Out in Black

Learning Game: Reports from the Field

Tag: Didn’t Pull (Page 2 of 28)

Beer and the Lower East Side

Last night I told my boss that I’m leaving New York and moving to Thailand. He didn’t seem to care much, as expected. He said I could keep doing some freelance work online. That’s great for me, means I’ll be able to live off of that and keep my savings. After work was over I celebrated by drinking a bunch of beer and bullshitting with my wingman for 45 minutes at WeWork.

He was feeling sick so he left and I hopped the train back home. I had every intention of leaving Manhattan but fate intervened. We pulled into the station right by all the bars in LES and I couldn’t help it. I got off, went out and talked to maybe ten girls. I don’t think I accomplished much, I was fairly beer-laden.

Right now I’m in a weird spot. My living situation isn’t the best, I’m leaving New York in two weeks so I don’t feel fully committed. I’m not on an upwards spiral as they say. But I’m strangely OK with it. I know the work necessary to change and I know that I’m capable of it. I look forward to the future and I look forward to never again repeating the myriad of mistakes I’ve made in the last 18 months. It’s been fucking awesome and I’ve grown about 700%, but I also have done a lot of things that need never be repeated.

Hurdles and Questions About Game

Went out, pushed myself, did things I was nervous to do, all the usual. Still getting back into it though, haven’t completely gotten back my awesome vibe. I talked to a model, she said two words to me. I talked to a very attractive woman last night. She saw a chink in me and the set was over within a minute.

Even all the other girls, I’m not getting laid right now and it sucks. It’s true I have zero logistics but I’ve gotten laid before with zero logistics. If I had to say I’m fucking up one thing, it’s tactical planning. Figuring out a way to move the set from the bar to the bedroom. Going for the pull, getting her out of the bar and into the taxi. It’s like I lack the belief right now to do that.

This is the first point since the time I started, 18 months ago, that I would seriously consider paying for a bootcamp. It’s the first time where I really feel like I’m lost in the woods. Approaching, hooking sets, going for the makeout, keeping the conversation going, etc. All of the fundamentals of pickup are not currently my sticking point. It’s transitioning from the bar to the bedroom that is holding me up. It’s very frustrating to not see it happening. I have two weeks left in New York, I really want to pull.


*I talked in an earlier field report about how I sometimes close space with a girl and end up pushing her away. I’m 99% sure this is not good, but I also know that in order to makeout and get physical I do have to breach the barrier at some point. How to do it more effectively though? I’m thinking I need to get into a space where I’m leaning back and drawing her in. Create a vacuum for her to fill.

*My eye contact with the most attractive ladies is not fantastic right now. I think it’s perhaps why I missed making out with two cute girls the last two nights. I have to fix this.

*I’m wondering if the reason I’m not pulling is a subtle belief that’s sabotaging me. When I moved to my current apartment I said to myself, well, no logistics. Guess you won’t be pulling now. I haven’t ever really thought about that again but I wonder if it’s turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy? I have to believe I can pull otherwise it will never happen.

What the Fuck is This

First night out in ten days or so, I was back home for Turkey Day. Hit up the Tuesday spot it was good. On the surface it would appear that I did poorly and the night was write off. Far from it. What actually happened is that I was getting some harsh rejections, guys were pushing me away, guys were getting in my face, girls were telling me they didn’t want me there, etc. I felt sad and I wanted to leave, but I didn’t. I pushed through that shit and forced myself to not only do more approaches but to do the most difficult ones conceivable. For doing so I consider the night a massive success.

Last set of the night ended up being an awfully cute girl. I repeatedly tried kissing her but she would never reciprocate. I think my eye contact was off and my approach in leaning in for the kiss was weak sauce. Next time I would hold eye contact better and go in with more confidence.

I saw one girl at the bar who was cuter than all the others by a long shot. I told my wingman that I absolutely had to approach her and I did. It was a great approach and she responded very well. Instantly faced me and started playing with her necklace. But there was a chink in my game, I faltered, I got 2% into my head and she instantly could tell. It was over. Her friend took her away. Interestingly, when I first approached I was so confident that her friend asked me if I knew her. I’ve noticed this happen a few other times when I do a great approach on an especially hot girl. I suspect that 95% of the time when a hot girl gets approached it’s super fucking weak and obvious, so when a guy does a confident approach it’s odd and the friend assumes we know each other already.

At this moment I feel angry. I want to get back out there, figure out what’s wrong and fix it. I’m also acutely aware of how much more challenging cold approach is. Compared to something like meeting a girl in a hostel or a college class. Those environments are much more forgiving. Cold approach is brutal.

