There’s a lot to say about last night. I’ll describe what happened then drop into the meaningful experiences. It’s like this. My buddy was spinning at a high end club and invited me out. I get in, say what’s up to him, chill in the “VIP” area. End up making out with a tall blonde girl, talking to a bunch more chicks, almost making out with a Belarussian lady, almost making out with a Colombian, and flat out fucking ignored by several other women. Around 3:15 I called it a night. Here’s what matters.
*I did a subway open! I was feeling really good on the way to the club. As I was coming down to the platform I saw a tall blonde girl. So I talked to her. Within 5 seconds it was obvious that she’s unattractive, with her boyfriend, and unexciting. I gave a fuck, I was thrilled that I did it. However, I have regrets. There was another two set of attractive blonde girls, all dressed up, waiting for the train and I didn’t open them even though I wanted to. I was scared I would run out of things to say. Also, later that night I didn’t open this beautiful girl waiting for the subway back to Brooklyn. I was about to open, then I hesitated and immediately my bitch brain came up with a justification: “She’s too young, she’s probably just a kid.” As if there are a lot of “kids” dressed up in makeup, waiting for the subway alone at 3:30am on a Friday night in Manhattan. Fuck. That bitch brain will get me every time which is why I just have to make it an instinct: see the girl, do the approach. Don’t give myself time to think.
*I’ve been doing a great job of going for the makeout in all sets. I don’t often do this but I give myself an A+ for my efforts in this area. Last night I madeout with one girl, I literally kissed another girl’s teeth, it was fucking weird. She wouldn’t kiss me back but she told me to take her number. And then I came very close to kissing Belarussian lady. That would have been three makeouts in a night. Never done that before. I don’t know how long it will be before I do get that done but I suspect I’ll have it by the start of May.
*The two girls who flat out fucking ignored me were both very attractive. I don’t know what I could have done better? I was thinking that perhaps I wasn’t loud enough, or I wasn’t doing a good enough approach. Very possible, but I don’t think that’s entirely it. I think that I just wasn’t having enough fun. I wasn’t feeling good enough about myself. This is something that takes time to develop. However, these girls ignoring me had close to zero effect on my state. That brings up the next point.
*Viewing myself as the opportunity and the cool guy. If a girl doesn’t want to get to know me that’s her loss not mine. This sounds so positive and “correct” but on some level I think that guys who are learning game don’t really believe it. We probably think something more like: to be honest, I’m not an incredible opportunity. That girl can meet a guy 20x hotter than me and she knows it. Fair, I certainly feel like that sometimes. But the more positive reference experience I gain, the more I think about all the girls who have chosen me, the more I genuinely feel like I am a fascinating man who she’s choosing to close herself off to.
*A great new idea that I’m rolling with is the positive reframe. Essentially it’s this. The moment you feel yourself thinking I’m not cool, girls don’t like me, I’m not the opportunity, I’m not pulling tonight you cut it off and reframe it as: I’m awesome, I’m giving girls a fascinating opportunity. Or whatever you want to believe. But the key aspect is that you don’t let the negative thinking grow from a seed into a massive tree. You cut it off just as its sprouting so that you can foster a mental environment of awesome throughout the night. Powerful stuff, and easily implemented.
*It’s really interesting to see how my goals manifest themselves in real life. For instance, about a month ago I wrote here several times about how I have to start going for the makeout more so that I can calibrate it better. Besides writing about it I never really gave it much thought, wrote it down in my phone, or actively decided to practice it in the club. Those behaviors just sort of manifested. It’s like by writing about it I programmed it into my head and now it’s happening automatically. Same thing with the subway opening. I’ve been saying for a week or two now that I have to start doing it and bam, I was walking down to the station last night and I just did it without thinking.
In explaining how this manifests you can dive deep into Easter Spirituality, envisioning goals, creating plans and all this sort of stuff. It’s a bottomless hole.. However, on a more pragmatic level it seems to really boil down to this. By writing down a goal or desired action and putting some active focus onto it, you’ll begin to automatically practice it in the coming weeks. That’s why I’ll say that my explicit goals (sticking points to overcome) continue to be going for the makeout in every set, seeding the pull, and opening on the subway.
These are action oriented goals, but what trips me up a bit is setting results oriented goals. On one hand I heavily believe in focusing on my actions and detaching from my results. But on the other hand, some external drive is required. When I get a bit too *out there* and only focus on my actions, there’s no drive to push it hard. After all, if my goal is to go for the makeout with every set and I open two sets in twenty minutes and go for the makeouts on both, I’ve lived up to my goals and I can go home and feel great. But twenty minutes a day brings results not. That’s where some results oriented goals come in. My goal is to have 15 pulls by May 29th, which marks the one year anniversary of me being in game (check out my first ever field report). As of right now I’ve pulled 10 times. I seem to average about 1 pull every 20 days or so. To reach my goal of 15 I’ll need to step it up a bit, get more day twos, and stay at the club longer. I’m really capable of making it happen though, just going to have to hustle about 30% more.
*The girls who ignored me last night, two more thoughts. Maybe I’m not smiling enough. Nobody likes resting bitch face when they’re trying to have fun. Also, I was going out with question openers. I should be making statements in those crazy situations. On a deeper level though I could feel myself searching for words to say to impress these women. I didn’t feel like I deserved them. This is the more subtle art of game where you can be a happy guy with a great life and slept with plenty of women but you still may not feel like you deserve to be with a 9. That’s temporary though, continuing to go out will change this until I feel like I deserve a vast majority of girls.