Last night I really, really did not want to go out. In my first months of going out that feeling was caused by fear and anxiety. Thankfully that’s gone away but last night was something worse. Apathy. I didn’t care about getting laid, meeting a cool girl, having fun, or doing anything to make myself a better person. All I wanted to do was go home after work (I get out at 10:30) and watch Rick and Morty reruns. God that would be cool. Fuck it, why not! Let me just stop by the club real quick first, just to make sure it still exists..

Usual Wednesday spot, doorman lets me right in. Upstairs I see my friend and she invites me to the table of the guy who’s hosting the party. I could get free drinks all night and have a grand time if that’s what I’m into. But I’m not. Even though sometimes drinking would help me enjoy the night quite a bit more I feel 300% better being sober.

I go to the dance floor and see this very attractive blonde girl dancing by herself. She’s the cutest girl in the club as far as I’m concerned. I go talk to her. She’s Ukrainian, I speak some Russian to her. She smiles and we talk a bit. I don’t push it anywhere though, I just let it fade out. She walks away. I make repeated eye contact with the second cutest girl on the dance floor. I walk up and introduce myself. She’s Brazilian (how hard is it to meet an American chick in NYC?). Again, it goes pretty well but I don’t push it. She dances off to some other spot. A few minutes later I’m standing away from the dance floor when a cute girl walks by. I open her without thinking, it’s like a reflex, like when you’re playing a video game and you blast some motherfucker before you even realize you’ve seen him. This girl is very receptive and nice, an enjoyable human being. We joke a bit then I just stop talking and let her go.

All three girls I’ve opened have been attractive, receptive, and fun. All three of them I’ve put zero effort into and tried nothing. I’m not sure if I need someone to slap my face and tell me to man up, or if I should take a few days off to compose myself. I think taking a few days off would be awesome and that I would come back with a totally different attitude. I would be my normal self who pushes sets to the fucking limit and goes for the win. But I’ve committed myself to a 30 day challenge and it’s only 6 days into the month. My feeling is that long term it’s more important for me to keep my commitment to myself and go out every night versus take a break and come back refreshed. Even if it causes me to lose some sets to apathy in the coming nights, I think the discipline of sticking to my word cannot be underrated.

Tonight I have about zero fucking desire to go talk to girls. Tonight I will go talk to girls. Maybe one of my wingmen will hit me up, otherwise I’ll hit up some hipster joint in Williamsburg. Hell, maybe something will click and I’ll end up getting back into my normal kick ass state.