Making Out and Bouncing to a Bar too Soon

Quick report from a few nights ago. We went out on a Wednesday, me and two of the guys. Second set I came in and I made out with my girl. Fifteen minutes later I pulled her out of the rooftop lounge, moved her to another bar down the street. That was closed so I suggested we grab some beers and head back to her place. She was uneasy about it and said she wanted to go back to the first place. So we did, made out a bit more, I got her number then bounced. This was a good interaction because I learned something important.

I pushed too hard to get her to leave the lounge with me. She kept saying we should just have a drink there, with my friends and her friends around and a nice atmosphere. Eventually she agreed to leave with me because I’m awesome but it wasn’t the best move. As soon as we got out of the club that nice vibe we had died, it got super logical and cold. I hadn’t built enough comfort yet. I should have taken into account that her friends were also her roommates, it would have been easy to grab a drink with them, walk her her home, ask to use the bathroom, ask to see her bedroom and bam, closed.

I didn’t really think all that through so well, I was so focused on getting her to another bar that I didn’t see the big picture. Good lesson to learn.

One other thing, I notice that I often push girls away from me. That is, I’ll close space in order to go for the makeout and girls will subtly back away and sometimes after ten minutes we end up nine feet away from where we started! This is a doozy for me. On one hand I’m doing the right thing with closing space and getting near to her. My increased numbers of makeouts show that I’m on the right track. On the other hand, it’s weird when I feel girls slowly backing away. And so I’ve obviously experimented with not closing space or even with leaning slightly back and trying to draw her in to me. But when I do that the space doesn’t get closed and it doesn’t get sexual. So this is a thing for me, trying to figure out this interesting aspect of game.

Defying Expectations on a Friday

I’ve been on a streak of awesome for a month or two and I keep waiting to have a shitty night. Thought it would be last night but it didn’t turn out like that. Instead, I ended up having a blast, making out with two different girls and feeling like a king. Was out with the whole entourage. We tore up Meatpacking, approached everything in sight and made a solid run of it.


*The first girl I made out with was pretty uninspiring but she was really into me. I was down to pull her and took steps to make that happen. Unfortunately she was with a friend who was staying at her apartment and they also had to drop another guy off at the train station. I tried to bounce them to another club, my girl was down but the friend vetoed. By this point I was in it for 30 minutes and decided to try other things. Got this girl’s number, walked 15 feet away, bumped into a cute blonde girl and we started making out within twenty seconds. Fastest I’ve ever gone from makeout to makeout in my life. That was pretty cool. This second girl was just leaving with all her friends. In retrospect I should have made myself part of the group and gone with.

*Pickup is about 1,000% easier than it used to be. I feel good when I go out, I have fun, approaching is easy. My mental state is on fucking point 95% of the time. I think that if I had good logistics and was going out 6 nights a week I could be pulling once a week at this point.

*Having a plan for how you pull is fucking crucial. I love how my one buddy does it. He has a bar right by his house, invites the girl to hop in a taxi and go get a drink with him there. They pull up in front of the bar, he says he just has to use the bathroom real quick and pulls the girl to his place. The rest is easy. It’s so fucking simple, so beautiful. For me I have no logistics so I’m asking girls what their favorite bar is by their house, remembering that name and then later in the interaction I suggest we go grab a drink there. Hasn’t worked yet but I have faith.

*I suspect that a big part of sleeping with more attractive women is going to be stepping up hard. Doing really solid approaches that will set me apart from 97% of other guys who are bugging out when they approach a hottie. That being said, I’m still not fully onboard with pulling super attractive women. I have some weird mental blocks in my head. I see a hot woman and it’s like my brain shuts down. It’s really annoying but I’m putting faith in the process, trusting that I will overcome this in time.

Haha I may have told her that I’m a prostitute…

*That girl from Saturday texted me last night. Fairly suggestive text and I ignored the hell out of it. When I left her that night she was giving me all sorts of shit. After a while I got fed up with it and said,

Are you sure you don’t want to come with me, this is your last chance..”

She was taken aback because she was the one denying me. She said no. I said goodbye and I have no intention of ever seeing her again, slutty text or not.

*Last night on the way home I caught a handful of girls making extended eye contact with me. I don’t know how the fuck girls are able to tell so quickly when you’re really in the zone or not. On a regular day I still feel good and have good posture but they’re not fooled. It’s only after a night of carnage that I get eye fucked.

