It’s an open secret that my success rate with numbers is right around 0%. I have dozens of them in my phone but they’re useless. I couldn’t get one of those girls to come out and meet up with me if my life depended on it. In seven months of game I’ve gotten one number where she actually met up with me again. Yikes! But maybe it’s not as bad as it sounds. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and what I’ve come up with is this.
Why am I getting the number?
Seriously, what’s the reason? When I really think about it, I believe that the reason I’m getting numbers is because the PUA community says that’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s not because I really want the number or I really want to go on a date with a girl. Most of the time I’m not meeting women who are attractive enough to really motivate me to go on a date. I’m a busy dude and I would rather go out and talk to ten girls at the club and potentially pull, versus spend the time on a date with one girl. Right or wrong, good or bad, that’s how I feel. This may absolutely change in time, but that’s where I’m at right now.
So I’m getting these numbers even though I don’t really have any kind of strong intention to go for the meetup. In essence, I’m doing it because it’s dogma. Fuck that! I don’t believe in dogma. What should be happening is this. Either I should be always pushing hard for a pull and never taking a number, or I should be actively interested in actually meeting up with the woman again. I should have that intention. Let’s look at an example.
I meet a girl who is awesome, attractive and we have a lot in common. I’m in the zone and even though I find her attractive, I’m still crushing it game wise. We make out and I’m immediately thinking about the pull. I screen for logistics and they’re shit. She has to wake up early, she lives far away, she’s the designated driver, whatever. However, I still want to see her again. How would I handle this?
1. Find out what we could do together. I’ll find out if she likes to drink and if she likes cool venues. She does? Perfect. I invite her out for a drink at this sick hotel in Williamsburg with the best view of Manhattan ever. But I don’t just ask her to go there. First I describe how cool it is. I talk about how it’s brand new, about how it has an awesome view and nice atmosphere. About how it’s right on the water so you can see everything. I actually am a sucker for NYC and love it to death so these are all things that I genuinely believe. I talk it up and ask her if that sounds cool. She says yes.
2. I don’t get the number yet. Now I find out when is a good time. When is she free? This weekend, or does she like to go out on weeknights? Does she work in the morning? I don’t want to take her out and she decides to not come back to my place because she has to wake up early. Handle logistics and create a good time for a date.
3. Now I finally get her number. We’ve talked about how cool this place is. We’ve figured out a time that works for both of us. I’ve made it all as solid as possible. I really like this girl so I definitely want her to meet up again. I get the number and tell her I’ll call her the next day or whatever.
Done. That’s solid. Having a five minute chat in a loud bar with some girl, what the fuck is going to come of that? I get the number and now what? She’s going to drop her life to come out and meet me again? That seems highly unlikely. And the dozens of numbers I have in my phone prove it’s unlikely. In fact it would be interesting to look at the three numbers that I’ve got that have actually engaged the most with me.
1. Met her at Biergarten during the evening while it’s still light out. Biergarten is about as anticlub as you can get and it’s light outside. Total opposite of a dark, loud bar.
2. Meet her on the street outside of the club.
3. Meet her on the street, outside of the club.
There seems to be something about the club atmosphere that renders a phone number void. As I become exceptionally attractive that may change, but it’s not a factor for me right now.
Anyways, that’s my discourse on that. Numbers you get in the club are stupid. If I like a girl, I am pushing hard to close that night. There is no number, we either hook up or we don’t. If I really like her but logistics are shit, then I’m creating a detailed date plan and ideally doing all of it while outside the club.