The best part of last night was one particularly difficult set. I saw an unusually cute girl dancing. Guy or two, girl or two with her. Whatever, I go in and do my best conceivable approach. I can immediately feel the pressure of 4 people focusing on me. It’s epic. I say nonsensical things to this girl, I recognize that at this moment my actual words account for 2% of my success. 98% depends on how I comport myself. I own the pressure as best as I possible can until her friend blocks me off. Then she turns around and physically shoves me away. I refuse to leave, I’m not talking to the girl, I’m not bugging anyone, I’m just standing there. But I won’t move. The guy starts to get involved, I ignore him. The girl tries to get me to leave again, I won’t budge. The social pressure was epic. I got the largest rush that I’ve had in a while.
Moments like this are good because I can feel myself becoming less reactive. If I can withstand this kind of social pressure, the regular stuff is a breeze by comparison. Just like a guy who’s benching 300lb would think it’s a joke to do 135. Other than that crazy set, the usual. Met up with a cool new wingman, we worked our way through LES and opened a bunch of sets. A few things worth talking about.
*My first six sets or so I was mimicking attractive behavior. I was trying to consciously control all my mannerisms to conform to my general idea of what women find attractive. Cocky, funny, breaking report, silly, having fun, etc. But damn, those girls don’t fall for it for a second. I hardly had 2 minutes of talking time with six sets combined. Then I dropped the act. I walked up to a cute Asian girl and started asking her some regular questions. No cocky funny, no acting, no over-the-top bullshit. We talked for quite a while and at the end, when I asked for her number, she said she had a boyfriend but she thought I was awesome.
Man, this is a bit of a mind fuck for me. I’ve consciously or unconsciously associated this outgoing, player persona with getting laid. However, last night it wasn’t working and the fucking second, the very god damn second, that I dropped it was the moment I had a great interaction and the girl really liked me. Honest expression is not flashy but it’s better game. I’m not being the craziest guy in the room, but I’m communicating a lot of value by doing a good approach, having good eye contact, being 100% comfortable, engaging the friends, creating an interesting conversation, etc. That flashy bullshit stuff is sort of fun and it looks cool but the results are poor.
*Yesterday at work I saw an exceptionally beautiful girl. I was instantly pissed at her. God fucking dammit, how is life fair. She’s just born like that and here I am busting my fucking ass, putting in hundreds of hours of effort and still not even hooking up with a girl this cute. Fucking life. I was in a negative headspace yesterday and I knew it. When I’m in a regular or good headspace I don’t think like that. I realize that game is teaching me awesome lessons and I also usually feel fucking amazing when I go out. In fact there are nights where I pull, have sex and then think, damn. That orgasm didn’t feel as good as that 7 minute rampage I went on.
I’m striving to cultivate an amazing inner environment where I’m consistently in a good mood and I’m not seeking external validation. Once I have that environment I will not be chasing girls, they will be coming to me. It’s like my Dad’s plan. He has 100 acres of property and he likes to go deer hunting. Instead of going all over trying to find a single deer, he planted a bunch of apple trees and created an environment that attracts the deer. Now he has more than he and ten friends could ever want. No chasing, the deer come to them. That’s what I’m trying to do with girls. My headspace has to eventually reach the point where I’m no longer chasing, girls are the one fighting to be with me.
*Girls want you to be attractive, they want you to be cool, they want you to succeed and everyone to get laid. I talk to my sister a lot about guys and I see it from her perspective. She has certain standards and will shoot guys down, but she’s also very willing to accept dorky behavior, stupid mistakes, awkward bullshit, whatever. She’s not trying to destroy guys. Girls at the bar may test us to find out what we’re made of but deep down they want us to succeed.