1:30 at the third bar of the night and I open a blonde girl standing by herself. I’m in a good mood so it’s going well. We’re talking about living in Williamsburg and who has a better view of Manhattan from their rooftop. Out of the blue she says:
“Do you smoke weed?”
I reply “No, but I’m sure you can easily find somewhere here who does.”
“No” she says “I have some with me.”
Bam, right here. I interpret this as her using an excuse to leave with me. Maybe she just meant going outside the club to smoke, but in the moment I took it to be an invitation back to her place. So I immediately come back with:
“I don’t smoke but I would love to see your rooftop to see if your view is better.”
She laughs in my face, not in a good way. I believe that the adjectives tactless and uncalibrated best describe what I just said. I basically blew the set but I still try to lead her outside, she won’t budge. She walks away. Fine, so what’s the lesson?
I was doing A-ok up until she asked me if I smoke, which was her investing in me. However, instead of letting her continue to invest I shot right back with the “see your roof” line and totally over-invested in her. I took all the fun out of it. What I should have done is said “No” and waited. Let her chase me some. Let her figure this out. I’ve displayed enough value, the set is firmly hooked, I’m feeling great. I should have held my tongue and given her another chance to lead me out of the club.
Also, I need to be approximately 700% more aware of letting girls invest in me. Right now I do not handle it well. A girl will ask me a question (start investing) and I’ll answer then immediately ask her a question and over-invest. What I should be doing is answering, then scaling back just a notch. Let her ask another question, let her chase, I can be the challenge for her. I can see this being especially effective in day game or at lounges or well lit venues where you can actually hear each other.
2nd Bar of the Night: Free Willy
One girl in the whole place worth talking to. Opened, then a walrus that somehow had mutated human legs and a dress stole her away.
1st Bar of the Night: Missed Pull Opportunity
I came really, really fucking close to having an amazing night here. Dominating the whole venue, talking to everyone, kicking ass. With a few simple tweaks I could have made it happen and it would have been fucking epic. It would have been exactly like something Distant Light (my mentor and inspiration) would have done. That’s actually really exciting in itself, to see the potential of reaching his level. Anyways, like this title suggests I almost pulled.
Went out late, 12:30 or so. Ideally I would go out this late every night (since bars close at 4 in NYC) if this wasn’t the worst fucking time ever to get into clubs. But it’s Thursday so it doesn’t matter. Get inside, open the very first set I see. One girl is speaking into the other girl’s ear and she’s listening attentively. In earlier days I might have used this as an excuse to not approach. Not now. I roll up, get their attention, ask a question, then just stand there holding my frame like a fucking gangster. I don’t give a fuck and it feels fucking awesome. I don’t lean in, I don’t act intimated, I just wait. In less than a minute the girl on the left flips and she starts putting her arm around my neck and whispering in my ear.
For the next twenty minutes I lead her around the bar, we talk, and I hold the vibe. But I never go for the makeout. Looking back from the future I have no fucking idea why I didn’t. I think that maybe I took it for granted (big mistake). She’s practically brushing lips with me and physically escalating on me, but I don’t do it. Then she says:
“I really need to go talk to my friends right now.”
I say: “Ok cool.”
Pull her in, kiss on the lips, and let her go. I reapproach her twenty minutes later and she blows me off. She wants no part of me. It’s done. Here’s everything I believe I fucked up.
- I know this sounds demented and insane but sometimes when a girl gives me heaps and heaps of great signs I get a bit uneasy and don’t act on it. I’m so used to fighting for attraction and compliance that when it just comes so easily I lose my A game and start playing with my C game. I think that’s part of the reason I didn’t go for the makeout. I sort of took it for granted. Which I shouldn’t have.. This girl wanted to makeout with me and by not doing it I showed fear and lack of social acuity and it withered because of it.
- I should have just fucking pulled this girl out of the bar. Fuck seeding the pull, fuck dealing with friends, I just needed to get her out of the fucking bar, on the sidewalk, and start walking. My game is easily good enough to bullshit all of this and keep it going the two blocks it takes to walk to my house. Instead I weakly let her go and showed myself to not be a leader.
- If I was going to seed the pull I should have done it not by saying “Let’s go to my place” but “Let’s go check out this cool bar right down the street” Which is conveniently 74 feet from my front door.
Man, I had this in the bag but I got lazy, I took it for granted and so I lost it. I think I’m justified at being pissed at myself. This was not a situation where things were out of my control. Instead, I had control, I had the window of opportunity and I spit on it. I cannot let this happen again. Lead, lead, lead and go for the fucking pull. When there’s a window of opportunity I have to act on it because the window can close at any time.