Two and a half hours went quick last night. Hit up a few different bars, talked to a few different women. Longest set was a couple of French girls sitting down. Mine turned out to be an all around impressive human being. She drove a motorcycle through rural Cambodia. That’s hardcore, I’d love to do this but I even have my reservations, it’s not a journey you do lightly. So I was impressed. She told me that she does some modelling and acting to. I could see that, she was 30 and rather beautiful, she must have been really something at 20.
This interaction went well because she contributed. I don’t really like to talk about frames and power in an interaction, it’s sort of creepy. But still, I fell into her frame and instead of dismissing me we kept talking. She was a nice human being. My buddy invited them both to his party this Saturday, we’ll see what happens.
Right now I’m in a really fucking weird place with pickup. I’m having the most fun I’ve ever had. That horrible underlying current of anxiety is 99.3% gone and I’m enjoying every night. I’m even looking forward to getting to the club. Getting stressed out all day long about going out later used to be the worst part of pickup, thank god that’s over with. So things are good but I also feel like I’m fucking completely fucking lost. I’m getting into these long interactions every night and I’m not taking them anyplace. I’m questioning why they’re even taking place if I’m not making anything happen.
Part of the problem is that I have zero logistics, unless a girl is uncontrollably obsessed with me, she’s not going for a 70 minute train ride. So when I go into that interaction I don’t have that clear goal of what I’m trying to do, I.e. get her back to my bedroom. Obviously I can pull to hers but I feel like this gives me less power. It’s harder for me to push hard to go to her place, it doesn’t feel as natural as magnetizing her to mine. It is possible though..
Another problem, I’m not taking risks the way I need to be. I’m going out with a group of cool guys which is fantastic, but it’s caused me to put some limits on what I do. I’d rather play it safe and give the appearance of being competent than take a risk, lead her, go for the pull, and fuck it up. This is especially prevalent in my thinking because my wingman is usually in set with me and if I fuck it up I end it for him to. However… I’m not going to get better if I keep doing the same shit over and over! I must condition myself to take that risk and not worry about looking stupid in front of my wingmen.
Final issue, I’m waiting for perfection before I go for the pull. I’m falling into the trap of thinking that I need to have unbelievable attraction before I can lead her home. Well no, I don’t really. I’ve pulled plenty of times when things were good, not great, and I have to remember that.
The guys I go out with are awesome at maintaining their frames and speaking with confidence throughout an interaction. I’m good initially but I often feel like I lose steam around 10 to 15 minutes. I start to doubt my words and the whole thing goes down hill. Not always, but enough that it’s an obvious sticking point.
In addressing this problem I came to a realization last night. When I hit that wall, say at 10 minutes, I start looking for reasons that she’s no longer interested and I also start questioning myself. My inner dialogue is that was kind of lame, what you said. Do you really believe that? No! Fuck that shit. As soon as I catch myself slipping into that mental loop I can stop it and just remind myself that I’m awesome. Remind myself that girls love, this girl loves me and she wants me to talk to her. Tune my RAS into all the reasons she wants me there. I believe that with conscious effort I can overcome this.
Can’t worry about what wingmen think, must be OK with taking the risk and potentially fucking up. Must not succumb to negative bullshit in set.