This is my game after a year of approaching. First night out was May 28th, 2016. Since then I’ve radically developed, although I still have unfathomable progress to make. Everything I write is how I approach game now, but I’m sure many things will change in the future. Learning game means shedding old layers and coming into new understandings. That can be scary, but it’s also exciting like nothing else. May I recommend some background music?
The Tangible Manifesto
1. My night begins by approaching the first set I see, every single time. This is the most consistent way I’ve found to have a good night. The first five minutes set the tone for everything to come. Beyond that, I believe in approaching everything. Stunning girls, beached porpoises, girls in big groups, girls alone, Etc.
By approaching everything I don’t have to filter approaches and I stay out of my head. I approach girls who I would never fuck, but I find it easier to approach intimidatingly hot girls. It works both ways. Also, unattractive girls will often become attracted to you quickly which can help pump your state, especially if you’re having a lackluster night. I could go on and on.. Some of the most fun nights I’ve ever had have all involved me approaching everything, it’s a glorious way to do pickup.
2. I’ve heavily reduced my physicality. I used to borderline molest girls which taught me calibration, but I’ve realized that an absurd level of physicality is rarely called for. A hug or five second claw is enough to show the girl what kind of guy you are. Getting too physical can be a turn off and blow you out.
3. I used to be blithely unaware of how the girl may feel making out in front of her friend. Now I take that into account. I’ll move her away before going for the makeout. I’ll calibrate my words. I won’t get into the truly insane, polarizing content until her friends are out of earshot. I’ll look at the situation and see what the pull potential is, how to frame it, and so forth. I’m using my experience to figure out the best way to make that set go well. How to develop this? Fuck up dozens of sets a week for a year.
4. This ties nicely into logistics. I used to be so focused on finding a girl who likes me and not running out of things to say, that logistics were far from my mind. Now that more girls like me and things are getting easier, logistics are becoming important. I tell my wings, if you don’t know where she lives within 5 minutes of the interaction starting, you’ve seriously fucked up. To take that farther, you should also find out who she is there with and what she’s doing in the morning.
While logistics aren’t always a deal breaker, I focus on them more now. If a girl has horrible logistics and it doesn’t look like I can hook up in the bathroom, then I’ll usually move on. Someone said once that “Logistics trumps game” and they’re absolutely right. She could love you, but if she has three out of town friends staying at her place that night, there’s no conceivable way she’ll go home with you.
5. Logistics are important for me because 96.3% of the time I’m going for a pull that night. I don’t want numbers, I don’t want dates, I want to hook up that night. This attitude comes out in my actions as I press hard for the pull. This is a stylistic choice though, as some guys do very well for themselves getting numbers and setting up dates.
The 3.7% of the time when I do get the number is when: the set is going very good, the girl is above average attractive, but the pull can’t happen because of logistics. In this situation I’ll bungle my way through setting up a day two (not my strongest point). In general I’ll readily sleep with a girl that night who I wouldn’t go on a date with.
6. One idea that I’ve only recently began to understand the power of is: getting myself into situations where I can hook up with the girl. I don’t have to have massive attraction with a girl to walk her home from the bar, or go home with her and a group of friends, or whatever. Once we’re isolated it’s very easy to hookup because there is only upside. We’re alone at her place (or mine), there’s a bed, girls love sex, it’s obvious. I finagle myself into a good logistic situation. I use whatever words or excuses are necessary, and then when we’re alone it’s on. It doesn’t have to be on before getting back to her place. In fact the interaction can be very plain up to that point.
The Intangible Manifesto
7. It’s only in the last two months that I’ve started to focus on the inner game in a meaningful way. I think that’s fairly normal. When starting out it takes everything you have to approach, keep the conversation going, deal with a high stimulus environment, and so forth. For me, these are the beliefs that I choose to inculcate in myself (I previously wrote a large post about the shitty beliefs we have and how I’ve gone about changing mine).
In terms of what beliefs to focus on, I’ve found two that work very good for me at the moment. I’m awesome and I’m having fun. The latter helps to keep me in a good headspace and the former makes me feel great. It’s interesting that even though I’ve only been using these beliefs for about a month they’ve already begun to sink in. I believe I’m awesome and I have a lot of proof to back it up. This is a key point, proof. The only reason a belief like I’m awesome works is because I can look at the massive action I’ve taken, the girls I’ve slept with, the trying experiences I’ve gone through, and use those to justify the belief.
Building on my two beliefs, my next one is I’m the prize. I’m stacking this on top of the other two and I’ll continue to stack on more and more, the further I get into game. My mentor, Distant Light, recommends the belief I’m the opportunity. Solid, but it feels incongruent to me, too advanced. I suppose which belief works best is subjective and will change depending on the person.
8. I’m chipping away at all of the inauthentic and fear based traits that I’ve picked up over the years. I (we all) have learned these odd ways of acting that are incongruent. We do it to cope with difficult experiences, but it means that we don’t truly express who we are. My aim is to eradicate that. I want to fearlessly express myself as authentically as possible. One great example is Frank Yang. This guy is fascinating. He puts out these insane fucking videos that make me cry laughing, and probably offend other people so horribly that they call for his imprisonment. You can say what you will, but he’s expressing the motherfucking shit out of his personality without giving a fuck what anyone thinks. That’s incredibly admirable.
