I’ve been going out for exactly 13 months, I think my first night was May 28th, 2016. Thirteen months @ 5 nights a week to reach the point where walking up to a woman and introducing myself feels effortless. I suppose this is because my brain is finally used to approaching and I don’t have to deplete willpower reserves. This number, 13 months, seems to have some significance because it’s almost exactly how long it took me to get good at Russian. I’ll call it the click month. Anyways..
Was planning to sample a local bar or two and go home after half an hour. But my wingman hit me up so I went out with him. First girl I opened was a blast to talk to. Even though she was overweight and really not cute, I found myself becoming somewhat attracted after 10 minutes because we were vibing so well. She was surely disappointed when I left. I’m guessing she was thinking we would be great together and she was wishing she could have me. Just like a guy will talk to a sweet gorgeous girl and think that they should be together, even though it will never happen.
Wingman joins, we start walking through LES when we pass three girls on the sidewalk. I notice that one of them is exceptionally beautiful. Ten feet later I say,
“You think we should talk to them..?”
Rhetorical question, we turn back and open. The cutest girl says,
“Didn’t you guys just walk past? And you came back to talk to us, that’s so sweet!”
This one girl dominated the rest of the night. She was very attractive, bubbly as a Vegas fountain and remarkably easy to talk to. We spent an hour with her and all of her Australian friends, it was great. Which brings up this point: I’ve spoken with a lot of guys who say things like,
“I just don’t have the motivation to speak to these girls. I don’t want to spend an hour talking to her, I just want to get laid!”
I’ve felt this too and it makes sense. As guys our prerogative is basically to get to sex as quickly as possible. In the club this can manifest in not approaching because you don’t want to put in the effort. Well in this situation, with this girl who is in NYC to try and become a model, I was willing to speak with her for an hour. This, even though I thought the chance that I would have sex with her was slightly less than 1%. It would seem that the cure for this apathy of not wanting to chat with chicks is to find more attractive women. At least that was my experience tonight, as I have zero regrets for chatting so long with this girl.
Towards the end she was mostly with my wingman so I went to another bar. Opened three or four girls but nothing clicked and I think it’s my fault. My opens were solid but I don’t think I plowed enough in the beginning. It was a high stimulus environment and I needed to amp up the energy and be more physical. I was not nearly persistent enough to show the girl I was really interested.
Around 2:00 I left and on the sidewalk I noticed a tall, well dressed woman. Approached and found out she was Dutch. I started crushing it and after 5 minutes she didn’t want to leave. Her friend was dragging her though and I wasn’t going to walk with her. She was 30 and not quite as cute as I imagined. As she was walking away I could see the consternation on her face, I thought she was going to ask for my number. Gorgeous, experiences like these reinforce the belief that I’m the prize.
That was the night. Three hours out and it was a fucking blast. I haven’t kissed a girl in a while or pulled in a month. I don’t care, I’m not worried. I’m noticing significant improvements in my game and it’s unquestionable that the results will catch up soon enough.
This has nothing to do with pickup, it’s about personalities / character. Namely, what unique advantages do you have? If you’re not a naturally outgoing dude, I think it can be very easy to feel that you lost out in the genetic lottery. I certainly felt that way for a long time, especially considering that many of my friends were socially savvy and getting laid. For years I felt like god royally fucked me.
I’ve begun to appreciate that god has not bent me over. My strengths lie in less visible areas. Example: I can focus for long periods of time and sift through piles of material that other people would find intolerably dull. Take my roommate from Kiev, a naturally outgoing dude who has slept with dozens of women and is blessed with a golden mouth. That’s his strength, but when it comes to building an online business it’s fairly difficult for him to focus. He wants to take a break every 15 minutes to chat and be social. Whereas I suspect that I’ll build a more profitable business in less time because I’ll be able to focus more and get more work done every day.
It’s not that I’m lucky or he’s lucky, we’re just different. The important thing to realize is that social skills are not everything, and if you take an objective look at yourself you’ll find strengths that others lack. It can be hard to do this because not all traits are as obvious as social skills, but they are there..