start hedging my bets. I don’t go all in because if I get rejected then it really hurts. At least with a half-assed opener I can blame it on that. However, this is the wrong mentality. There was an excellent video that addressed this. The guy talked about looking at pickup in terms of poker, instead of trading. E.g. go all in, don’t try to hedge your bet. In any interaction, he said, you should be putting all of yourself on the line, throw it all out there. As opposed to holding something back and trying to get the result for the least amount of effort. That’s bad game. I know it’s bad game, but once the night goes sour, I start playing like a trader. I have to keep that in mind and work on always playing it like a poker pro.
One thing I did really well last night was pull a girl to me. I see a set about five feet away and I approach. I say hi, grab her hand (while smiling so much) and just pull her backwards, back to my wingmen. I’m saying “hey, meet my friends. Come here, my friends are cool, come here.” She just follows me even though I’ve done nothing but say hey and started to pull her towards me. It’s mad funny, everyone in a five foot radius is looking at us. I suspect most guys have no idea that this type of shit is even possible. They’re scared to even say hi to a girl, let alone grab her and pull her after three seconds. At any rate, she doesn’t end up staying long but I don’t care. The experiment was purely pulling her, I didn’t especially care about the result.
The final thing I’m proud of is that I got out there and fucking did it. Even though it’s Saturday I was considering staying in because I just wasn’t feeling it. But fuck that, I went out and I got more than two hours of reference experience. I had fun talking to my friends, we had some good sets, and hopefully I learned something from the bad ones. I feel good about that. Ten nights in the month so far and I’ve been out pimping it for eight of them. That’s pretty fucking awesome and I can see massive improvements in my game because of it. I’m not aiming to become very good at game, I’m aiming to become bloody-fucking-amazing at it and I’m laying the foundation of that now.