9. There are a lot of ways to look at this concept, but I’ll state it this way: girls are girls. Stunning women may be genetically blessed, but beneath it they’re still just girls. Taking them off the pedestal and treating them as such is a key component of my quest to hook up with increasingly attractive women. It doesn’t happen overnight. I’ve spent 25 years glorifying hot women and assuming that they’re unattainable goddesses. I’m working to change that belief every night I go out.
However, I’m not trying to devalue them either by saying things like “They’re just lucky, they’re born that way they didn’t do shit.” No. I’m putting us on equal footing. I’m an awesome dude who deserves the best, you’re a stunning women who I’m incredible attracted to, we’re made for each other. Distant Light is a fantastic example of a guy who crushed it with models because he didn’t overvalue them. He would always write “I can make myself feel better than she ever can, why do I need her attention or sex to feel good about myself?”
10. I don’t like affirmations. I’ve found that claiming qualities that I don’t have is a massive waste of time and totally ineffective. For example, saying “My game is a 10″ a thousands times means jack shit if you go out to the club and every reference experience you gather points out that you’re game is not a 10..
That being said, I’m beginning to fully manifest a state of mind where I feel like a girl is lucky to be with me, I’m the prize. This is based partly on more tangible aspects of who I am (I don’t drink, I speak 3 languages, I’ve traveled the world, I read 40 books a year, etc.) but a bigger part of it actually comes from this simple truth: a girl is lucky to be with me because I’m a guy who runs into his fear. I’m a fucking man, I’m not retreating from life like a bitch. I don’t live in reaction, I take action. The more I do this, the more fantastic I feel about myself, the more the girl likes me. And with good reason! Most men my age are living a life that’s controlled by fear and their upbringing.
Goals for 2017
My #1 goal is “To have game as good as Distant Light”. That has no time limit and is very abstract. In general I tend to shy away from setting goals with specific dates Maybe this is hurting me? I’m not so certain. Even without precise goals I still go out all the time, push my comfort zone and grow. But maybe having some goals would give me even more motivation. So here we go, here’s what I wish to achieve by January 1st, 2018.
1. Three different fuckbuddies / girlfriends. I think this is easily attainable. In fact the biggest challenge is that many of the girls I meet and sleep with are not from New York, they’re leaving in a few days. In terms of making this happen it just means sleeping with more girls, and also probably going on some more dates, which I feel set the frame for a lasting relationship better than a ONS stand.
2. Slept with a 9. I see no reason why this can’t happen. My entitlement to more attractive women seems to be growing at an exponential rate. Other guys have reached a point of sleeping with stunners, I can reach that point as well. It comes down to valuing myself more, removing more insecurities, and feeling like I deserve her.
3. Have 2 or 3 cute, cool friends who are girls who I share similar interests with. The similar interests part is essential. I don’t often hang out with people, and if I do I want it to be an activity that we both enjoy. So one friend will probably be German so I can practice speaking with her, maybe another one will have traveled a lot so we can compare notes on that. I want to develop some relationships with girls who I’m not fucking.
I feel like these goals are extremely achievable, especially #1 and #3. I can set more difficult goals or be more specific, but I’m going to have to think about it. Ultimately, while vague, the goal of game like Distant Light is what I’m aiming towards.
What’s the Point of Pickup?
Pickup is a means to developing an ultimate freedom of expression. Master this, and you can confidently navigate a social world. You’ll act in ways that are congruent to yourself, and sleep with beautiful women along the way. I view it like working out. You can go to the gym for 3 to 5 years and develop an excellent physique, which is the base for everything else. What you choose to do with that physique is up to you. I think pickup is similar, in that it shapes you into something new, which then gives you the freedom to have a better life.
However, another way of looking at it is that pickup isn’t about learning a bunch of new skills, it’s about returning to the base state where we should all be anyways. It’s about tearing away years of shitty programming that hold us back from being real men. It’s a subtractive, not an additive process. All of the pickup exercises we practice generate the experience that we need to believe in our own excellence. For affirmations are bullshit, they don’t work unless you have objective evidence to back them up.
For a man who go outs regularly, fear is a lion in a zoo. That cat can murder you, but the fence keeps you safe. Pickup is building that fence between you and fear. It’s still there, but it doesn’t run your life. People who never build that fence are fucked. Ironically, people think that by avoiding fear they’re getting rid of it, when in fact it’s controlling their lives. I like this G-Eazy song, but I don’t think it’s right. He says:
“If I ever say I’m never scared, just know, I mean it”
But everyone gets scared, that’s life. The difference is that most people let it affect them. Winners take action no matter what. Doing pickup on a daily basis accustoms you to fear over and over again, till you grow detached and numb to it.
Plans for my Second Year in Pickup
Embrace more fear, do more crazy shit, become even more awesome.