For this report I think it will be better if I look at some of the things I experienced and try to draw a lesson from the madness, ignoring any semblance of order. Let’s start.
My fourth or fifth set of the night was a tall girl dressed in turquoise. In a sea of New Yorkers clad in black and slightly darker black, she stood out like an investment banker in jail. We started talking and it was going well. I was saying a lot, she was staying there, she seemed interested. But was she really? Was there any part of her attracted to me? She had the big eyes but she also never asked me any questions and never responded to my escalation. In the moment I believed that she was a passive person. That may be true, but in reflection I now believe that I simply wasn’t attractive enough. If I had run that situation better I suspect she would have done more to keep me around.
Another interesting aspect of this set is that I lost my state with it. I was in the zone but after ten minutes with this chick I had lost my nice state and I never got it back. That was interesting because usually I lose state when I don’t talk to girls, not when I do. State is state of course, take it or leave it. I’m going to go do my thing regardless, but at the same time, I would prefer to have state versus not have it. So I was disappointed to lose it given that I was taking action. Anyways, I don’t really know what I could have improved. Maybe led more, may been more dominant with the physicality? More questions than answers.
I was disappointed with my wingman last night, one set in particular. He pointed out two cute girls, said we should open. I said “Ok, are you going to do it or me?” He hesitated, took a half step forward then stopped. I didn’t wait around, I went up and opened. As I mentioned yesterday, everything moves fast in game. If you don’t open immediately shit can fall apart. So I’m happy when my girl turns out to be attractive. She’s tall, two inches under six foot. Shoulder length blonde hair, a defined jawline, a cute nose. I’m totally into her! She’s also articulate and well read, we vibe well. She’s got big eyes and I think she likes me.
However, after ten minutes my wingman starts talking to my girl and he’s being weird. Asking her whether she likes to get choked, playing with her choker and mock choking her. Asking her if she wants to play a game that only girls can play. This is a bit of a tough situation for me to be in. I can try to get him to leave her alone but then it looks like I’m being a douche to my friend and not backing him up. I can ignore it but then the set will just go worse. It’s a lose-lose situation and I’m a bit pissed about it because I opened. I took action and now my wingman is fucking it up with my girl. Not cool. Things go from good to OK to weird and the set dies. Unfortunate, but a learning experience none the less. Next time this happens I’ll take immediate action. If I sense my wingman is going for my girl I’ll immediately try to move her, or at the very least get my back to my wingman so he’s froze out without me having to make either of us look like douches.
Last set of the night. I approach, ignore the two friends, focus on the one girl. In 30 seconds I do a spot on cold read and she gets freaked out. This isn’t really too hard. After 1,000 or 1,500 sets you can make some educated guesses, open twelve sets with a cold read and you’ll be dead on in two cases. Just basic statistics. More interesting than my cold read was her reaction to how I did it. I was making statements. “The way you dress means that you’re from New York. You’re from Brooklyn. I’m going out on a limb and say that you live in Greenpoint.” She thought the cold read was great, but she also really liked how I spoke in statements without asking. “I feel like that’s really bold how you did that! It was cool” she said. “That’s just how I am” I replied. It’s true too, I make statements like this all the time. It more or less is part of my character at this point.
Unfortunately the conversation started on that high note and didn’t go all that much further. She talked a lot, I asked some good questions, but I never really seriously escalated even though I found her attractive. At the end she said “You can have my number but I have to find my friends.” I took her number but I’ll quit game and join a monastery if I ever see that girl again. This leads me to an important point.
Right or wrong, I believe that I’ve toned down the physicality too much. I think? I’m not sure whether I’m simply more calibrated now and I’m not going for it when the moment is wrong, or whether I’m scared of the blowouts. Earlier, when most of my interactions were three to five minutes, I didn’t give a fuck about being a physical retard because if I blew the set that only meant it ended two minutes faster than it would have anyways. Now that I’m routinely doing ten to thirty minute sets I think that I’m more afraid to go physical because I don’t want to end the set prematurely. The problem is that whether I escalate and blow it, or don’t escalate and it fizzles, the result is the same. If I don’t escalate after twenty minutes the girl thinks I’m not about her and leaves, especially if she just wants to hook up that night. I look at the three best sets of the night (cute blonde girl, tall girl, girl who I cold read) and I see great potential in all three. But all of them never amounted to much, surely in part because I wasn’t physical enough. Damn. I ought to be more physical because it’s better to blow it because of action than let it collapse into blank stares and boredom.
*I did an excellent job of approaching everything last night. See a set, go in. Over and over. That not only allowed me to keep momentum, it made the night more enjoyable.
*Every night I strive to make my mind my bitch. I run that fucker, I don’t let him run me.
*I used to be better at getting physical and taking risks. I need to get some of that back.
*What am I missing that would allow me to advance to the next level quicker?
*Even though I’m fuckup every single night I’m out I think that I’m on the right track. My big three focus areas at the moment are: leading, being physical, and re-approaching.