A couple of months ago I paid $300 to have a 1 hour Skype coaching session with a well known PUA. A majority of the session was me asking him a series of carefully prepared questions. One of them happened to be: “What are the commonalities that you see in guys who get very good at this?” His answer was insightful. “The guys who get good at pickup have a very strong “why”. They have a good reason to learn pickup, one that carries them through all the bullshit and rejections. Guys who don’t have a good “why” tend to quit.”

Why the fuck am I doing this?

I’m asking myself that right now because I feel like throwing pickup out the fucking door. I’m feeling sick again. I’ve been healthy exactly two weeks, and now I’m getting sick again. I’m not blaming pickup, but I’m not-not blaming pickup either. Weird sleep schedule, massive amounts of social interaction, makeouts on the good nights. Fuck, I hate being sick so much.

Why the fuck am I doing this?

I’m doing it because I want to have awesome women in my life. I want to hook up with hot women. One day I also plan to raise a family and I want my wife to be amazing. An increasingly large part of me also wants to become an optimized version of my current self. Going out helps me get better with girls, and it helps me to feel more confident and grounded in all walks of life. Mostly though, I think there’s an incredible lifestyle out there for guys with 1% game. Yachts, private jets, stunning women, millionaire friends, the best clubs. That’s my real aim, and last night I did almost nothing to help me reach it.

Supposed to check out this club in Williamsburg with my “friend” but he bails at the last minute. I didn’t even particularly want to see him, but I’ve ruthlessly cut out so many people in my life that I prefer to keep some friendships even if the person is not ideal. So I go to the club alone. It turn outs to be very cool, it’s a great vibe. Jungle house, great crowd, tons of beautiful women. I approach one girl sitting down but leave after 30 seconds when her boyfriend shows up. I approach another girl who is a douche to me. Won’t even look at me or respond with much. I used to blame this kind of stuff on myself, now my attitude is more like “this girl is not cool and doesn’t even have the manners to talk to me“. Girls like that piss me off. It’s a guys job to approach, if men didn’t do this the world would cease to function.

That was it. Nothing more. I danced for a while then left. Total time in interaction: two minutes. I have no illusions about last night, it was shit. I guess I can pat myself on the back because I went out alone and approached, but that’s about all. I’m in a shitty state of mind right now. Regardless, going out tonight. I continue to believe the success that I want is just around the corner.