*Saw John Mayer last night. Tremendous haircut, that man has.

Cold Night Walking around LES

Found one set tonight. Talked to her for ten minutes, left. Walked all over LES but couldn’t find anything else. I’m really not going to miss NYC in the winter. Nightlife diminishes to almost nothing during the weeknights.

I have a theory about what it takes to get good, more time spent talking to girls. As long as you have a basic grasp of the direction you’re heading in and have a decent understanding of the fundamentals of pickup, I think that time spent talking to girls determines 80% of how successful you are.

Perhaps, and I’m less certain of this theory than the other one, the remaining 20% of your success depends on your existing beliefs. For example, before I got into pickup I spent six years telling myself that I’m bad with girls. That was my reality. To become better I’ve had to overwrite it with something better, I’m awesome and girls love me. This has probably made my pickup journey somewhat longer. An average guy who has average beliefs, I’m cool, some girls like me, I’m a good prospect, may make faster progress because he doesn’t have to unwind years of shitty beliefs. This is just a thought though, I’m not convinced I have it right.

Stupid Bullshit on a Saturday

Last night was annoying. I met up with this girl that I knew from my friend’s Halloween party. We made out at the party but last night she wouldn’t even kiss me. We danced, talked and it was sort of fun. Mostly though I was pissed. Every time I took action to make shit happen she would back off and take this fucking moral high ground. Like I’m not that type of girl, sex is dirty, aren’t you ashamed of yourself for indulging in that kind of thinking?

So fucking frustrating. None the less, I took it as a challenge. How much can I make happen, how well I can maintain my awesomeness even in the face of so much bullshit? I asked her to bounce to another bar with me. She refused. Change plans, let’s go get pizza. She agrees. By the time we’re done eating her overprotective friends have called her four times. What a fucking turnoff, I love independent people who do what they want. I seed the pull by asking to see her goldfish. I get her walking to the subway with me. I get her down into the station. She refuses to go any further. I say,

Come on. We just need to practice swiping our cards. Let’s go.”

But that’s the furthest she goes. Still refuses to kiss me. I say,

Are you sure, this is your last chance.”

She looks at me funny. I say OK, walk away, the night is over. She texts me later, ignored. Done. The whole experience was fucking annoying. I feel like I wasted a Saturday night.


*Didn’t totally waste the night. I practiced leading and got a girl to follow me who was giving me nothing but shit. That shows that girls words and actions are often very different. Well, we all know that. It reaffirms it.

*I’m keen on figuring out how the fuck I can avoid ever being in this situation again. It’s a bit tricky right, because sometimes a girl can be cold and giving you shit in the beginning but over time you warm her up and end up pulling. Or, maybe she never warms up and the whole experience is bullshit. I hope that this “date” taught me some of the signs of it’s never going to happen.

*This whole week I was really good about leading and getting girls out of the bar. Tuesday I got a girl out on the sidewalk and pushed hard for the close, Friday I bounced a girl to a new bar and probably would have pulled if the friend had left, last night I got an annoying and reluctant girl to the subway station.

Open Everything on a Friday

Friday night in New York, people everywhere. Get denied from a bar because I have a penis. Make accusations of sexism, vow to never return. Go to a different bar that turns out to be better anyways. Open, open, open. Wingman shows up but he’s not in a good state. Refuses to approach, bitches out and goes home. Not cool you English tea drinker, you’ve got some work to do.

Alone, I open, open, open. Another wingman shows up. He’s on fire, pulling every week, putting the rest of us to shame. We open, open, open. I see this cute little Asian girl and it’s so obvious that her buying temperature is plus 100. She’s too short to kiss without some awkwardness. I pick her up, bring her face to mine, we make out. That’s a first, have to remember to do it again. I pull her outside. We makeout but it’s cold. She’s shivering. I hug her. Another girl joins the hug. Then her friend. Three of us hugging this tiny little girl.

At this point I’m owning. If I had logistics I would have thrown this Asian girl into the first taxi I saw and pulled her to mine. I would have had to deal with numerous objections but it would have been fine. Unfortunately, no logistics. We makeout one last time, I get her number then release her back into the wild.

More opening till I find Lea. Super cute, great hair, fun personality. Stay with her an hour. Pull her and her friend to another bar. Friend is not having fun, I’m praying that she’ll leave me and Lea alone. This is a solid pull if only the friend leaves. Naturally, friend does not leave. Instead, insists Lea take her home. I say,

Ok, well let’s grab an Uber, take her home then check out a bar on the Upper East Side.”

