Man I really, really did not want to be out last night. The Tuesday spot venue is always good but I don’t like it. Bunch of obscenely drunk guys and people playing pong, everyone jammed in like cattle for the slaughterhouse. That being said, the challenge is to go into a venue like this and have a blast. At this stage a good bit of learning game is simply learning how to have fun in the club, no matter what the circumstances. Ways to do so include:
- Lower your criteria for fun, so that everything is funny to you.
- Open immediately and often, so that you don’t even have time to think about how much you want to torch the bar you’re in.
- Continually embrace the mindset of “I’m awesome” and cut off negative thoughts the moment you feel them coming on.
So last night, walk inside. I’d give about $1,000 to just walk out the door and go home, but no. Doing this. I mentally punch myself into opening a girl, and it goes OK. Start feeling a bit better. Open another girl, it goes well. Keep opening, it gets better. At some point things switch to on and I’m doing the “hard” sets. Tall, cute blonde girl with six friends. Bam, open and in. One of the cutest girls in the bar is about to walk right by. Bam, hand out, draw her in, introduce myself. Total 180 degree turnaround from my original state.
Unfortunately my wingman was losing his voice so he left early. Then I saw a pickup guy I know. He’s an assistant to a very, very well known pickup dude. Seeing him gives me some ego-drive and I open three or four sets in his vicinity. The final set of the night the girl was really into me but her friends physically dragged her away, it was a bit disappointing. I haven’t pulled in about six weeks and I think that there are three things at play here.
- Pure chance. The last two girls who were into me and down to be pulled both had bad logistics I couldn’t overcome. If the logistics had been different there’s a very high chance I would have pulled both.
- I’ve raised my standards. I’ve given up at least one pull, maybe two, because I’ve lost interest in pulling short and not very attractive women. She can be tall and not very attractive, or short and cute, but not short and not cute. Previously I have pulled the short, not cute girls and so by giving that up I’m giving up pulls.
- My game has deteriorated in some aspect. This is insidious and so fucking hard to spot (for me at least). It’s much easier for me to identify sticking points to work on than to identify things that I’ve traditionally done well (or unintentionally done well) then stopped doing. However, two things stand out. One is my eye contact. I noticed that it’s getting worse. For some reason I think that “eye contact won’t matter with this girl” when it really fucking does matter with every girl! Whatever it takes I need to improve my eye contact. The second point that I need to work on I’ll address in the next paragraph.
Qualifying / Telling Her Why She’s Cool
Girls want to feel special and they want to feel like you’ve chosen them for a reason beyond their looks. When I look back on my last two pulls I can see how I “qualified” the girl by telling her what I liked. Nia worked for SNL and I told her how cool I thought that was and I praised her on it. It wasn’t game or a tactic, I was just being straight up; I thought it was cool as shit! Maya liked Jameson (my favorite drink) and she had been skydiving. I genuinely praised her for both things because I thought it was awesome! I’m sure if I looked back further I would see even more examples of me praising girls I’ve hooked up with.
With all that in mind, I’ll say that I don’t think I’m doing this enough. This isn’t a tactic or a trick though! It’s more like this: by talking to the girl I can find out something about her that I consider cool, I can use that to become genuinely interested in her and that will translate into her being genuinely interested in me. So basically what this idea comes down to is this:
- Getting a conscious idea of all the qualities I like in a girl.
- When speaking with her I can ask more questions, prod deeper until I find something to genuinely like about her (and if I can’t find anything I leave!).
- Tell her exactly why I think that’s cool and praise her for it.
This is not gamey or manipulative, it’s just putting more conscious focus and effort into something that I do automatically anyway. I think the results will be powerful. It gives me more opportunities to like a girl for real reasons, it shows the girl why I think she’s special, it’s positive for everyone.
*Overcoming that tremendous resistance last night felt glorious. It was like benching 225 for the first time
*So far me leading more has basically resulted in me hearing “I’m going to stay with my friends” and “No, I want to stay here” a lot. Not sure what I’m doing wrong, but something is amiss.
*I have to improve my eye contact. Look direct into her eyes and smile a lot so it’s not so intense.