I write a similar post every month. The reason I keep writing it is that I’m getting new experience at the club and I’m refining my thinking. I’m reaching new levels of understanding when it comes to running the ideal reaction. The traditional idea of pickup is the guy, you, chasing the girl. You’re trying to win her over and get her to come home with you. This obviously works and it can work well. However, there’s a higher level. It goes something like this.
At the club I put my personality out there and act in accordance with my own ideal. When I approach a girl I’m not trying to calibrate to her. I’m not actively doing anything in order to sleep with her. Instead, I’m expressing myself naturally. Maybe she will like me and become attracted. Maybe we’ll sleep with each other. That’s cool. Maybe she won’t like me, maybe she’ll want me to go away. That’s also cool. In both situations my behavior is not changing. I’m just there, bringing good vibes and having fun. If the girl wants to join my party that’s awesome! But I’m not going to chase her or compromise myself to be with her.
A word of caution though. It’s possible to take this too far and forget about the ultimate goal of closing the girl. It’s easy to get involved in the moment and forget to lead or to seed the pull or check for logistics. So I might have an awesome 45 minute interaction then she has to leave or her friend pulls her away and I just lost all that effort because I didn’t set up the pull. As a guy it’s my job to lead and make the logistical situation happen.
At this point I can’t seem to live up to this ideal with the more attractive women. I can’t bring that fun, party vibe of pure expression. 95% of what I do around them is trying. It gets weird too. I know I’m trying so I’ll try to not try, which is a form of trying. For example, pickup doctrine states that you shouldn’t try to impress a woman with your words. So I’ll go up and talk about my favorite color or beer or whatever the fuck it is, but I’m still trying to not try. It doesn’t feel good and I know it. I can’t try myself into a natural, fun mindset around cute girls. It seems that it’s something that will only happen with time and more experience.
I’m really not giving pickup my all right now. I’m not pushing it as hard as I was six months ago. This speaks to a focus on other things and also my innate personality. I’m a binary guy, zero or one. I don’t do well in the grey area. I’d rather be going out five or six nights a week and pushing it hard, or not going out at all and totally focusing on business, health, reading and German. That being said I’m going to keep going out three nights a week because I have to have some social interactions in my life. However, I recognize that it’s not ideal for me.