I frequently struggle with comparing myself (unfavorably) to other people. Two real examples. One pickup coach says that after nine months in game he had already exceeded all of his goals. Even though I have no fucking idea what his goals are, I still feel discouraged because I’m closing in on nine months and I’m not exceeding my goals. Another pickup coach says that he had reached a very respectable level after a year in game. I see that and wonder if I’ll be able to do the same?
But this sucks!
I achieve nothing by comparing myself to other people. Everyone is different, everyone grows at their own rate. I’m getting faster than some people and slower than others. My friend who I frequently refer to as “him” is the best guy in pickup I’ve ever met. He told me that I pulled more my first two months in game than he pulled in his first year. Shouldn’t I feel good about that? I read a field report by arguably the best PUA alive today, and he said that he didn’t pull his first two years in game. Doesn’t that help knowing that?
I suspect the root of this problem is that I’m scared that I will never get good. I’m scared that if it doesn’t happen right now, it’s never going to happen. This is bullshit, good things take time. Objectively I’m getting better almost every single week. And yet I still beat myself up sometimes..
All I’m really trying to say is that comparing myself to others isn’t working. When I look at people who got better faster than me I feel shitty, and when I look at people who took longer than me I assume I’ve just gotten lucky. It’s a lose-lose dynamic. That’s why I’m actively trying to focus on comparing myself to nobody but me. Every day I’m trying to ignore everyone else and ask myself the most important question: did I put in the effort and do everything in my power to get better today? I hope that in the long term this will be the mindset that gets me the results that I’m looking for.