I hit up a different Tuesday spot than normal. My buddy was supposed to be promoting but he never showed up. I was solo which is rare. It took me a long time to work up the nerve to do my first approach. Did it and I was shut out in 4 seconds flat. I saw an exceptionally cute girl walking by and I started to follow her. She went to the bar, it was crowded, I didn’t try to open. Another 15 minutes of nothing, until I say to myself, fuck this man. If you don’t make something happen, what’s the point of even going out? I see that same cute girl again, approach her and we talk for 5 minutes. One thing that helped me a lot was a post I recently read about invisible attraction.
Invisible attraction = The hotter girls will give you very few, if any, signs that they’re into you. They might give you one word answers, act bored, not try to keep the conversation going, etc. However, it’s a front. On the inside they’re actually attracted but they won’t let you see that. So you have to power through and trust that she’s attracted.
That was this girl. She was giving me nothing, I kept pushing. We broke off and I danced for a minute. Then I saw her sitting down alone. I sat next to her. She insulted me for 2 minutes, I shrugged it off, then we started talking about food. Ten minutes later we left together to get pizza. Then I walked her home. Then I asked to use the bathroom and we went inside. We ended up kissing but nothing else. She had to wake up in six hours for a thesis meeting and she said no way I could stay over.
Now…… Did I blow everything by not pushing harder for sex? I hope not, this would be, hands down, the cutest girl I’ve hooked up with yet. My thinking at the moment was this, going all the way for sex at this moment is high risk, high reward. Maybe I can push past her objections and get laid. But only maybe. There’s also a good chance I can’t, and then I’ve blown the cool and I’ll probably never see her again. Instead of doing that I got her number and set up a date for this Friday. Typically when I push the interaction as far as conceivably possible, then set up a date for later, those dates tend to go very well. So I’ll text her today and see what happens. I’m fully open to the idea that I fucked up by not trying harder for sex. She let me into her house after all.
*I’ve been talking a lot about this idea of outcome independent game. A state of mind where I’m not chasing, I’m assuming it’s on. That was last night. I spent 90 minutes talking to this girl and I never tried anything, it was all very platonic. I just assumed it was on. Then we got back to her place and started kissing. If she didn’t have a thesis thing there’s a good chance we would have hooked up. It’s just being cool, being normal and assuming attraction. And I’m only in the nascent stages of understanding this, I’ve got years ahead of me to really master it. But I’m so psyched for that.
*The other great thing about this “non-chasing” game is that it’s so much more in line with my personality. I’m the same person when I’m in set with a girl as I am with anyone else. It’s a great alignment, as opposed to adopting a new persona when in set. This is not cool. The example I always think of is this PUA I went out with last winter. He was technically exceptionally skilled but also weird. His entire personality changed when he was with a girl versus chatting with me. He had all but mastered the art of “chasing” game but he had yet to progress past that point. I don’t want to be like that.
*Finding the best pickup information takes work. It means sorting through a lot of fucking bullshit and marketing half truths to find the gold. Even someone like Distant Light who I model myself on, you still have to filter his content.