It was the entire entourage plus a new guy, so five of us in total. We started at a new bar which was good, we found a few sets. Walked to another bar, shit. So we went to 13 Step. Within 10 minutes we had canvased the place, there wasn’t a girl who didn’t get hit on. I opened multiple sets, gave high fives, had a blast. It’s easy to have fun when your entire social circle is in one place.
Two guys left, leaving me and two others. We decided to check out a speakeasy. It was really fucking cool, no doubt. They give you a table, you have a waitress, but it’s not for us. We immediately leave and call it a night. It was a blast overall. Talking to all the guys, hitting on everything, I opened some models on the street who flat out ignored my existence. A good night.
The Game Aspect
A year ago me and my wingman used to joke around. When a girl insta-rejected one of us, we’d say that she didn’t know what she’s missing or she just can’t tell how cool we are. It was funny but it was a mask and we both knew it. We didn’t really feel like cool guys, we expected to get rejected. When a set went well and hooked, it was an interesting exception. Now, today, tonight, this moment, the opposite is true. I walk up and fully expect that girl to like me and engage in a conversation. 94% of the time that’s what happens, it’s weird to get an insta-rejection.
It’s great to operate on this new paradigm but it opens up all sorts of new problems. I can open almost anything and have a conversation but I’m not making shit happen, I don’t have a strong belief that we will sleep together. And logically can you blame me? I haven’t pulled in a month or two. I’ve come really fucking close, there have been a couple of times I would have pulled if a 50/50 scenario went my way, but it hasn’t happened. That means that in the last 60 days I’ve talked to maybe 300 women and haven’t had sex once. It makes perfect sense that my brain doesn’t believe that I will get laid with this girl. As much as I strive to put my mind in the right place, it just isn’t happening like I’d like it to.
So that’s where I’m at. This sort of purgatory, where I can open, have solid conversations but they lead nowhere. And it’s getting old. At least when a girl rejects you right off the bat you can move on. With these conversations I get to know a girl, invest in her and she invests in me. We build something and then nothing happens. Over and over and over. The last month is the most fun I’ve ever had in game, in terms of satisfaction and ease of interacting with women, but the lack of results is disappointing.
What is the pain trying to teach me? There’s always a lesson there and I think that in this case it’s this: I have to be leading more. I’m not trying to make sex happen. Even though I’m getting over my problem of going for the makeout, which is gratifying in the moment, that doesn’t really get us closer to the pull. Once in a while you get that girl who is so fucking down that you just say let’s get out of here and it’s lights out. But I feel that I’m losing dozens of possible sets because I’m not hooking up with those girls where it’s seemingly less down but if I led I could make shit happen.
If I was to give myself a challenge, it would be the following: for every single set that I’m in for more than three minutes, I must try leading. It doesn’t matter where, it doesn’t matter if I think it’s a good idea. I just have to try and do it. If she says no, I have to try again in two minutes. Then another two minutes. I’m willing to burn shit down because I’ve had so many 20 minute conversations that I don’t need another! I’d rather find out if lack of leading is my problem. Anyways, let’s look at a few of the girls.
Started off right with a couple of cute girls from the midwest. I love to walk up to girls and assume that they’re not from New York. 90% of the time you’ll be right, nobody is really from here. I talked to both for a few minutes then my buddy came in and took the cuter one. Mine was awfully cool too though and we vibed well. But after ten minutes things slipped. I stopped offering that cool vibe, I got stuck in my head a bit, started thinking about how to offer value and she stopped reacting so well. Frustrating!
It’s no fun to have that awesome conversation for ten minutes or so then feel it slip. If I could redo this I would make myself more comfortable, take a seat next to her. I would also seed the idea of going to another bar so that the set has direction. I’d also recognize that I need to contribute more to the conversation. I’m really good at asking questions and getting her to open up but there are times I have to talk about myself, or at least tell a story, so that we are both invested in each other.
I look back on college and smack myself from about 6 different girls I could have slept with if I just knew what the fuck I was doing. In two years I’ll look back on this set and smack myself for not pulling.
Opened another girl at the first bar and it was going well. She gave me some shit initially but in the end started responding well. I liked her but we left before it could go anywhere. Although to be honest, I don’t know where it would have gone. I was just goofing around, I wasn’t setting up anything for us to do together.
There were plenty of other sets, nothing interesting.
I must ask myself, what am I most scared to do? Then do that. In this way I find fear very useful. Opening is easy, even big sets and mixed sets. Staying in conversation for a while is no problem. The fear arises when it comes to leading hard and moving the girl. I have this fantastic reference point of the night I was drunk in Meatpacking, met this girl and talked for a few minutes. Then I dragged her out of the bar and almost got into a taxi with her. I wasn’t worried about attraction, investment, or any of these other stupid fucking concepts that I talk about. I was on the level of she’s a girl, I want to get laid, pull her out of the bar to get laid. So I did.
And I obviously pulled too soon and she freaked out, but it was so beautiful how I just led hard and she followed. I have to bring that level of leading into my game now if I want to actually get somewhere.