Lea says no, says she’s staying that night with her friend who is new to the city. She asks me for my number, says she’d like to hang out again. I give it to her, we have a goodbye-makeout then off she goes. I open a few more sets, few more girls on the sidewalk, nothing special. Go home and get 4 hours of sleep before work.

The Breakdown

*I’m happy with how I handled the night. With Lea, my most promising set, I’m honestly not sure what I would change. Without a wingman to handle the friend I’m in a tight spot. As much as I’d love to, I can’t just tell the friend to go home. I was really counting on her just getting bored and leaving, but that didn’t happen. Anyone have ideas about what to do here?

*Last night, for a few minutes, was perhaps the most in state I’ve ever been. It felt like cocaine without the cocaine. I was standing in the center of an aggressively loud bar, walled in by people, feeling beautifully relaxed and natural. It was really spectacular, it even lead to some girls opening me. Something that hasn’t happened to me in months. While this state is great, I’m coming to depend on it less and less. Regardless of how I feel I can hammer out my approaches and make shit happen.

*My outings are taking on a new level. I’m routinely making out with two women a night and it seems obvious that soon I’ll make out with three, something I’ve never done before. Pickup is glorious, there’s nothing else to say.

*As fucking solid as my set with Lea was, and even though she said she’d really like to see me and asked me for my number, I know that there’s a not-so-low chance I’ll never see her again. It boggles my mind. What the hell are these girls looking for? Does she really meet a guy as cool as me, who she has so much in common with, every weekend? Does hypergamy really just not give a shit, it’s the best or nothing? Game is sort of ruthless. I’m willing to accept that though, I’m learning what the reality actually is and figuring out how to win. That being said, I’d be really cool to hook up with Lea.

Half a Dozen in Meatpacking

Out with the whole crew last night. Unfortunately not enough sets to keep us busy. Having four guys on a weekend is awesome but on a Wednesday night it’s maybe not the best. We went to my favorite club and found two more guys who I used to go out with a lot. They joined the group and it ended up being six of us, heading to a bar that didn’t have enough sets for two. Still, a fun night, I enjoy hanging out with everyone.

I talked to an English woman for a few minutes and it was borderline. I sort of felt like I deserved her and sort of didn’t. She was awfully cute, smart and a manager of her group of people. After 5 minutes she decided to leave me but she was hesitant. I could see that she wasn’t sure whether to stay or go. It was a perfect reflection of my own thinking, me not being 100% sure about whether I deserved her. In retrospect, I would hold her for longer, quash objections about wanting to get back to the friends, take her to a corner where her coworkers couldn’t see us and go for the makeout.

That was honestly the only memorable set of the night. Mostly just chatted with the guys. I texted the girl from last night but she didn’t reply. I blame myself, I asked her,

Hey, how was work today?

The thing about this text is that it’s fucking boring and makes me look like every other chode in existence. It does nothing to reinforce the idea that I’m the cool guy that she’s been looking for. So I’m going to strike this text from the face of the planet and only do more interesting follow up texts.

In other news, still talking to the girl I made out with at the Halloween party and she says she’s down to get a drink this weekend. We have a solid vibe and I think there’s a good chance I can pull her. We’ll see what happens.

Making out with Girls on Halloween

Had a blast last night, I don’t think two and a half hours has ever gone so fast. I got to the bar alone and opened a few sets. I was talking to this cute girl when my wingman showed up. Said hi to him, kept talking to the girl. After a while me and cute girl started making out. I suggested we go outside, she followed. I suggested we walk around the block, she followed. Earlier I had asked her what her favorite bar by her house is, she told me. I suggested we grab an Uber and go for a drink there. She liked me but she had to work. I was persistent but it wasn’t happening. Got her number, set up a date for Saturday, in Williamsburg, close to her place. We’ll see what happens.

Met up with my wingman again, we opened a bunch of sets. I ended up on the dance floor, a girl bumped into me and we started dancing. I started kissing her neck and ear. Then she spun around and we started making out. Craziest shit, we spent ten minutes together and never said a word. Just danced. I felt like a king, just having amazing fun, girls feeling that and being drawn in. I loved it! The girl ended up walking away which was no biggie. Although… I should be aware that having unending fun is great, but actually talking to the girl is necessary haha.

I opened a stunning woman on the street and she responded well. I was instantly in my head though, it was super funny.

Me: “Hey, hows your night going!?”

Her: “Great, how about yours?”

Fucking amazing. I love Halloween, so many people being crazy.”

