While this revolves around my own beliefs, I hope that you can read it and see how it applies to your own life. The examples are mine, but the idea is universal. Let’s have a look..
Living up to your own standards, vs. the standards of another person
This is an important topic because today I realized that for the last year (several years?) I’ve been living up to the standards of another person: Tyler Durden. I’ve watched so much of his content and bought into so much of what he’s said, that I unconsciously adopted his standards for living. This has helped me to take action, get laid more and find some awesome friends.
I’ve realized that Tyler values things that I ultimately don’t care about. For instance, Tyler always advises that you should “burn the club down” at the end of the night. After a year of doing pickup I can say that I don’t care about this. If I’m tired as fuck and I’ve already talked to twenty women, I give a fuck, I’m going home. What’s sad though, is that on these nights, instead of feeling great because I went out and took massive action, I feel bad.
What I’ve realized is that…
Burning the club down is not important to me. I’m not Tyler, I have other things going on in my life besides pickup. For instance, I place a tremendous importance on speaking foreign languages. I spent 13 months learning to speak fluent Russian, and now I study German every day. As far as I can tell, Tyler gives zero fucks about speaking foreign languages. Does he feel bad because of this? Fuck no! It’s not one of his values.
In the last couple of weeks I’ve really been digging down into what my values are..
I Care About
-Being 90% sober, but still going out sometimes to have some beers with the guys
-Having a couple of cool girls or a very cute girlfriend
-Writing every day
-Studying German every day
-Reading every day
-Traveling as much as possible, unless I’m all traveled out and totally cool with staying in one city for a while
-Saving 10% of every paycheck and investing it wisely
-Watching cool movies
-Pushing my comfort zone
-Meditating every day
-Having no credit card debt
-Being close to the ocean
-Living simply and with a minimal amount of stuff
-Spending time with cool people who have unique lives
-Living with roommates
-Having a job that allows me unlimited travel time
I Don’t Care About
-Changing the world
-Making so much money I don’t even know what to do with it
-Grinding it out at the club till the bitter fucking end
-Hustling for 20 hours straight
-Being jacked, tan or having a great haircut
-Having an expensive car or apartment
When I list my own beliefs and then compare them to my lifestyle, I realize that I’m living up to about 96% of what I believe in. I don’t have roommates, my friends in NYC are not quite as awesome as I might like, and my current job only allows about 4 to 6 weeks of travel a year, not unlimited. Apart from that though, I’m really kicking ass on all of my beliefs.
This makes me feel…
So fucking amazing that English words are inept at describing it. I’m no longer trying to live up to Tyler’s values. His beliefs took me a long, long fucking way and improved my life 100 fold. However, at a certain point, I have to stop basing everything I do on him and start basing it on my own criteria for success.
So if you’re reading this I urge you to consider what you value and think about how you can live up to that standard. It’s empowering to base your happiness on how well you do living up to your own values, versus the values of another person. This video talks about the same thing and I think it’s a good complement to what I wrote.