At the third bar of the night I met a girl who I vibed with. Went for the makeout three times but she kept brushing me off. When it finally happened it was good, then she pulled me to a bar across the street. She told me that she just got out of an 8 month relationship with a girl and she doesn’t like many guys. We talked and after I finished my drink we left the bar, walked some on the street, made out some more and I opted for the pull but it wasn’t happening. However, we agreed to meet for dinner the next day. If I had logistics I think there’s an 80% chance this would have been a pull. Unfortunately, we live on opposite sides of New York and we both had to work in the morning. I’ll meet her tonight though and it’s a very good chance I’ll pull. Also, that German girl ended up texting me back so maybe there’s some chance something happens there (like ~20% I give it). Mostly I’d like to talk about some thoughts from last night.
*Someone better at pickup than me said that your job is to drop the emotional baggage of all your previous approaches and go into each set fresh. I really felt this last night. I was getting some crummy reactions that were shaking me up. I kept reminding myself to let it go, just do my thing. Don’t let the rejections get to me.
*Good game is having freedom from outcome. When this mindset manifests I fucking kill it. However, it can be difficult to approach twenty women and put yourself on the line without developing a desire for a certain outcome. I’m getting better at this though. It’s something that slowly develops, I don’t think it’s typical to go from zero to a hundred in a day.
*Last night there were two or three times when I wanted to throw in the towel and leave. A couple of annoying sets in a row, lack of energy, whatever. But I didn’t let it get to me, I ignored the crap and kept approaching. This was 100% the right thing to do and I was rewarded for it. Consistently approaching is always important but it’s fucking crucial if I’m on the brink of giving up.
*One way to be smoother is talk to a girl about her apartment. Find out what’s special about it, or, when I have good logistics again, talk about something special in my apartment. Do this early on and then move the conversation elsewhere. Later on when you’re going for the pull you can reference that thing as an excuse to go back to yours or hers. This really isn’t necessary, if she likes you she’ll go back no matter what excuse. However, I think it’s a more elegant way to do things which might be the difference between pulling and not pulling every once in a while.
*I don’t know how much this matters but with the girl last night I feel like I was giving off the frame of potential relationship. I was making jokes about things we would do together in the future and talking about how many kids we’ll have and all that. Of course it’s all bar jokes, she’s not stupid. However, I don’t really want to give off that vibe if what I’m really interested in is casual hooking up or a ONS.
*At one point, after we went to the second bar together, girl said to me:
“You’re cool, but kind of predictable.”
This hit me deep, instantly I felt embarrassed and out of it for about a minute. This was a very insightful comment. I was being kind of predictable, I was filtering my words, I wasn’t totally free in what I was saying and she could feel it. Fascinating how women are able to do this. The lesson here is to open up more and fully express my thinking, even if I think it might lose me the girl. This is different than doing some polarizing crazy crap, it’s about honest expression and not being afraid to put yourself out there.
*I’m not currently working out but this might have to change. I think that I’ll be pulling once a week, maybe more, by August and that means lots of sex. I’ll enjoy this more if I’m fit. Get in shape for sex, that’s as good a motivation as any.