Last night was excellent in the sense that I was getting my ass handed to me but I kept approaching. Still, it was uber-fucking-frustrating. I’ve been crushing it lately and so to go back down feels especially sour. What the fuck went wrong though? I spent an hour on the train last night trying to figure it out.

Honest Communication

Sometimes for an entire night, sometimes for 45 seconds, I slip into a glorious frame that feels natural and awesome. I guess it’s like state but it’s not me being amped up or going approach crazy. I’m just walking up to girls with no motive and starting a conversation. I can literally hear a difference in the way my voice sounds it’s weird. There’s a big difference between this state and my normal one when I try to influence the conversation in a way that leads it towards sex. Distant Light described it as trying to bias the interaction towards sex, as opposed to letting things unfold naturally.

I can’t achieve this awesome mindset on command though, it seems to come and go on its own. It’s also a paradox because I am going out and approaching women in order to have sex. My intent is to pull her home and in order for that to happen I have to take action, lead and get it done. But if I focus on the end goal too much then I get lackluster reactions. At the moment the only solution I have is to keep going out and consciously focus on cultivating the desired mindset.

My Only Goal is to Stay in Set

There was one set last night that had potential. She was older, maybe 30. Blonde hair, skinny, decent looking. I would definitely sleep with her and right from the beginning she was receptive. However, I fucking blew it in two god damn minutes by being way too polarizing. This is a consistent trend for me, so why the fuck do I blow up sets by being too insane?

  1. Micro-rewards. When I say crazy shit I’ll get a laugh or a seductive look enough of the time that it tricks my fucking brain into thinking that I’m doing good. However, those quick acts of approval totally mask the fact that I don’t sleep with the girls I act most insane with. Basically I’ve realized this in the last two weeks and it’s big.
  2. The pickup community. There’s a good deal of infield showing guys saying the most outrageous shit to girls and acting nuts. This behavior is sometimes/often glorified and preached as gospel. This may work (you see them do this, do you actually see them go on to pull that girl?), but it is not working for me where I’m at right now.

It’s not that I have to be a lame fuck who never says anything controversial, but I have to tone it down by about 80%. For instance, with the woman above I packed 30 minutes of polarizing material into 2 minutes. It’s like that super concentrated syrup they use to make slushies. If you just sip the syrup it probably tastes horrible, it’s way, way too fucking sweet. But dilute it with a bunch of slush and it tastes great.

The Night as a Whole

I got emotionally raped last night. It’s the most beaten down I’ve felt from pickup in a month or two. Still, I’m proud of it. By 10 sets deep I knew the night was going to shit but I just kept hammering away at it. Finally, last set of the night, I found a girl who was nice to me and called me her new friend. It felt really damn good and I’m still focusing on it. Fuck logic man, girls love me. I’ve already forgotten the 23 girls who were uninterested but I remember well the 3 who thought I was nifty.