I have a new idea about leading. I’m 100% sure that my current thinking is wrong. Right now I make out leading to be this big event that I have to plan ahead and justify with good reasons and all this bullshit. As a result I don’t do it enough. I sometimes let sets fade and die because I’m too nervous to lead, even though leading would probably solve a great deal of my problems. So I have this idea. From the beginning of the set I can start “micro-leading” and then build it up from there. Example.
I open a girl and introduce myself. Within thirty seconds I move her two feet over so that less people will bump us, or because the lights better, or who gives a fuck, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I break that initial leading barrier right there and start the interaction off with the idea that I’m the leader. Then a few minutes later I move her ten feet away. Then to a secluded area to makeout. And so on. Instead of making leading this big deal that I only do once or twice in the set, I break it up into a whole bunch of small chunks so that when I go for the pull it’s my 11th time leading and it’s natural for her to say yes. I’m bringing this up because of a set from last night. I’m proud of what I did but I also could have done better.
Me and my wingman walk into the bar and I immediately open a three set. I hook onto my girl and after five minutes, on an emotional high point, I pull her away from the group towards the wall. She follows me but then asks why I pulled her over there.
“Because I like dark spaces” I reply.
Yeah, not a good line, sounds creepy. We ended up talking for another ten minutes but it went nowhere. I noticed that my girl kept looking at her friend. I also noticed that she gave me makeout eyes but the window was very narrow. The neurons in my brain still don’t fire fast enough on that. It takes me a while to see it, register it, think of a response, and by the time all this goes on I’m stuck in my head and it doesn’t go smooth. Regardless, I’m very happy with the way I isolated my girl on an emotional high point, that was great. However, what I could have done better is lead more. There’s an inside area of the bar and I could have led her there, told her I wanted to see if my friend is bartending. This would have been a secluded area to makeout in.
I end up getting this girl’s number but I’ll never see her again. Not a strong enough connection. I leave that bar, go to the club. I see a couple of guys I know, we chat a bit. I stay there for an hour and open everything in that club worth opening. I talk to a German girl for fifteen minutes but it stalls out because I failed to lead. I don’t know why I’m nervous to lead when it’s the thing that will help me to salvage a lot of sets. I have to train my brain to do this AB process:
A – There’s an emotional high in the interaction right now
B – Lead her somewhere, anywhere
As I get better at doing this I expect my interactions to go much better and to have more success. It will also help me to determine who is down for a ONS and who isn’t. The quicker that you can find that out the quicker you can move on to a different set, or go for the pull.
*I mentioned in my last report that I feel apathy towards pickup at the moment. I think this is wrong. I think that it’s totally the opposite. I think that I care so much that it’s painful and I repress it by telling myself I don’t care. I’m sick of losing girls that I find fun and attractive. I’m sick of getting to know girls and then they leave because my game isn’t good enough. It hurts man.
Right now what I want more than just about anything is for a cute girl to like me and want to be in my life, and yet on a logical level I know that by wanting it I’ll never get it. I’ll only get it when I don’t need it. Learning game at this stage is a major mindfuck for me and I’m sorting through some difficult and murky emotions. I used to handle this by drinking beer, but now that I’m sober I have no outlet. Much healthier in the long run, but it forces me to stay with these emotions and they’re starting to get pretty epic.