After eight months of going out I get a steady stream of email for events. Guest lists, free entry to clubs, parties deep in Bushwick. I usually ignore this crap and do my own thing, but when I saw a guestlist for the new Verboten I decided to do it. Sent the link to him and my new wingman. We met up at 11:57, giving us exactly 3 minutes to get in free. We made it, barely. Inside I threw my coat on the back of a sofa and went looking for girls. See one standing by herself and I open. She’s Asian, pretty short. There’s something attractive about her though. Maybe it’s her smile, maybe it’s the way she’s being nice to me and laughing at what I say.

Golden rule, lead. After five minutes I pull her up to the “VIP section”. We talk. Then she asks if I want to go smoke outside. I follow her, we talk more. At this point I’m sure I can go for the kiss, I choose not too. It’s not really fear, it’s more like waiting for a better moment. She comes back in and I introduce her to my new wingman and him.

He pulls me aside and says: “Pull her to the bar.”

I’ve been leading, neither of us are drinking. I know I need to lead more though.”

How invested is she? Do you think you can pull her?”

Yeah, I think so. I think she’s pretty invested. In this situation would you try to pull to another venue or would you just pull her home?”

The only reason I’d pull to another venue would be to fuck in the bathroom. Otherwise I’d just pull home.”

What excuse would you use to pull her?”

None. I’d just say “two seconds, two seconds” and pull her outside.”

Three minutes later I grabbed my coat and pulled her outside. “Two seconds, I just want to see what’s down here.” I said when we she asked where we were going. We walked down the block, hung a right, and I started leading her towards my house. The whole time I was holding her hand and doing 80% of the talking. It’s a situation where I needed to be talking, she wasn’t going to. It didn’t matter what the fuck I talked about as long as words were coming out of my mouth. She never questioned our direction.

Ten minutes later we’re in front of my apartment. “I’m not going in there” she says to me. As I unlock my door I say “Two seconds, I just really want to get warm right now. Come on, it’s an Airbnb, it’s cool. I’ll show you.” We get inside. “So this is my living room. That’s my kitchen table. And this is my bedroom..” Done. We hook up, watch some Netflix, then I walk her to the train station.

Lessons

*The hardest part part that my brain reacted the strongest too was the initial pull out of the club. We didn’t have stamps and I knew that we wouldn’t be able to get back in. My brain is screaming “What if you get outside the club, she freaks out and is pissed she can’t get back in? What if you get her outside then she leaves you and now you can’t get back into the club with your wingmen? What if…” It was hardcore, my brain was screaming at me. None of it came to pass though. Instead of all that bullshit happening I ended up getting laid. It’s a continual reminder to ignore fear and just do what you have to do.

*Even though I did make it happen I could have done it all smoother. I could have lead more and gone for the pull sooner. Every second in the nightclub is dangerous. Friends may interfere, another guy may try to steal my girl, she may decide it’s too late and she has to go home. Whatever. I have to get her out of there ASAP.

*I have to take more responsibility. It’s 50/50 that I wouldn’t have gone for the pull last night if he hadn’t pushed me to do it. That’s no good, I have to have my own initiative. I need to believe that shit like this does happen and girls want to go home with me. Even though I’ve pulled before it’s still an uncertain thing to me. I need to change that.

*This is from Friday but it’s important. Twice I was in a set that was going good but froze up on taking action because the friend was there. Both times the girl seemed to be down, very down even, but I chickened out because of the friend. Bullshit. Fail. Dick in hand, jerking off alone. I need to come up with some practical ways to isolate and make something happen. I’ve got a couple of people that I should ask for advice.

*I’m the man. I take action and the girl reacts to me. This is the natural way of things.

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