There was a lot of failure last night, and from that come many lessons. I learned how to not do pickup and I’ll share it here. First, a broad overview of the night. Waiting outside the bar for my wingman, I start the night by opening three different girls on the street. That was really good, maybe the high point of the night.
Inside it was fucking nuts. Packed as I’ve ever seen it. My wingman opened a few sets, I opened a few, it was all going good. And then something happened. Instead of continuing to open and building on my good mood, I decided to get some water. This was a huge mistake. I waited five minutes for the bartender and my momentum started to crash. In the beginning of the night it’s crucial that I keep opening so that I have a great foundation. Later in the night five minutes is fine, but early in the night I can’t spare it. When the bar guy finally got to me and I told him I wanted water he rolled his eyes, gave me a look like I’m a leper and ignored me. That hurt probably more than it should have. It’s never happened before. My night was done from then on. I opened a few more sets but I was completely shot. The bar felt overwhelming, the crowd felt oppressive, I felt like shit.
I went and sat on a park bench two blocks away. Take a break, I told myself. Forget about what happened, get some good vibes and then go back and immediately open, you might still be able to salvage this night. I sat there for fifteen minutes then started walking back. On the sidewalk I passed my wingman who was walking with a cute girl back towards his place. That was the nail in the coffin. I was happy for him and it feels great to have a wingman who’s crushing it with game, but it made me even more aware of how out of it I was. I got my backpack and went home.
*I’ve mentioned that a key focus for me right now is maintaining the mental frame of I’m awesome. More to point, as soon as I start to think negative while I’m out (or in life in general I suppose) I have to cut that shit off and just think: I’m awesome.
It totally and completely failed to do that last night. I let outside forces wreak havoc on my emotional state and the result was shit. I have to be ruthless about cutting off negative thinking immediately. Remember, I’m awesome. I’m doing something that very, very few guys will ever do and no matter how unattractive I feel, I’ve slept with more girls in the last year than plenty of guys will sleep with in their entire lives. That’s something worth remembering.
*Trying to get water last night was a game-changing mistake. Up to that point almost everything was going good and it would have been easy to keep it up. But for some reason I stopped and I paid the price for it. Never again. It’s crucial that I build that great momentum early because it will carry me through the whole night.
*When I’m in state and crushing it I make lots of statements. When I’m out of state and not crushing it I ask lots of questions. I have to change this. Regardless of how I’m feeling I need to be making more statements. Questions cause me to invest and they put me in a spot where I’m dependent and waiting on the girl’s answer which is a shitty place to be. I can actively focus on this: no matter what make statements.
*I’ve noticed that when I’m crushing it one thing I do really fucking well is screen (break rapport). I walk up to girls and say things like “Who the hell are you?” or “Who said you could be in my bar?” or “I’m sorry, but you’re not allowed to stand here. I’m going to have to ask you to leave”. This stuff is great, it’s approximately 10,000,000x better than asking “So, what do you do?”
When I’m out of state if I say breaking rapport shit it’s not going to hit well and will feel incongruent, and maybe the key is to tone it down some so it’s not so extreme. But I have to be throwing some breaking rapport in their somehow because currently when I’m out of it all I do is ask stupid fucking questions which totally suck.
*I care too much and I know it. I see a cute girl giving attention to a guy or putting her arm on him and I want that. I really fucking want it, and still I know that the more I want it the less likely I’ll be able to get it. I know that I can change it though. Times when I’ve had a girlfriend in my life I didn’t give a fuck. I had unlimited sex and I would see girls giving attention to guys and just think yeah, whatever. I have that too. Building abundance. It’s going to take time but it will allow me to stop caring about getting a girl’s approval. Meanwhile I can focus on the absolute truth that getting a girl will not solve my problems or fix my life. I’m at the center of everything and a girl is only a compliment to my already awesome self.
*More than two weeks of being out every single night. It’s starting to feel normal. I’m starting to wonder why I’m not out there doing daygame as well.