Report reading music that matches my mood. Field tested this gem tonight,

Where are you from? I know it’s not America. Look at you, you’ve got to be Russian. Are you Russian? I’m going to call you Svetlana, you can be my mail order bride. You’ll come in the mail.”

Would not recommend. Apart from that I opened about 6 girls and had some interesting experiences. One cute blonde girl liked me immediately and started asking me questions about college. I told her I’ve already graduated, then said,

Not you though. You look like you’re still in college.”

Yeah, I am.” She replied with a smile.

Yep, you look like you’re about 12.”

Oh my god, you’re horrible! I do not! How can you say something like that!”

I smile and own it. I tell her that I’m a horrible person and she has to watch out for me. She loves it and gets closer. However, out of the nowhere some flesh colored blobs of pudding appear. They had discovered the ability to walk upright and they kept pulling my girl away. I opened her two more times but each time the pudding intervened.

I talked to a cute girl, asked her where she’s from. She said New Jersey. I replied,

I knew you weren’t from here! Go back to where you came from!”

I said it with a smile but it was too much, I pushed her too hard. I push girls away like this all the time! I don’t seem to learn. The problem is that theory contradicts with experience. The theory being that girls like to be teased and pushed away. Maybe, but when I do it like this the results are almost always negative. I have to either draw it back in or drop it.

I noticed myself leaning in again. Better than normal, still not as good as it should be. The last set of the night I consciously pulled myself back, that was good.

Here’s the best thing about the evening, it was one of those nights where I really didn’t want to go out. On top of that, I had no wingman to kick it with. For about 1/3rd of a tenth of a second I considered not going out, but the major problem with this is that if you do it once, you set the precedent for skipping out the next time you’re feeling crummy. I planned to go out tonight, I had to do it. So I went to LES and I ended up having a lot of fun and talking to maybe half a dozen girls. Even six months ago I don’t think I would be capable of shifting into this positive state of mind. I give myself props for improvement. It may be happening slower than I like but it is happening.

The Guy

There was a guy at Pianos who I’m about 80% was a PUA. He looked anxious, like he was having no fun, and he kept looking around, the way PUAs will do when they’re looking for a girl to open. He’s the perfect illustration of a common problem that I see in myself and others: sometimes it doesn’t seem like we’re actually having fun. Everyone else is at the club to relax, have some brews, be social, whatever. And then there’s us, sober, feeling like we have to achieve a result and get with a girl or else we’re shitty men. Some pressure to achieve is a good thing, but too much and it makes pickup an anxiety provoking experience. This is not good. I struggle with finding the balance of pushing myself versus actually enjoying the evening. It’s getting better with time but I still seemingly have eons to go before I’m as good as Distant Light, who seems to enjoy his nights out so much that he can’t help but be there. Most of the time I still feel like I’m forcing myself to stay out, and I really hope this changes with time.

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