Yeah, it’s pretty fun.”

So, hows your night…” Fuck me, I just asked her that. I walk away…

Funny shit. Next time I’ll do better though. Hot girls are just girls. It’s the same stuff, be outgoing, be confident, be present and having fun. A girl responds to this whether she’s amazing or less than perfect.


*I’m fucking amazing, girls love me.

Halloween House Party

My wingman threw a Halloween party last night, I didn’t dress up. Felt self conscious for a while but got into it and had a blast. By the end we had approached every girl there. One of my other wingmen pulled his first set. He’s an animal and his vibe is amazing. I kissed 4 or 5 girls, which is a new record.

Girls respond better when it’s a social circle situation, versus cold approach

What surprised me is that there was little reciprocation. I only made out with one girl. The other ones I would kiss and they’d like it but never got into it. .

Overall the night was solid. I got to see the potential of having a big social circle and a cool apartment. I collected a few numbers and they hit me back. There is definitely a difference between cold approach and talking to a girl at a massive party when you know the guy who lives there.

Finally, I think I underestimated how shitty it would be to have no logistics. If I had a place to pull to I think I could have made something happen last night. I’ve got the game, I’ve got the experience, I don’t don’t have the convenient bed..

French Girls on a Wednesday

Two and a half hours went quick last night. Hit up a few different bars, talked to a few different women. Longest set was a couple of French girls sitting down. Mine turned out to be an all around impressive human being. She drove a motorcycle through rural Cambodia. That’s hardcore, I’d love to do this but I even have my reservations, it’s not a journey you do lightly. So I was impressed. She told me that she does some modelling and acting to. I could see that, she was 30 and rather beautiful, she must have been really something at 20.

This interaction went well because she contributed. I don’t really like to talk about frames and power in an interaction, it’s sort of creepy. But still, I fell into her frame and instead of dismissing me we kept talking. She was a nice human being. My buddy invited them both to his party this Saturday, we’ll see what happens.

Right now I’m in a really fucking weird place with pickup. I’m having the most fun I’ve ever had. That horrible underlying current of anxiety is 99.3% gone and I’m enjoying every night. I’m even looking forward to getting to the club. Getting stressed out all day long about going out later used to be the worst part of pickup, thank god that’s over with. So things are good but I also feel like I’m fucking completely fucking lost. I’m getting into these long interactions every night and I’m not taking them anyplace. I’m questioning why they’re even taking place if I’m not making anything happen.

Part of the problem is that I have zero logistics, unless a girl is uncontrollably obsessed with me, she’s not going for a 70 minute train ride. So when I go into that interaction I don’t have that clear goal of what I’m trying to do, I.e. get her back to my bedroom. Obviously I can pull to hers but I feel like this gives me less power. It’s harder for me to push hard to go to her place, it doesn’t feel as natural as magnetizing her to mine. It is possible though..

Another problem, I’m not taking risks the way I need to be. I’m going out with a group of cool guys which is fantastic, but it’s caused me to put some limits on what I do. I’d rather play it safe and give the appearance of being competent than take a risk, lead her, go for the pull, and fuck it up. This is especially prevalent in my thinking because my wingman is usually in set with me and if I fuck it up I end it for him to. However… I’m not going to get better if I keep doing the same shit over and over! I must condition myself to take that risk and not worry about looking stupid in front of my wingmen.

Final issue, I’m waiting for perfection before I go for the pull. I’m falling into the trap of thinking that I need to have unbelievable attraction before I can lead her home. Well no, I don’t really. I’ve pulled plenty of times when things were good, not great, and I have to remember that.

Inner Dialogue

The guys I go out with are awesome at maintaining their frames and speaking with confidence throughout an interaction. I’m good initially but I often feel like I lose steam around 10 to 15 minutes. I start to doubt my words and the whole thing goes down hill. Not always, but enough that it’s an obvious sticking point.

In addressing this problem I came to a realization last night. When I hit that wall, say at 10 minutes, I start looking for reasons that she’s no longer interested and I also start questioning myself. My inner dialogue is that was kind of lame, what you said. Do you really believe that? No! Fuck that shit. As soon as I catch myself slipping into that mental loop I can stop it and just remind myself that I’m awesome. Remind myself that girls love, this girl loves me and she wants me to talk to her. Tune my RAS into all the reasons she wants me there. I believe that with conscious effort I can overcome this.


Can’t worry about what wingmen think, must be OK with taking the risk and potentially fucking up. Must not succumb to negative bullshit in set.

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