I thought that approach anxiety would be the hardest thing to get through in game. Once I can approach a girl without my heart rate rising to cocaine overdose levels, everything else will be easy #SoIThought
Not so much. Approach anxiety was difficult to overcome, but the stage I’m at right now is complex and uncertain. I don’t know for sure that what I’m doing is right. Or if there is more that I could be doing. As my wingman has pointed out, the modern PUA community is a wonderful blessing, but also a curse at times. There’s fantastic information out there but at the same time, it’s easy to feel like a failure because the bar is so high. The pros are having threesomes and orgies, pulling in 5 minutes, gaming entire venues, attending the hottest parties, and dating models. Knowing about that it can feel like no matter how good your own progress is, it’s not enough. Anyways, let’s forget about that and look at something concrete.
The last three days have provided a massive barrage of experiences that have put me on an oversized emotional rollercoaster. I’ve had ups and downs faster than at any other point in my life. Tonight was the cherry on top. I met up with my wingman and we checked out a new place, just another one of NYC’s amazing rooftop bars. Then we tried to get into a higher end club but the doorman said we need girls. We walked all around and ended up at Pianos.
I danced for a while, my wingman opened some sets and found a couple of Thai girls with their friend. He got me to come over and talk to one of them, and I made two mistakes within 30 seconds.
1. The set was three people. Two girls and a guy. My wingman had one Thai girl, I had the other. I assumed that my girl was with the guy and I shouldn’t try to take this set seriously. Wrong. He was just a friend and literally was pushing the girl at my wingman. So a better mindset would be to always assume the guy in the set is just a non-sexual friend, and then let him prove otherwise.
2. I shake hands with the girl, and at the time I don’t know that she’s Thai. As soon as she tells me where she’s from, I visibly inconvenience myself to get closer to her so we can talk. I spent three months in Thailand so I’m always interested to chat to Thai people. However, by investing so much after only 20 seconds I blew myself out. I literally watched her attraction drop. What I should have done was hold onto her hand and pulled her to me. Make her come to me, don’t be a beta bitch chasing her.
So that set is basically dead in the water for me. I go back to dancing. My wingman who is crushing it grabs me and introduces me to another girl. She immediately introduces me to her friend. I feel like I’m a joint being passed around. The friend is sort of into me but not really. I feel like partially cooked spaghetti. Which is not how you should feel to crush it.
By now my wingman has solidly hooked his girl and he invites her to this high end club in Soho. Normally this wouldn’t happen, but I have no choice but to get into the taxi too because I left my bag in his house, which is 2 blocks from the club. They stand outside the place smoking a cig, I get my bag and come back. Then I fuck up again. I know, I FUCKING KNOW that the three of us will not get in. Two guys, one girl. No. another club, sure. But not here. I’ve already decided I’ll give my wingman back his keys and be on my way. But then because my wingman is a nice guy he asks me if I want to try to get in with them. I say no, he says are you sure? I hesitate and reconsider and basically act like a fucking cunt. I know the right thing to do and I don’t do it. We try to get in and the doorman questions my existence. Only then do I leave, like I should have in the first place.
On the train home I look back in awe at the last three days. I did some of the most difficult approaches and experienced so many emotions. I now know that going out with someone better than you is great because it gives you positive reference experiences, but it’s also trying because they succeed where you fail. This can leave you questioning yourself.
I feel thrilled with the frame I held on Friday night and how I screened girls.
I feel inadequate that my wingman is fucking crushing it while I’m achieving almost nothing.
I feel fucking pissed at myself for trying to get into this club with my wingman even though I knew I shouldn’t do it.
I feel distraught because I’m going out and pushing myself harder than ever before in my life but girls don’t seem to like me anymore than usual.
I feel anxious because I’m wondering if I’m seriously doing something wrong and am wasting my time right now.
I feel good because at the very least my approach anxiety has terminal cancer, is in the hospital, and they’re about to pull the plug.
I feel confused because I’m not sure whether to embrace indirect game or direct game or if that doesn’t even matter at my current stage.
It’s fucking nuts. Game is throwing so much at me right now and I’m doing the doggy paddle trying to stay afloat. I fucking love it though. I really, honestly love it. I don’t always have fun, and there’s a lot of shit being thrown at me, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m going to keep going out and even if my wingmen pull all around me and the whole world seems to understand something that I don’t, at least I’ll be able to say that I pushed the shit out of my comfort zone and always tried to do the right thing.
I feel like my awesome posture has died. I used to be consciously aware of standing ramrod straight and not leaning in or pecking. Now I think I’ve started to do it again. Fuck that! No pecking, no leaning. Actively and continually focus on having fantastic posture.
Persistence! If I want stuff to happen I have to stay in set more. Persist, persist, persist. Take this viewpoint: the fact that she’s even standing there and has not walked off is an IOI. So long as she’s there I WILL NOT LEAVE.
Speaking loud. I’ve noticed that girls have been struggling to hear me more than normal. Get this shit taken care of.